I think mum threatened toddler, she doesn't, AIBU?

[Originalusername89]

I was busy doing something that required both hands.

Baby started crying in her pram, toddler went over and started stroking her head but then this changed to hitting her (toddler has form for this when tired plus overwhelm of baby crying. I genuinely don't think it's malicious, more strange toddler impulse, we are working on it, it's improved, and we always physically separate them if this happens, it's not ok to hit etc etc)

Before I could get there my mum tried to diffuse the situation by telling her to stop and then I heard her say 'do you need to see what that feels like?'

At this point I just dropped what I was doing came over, took my toddler (baby strapped in buggy to easier to remover toddler) and told my mum not to threaten her.

Mum said 'i wasn't threatening her'

I said 'the only way to show her what that feels like is if you were prepared to hit her, which is a threat'

She said 'its not a threat I was teaching her lesson'

I think, even if my mum knows she would never actually hit her, as far as the two year old is concerned her grandmother was prepared to hit her.

For context we have a difficult relationship, my mum can't see things from anyone elses point of view, will never apologise or acknowledge what she could have done differently, will defend her actions until she's blue in the face - so she won't see this from the toddlers point of view only hers which is 'i was never going to actually hit her so it's ok' - and she won't see this from my point of view but will accuse me of overreacting. So I'm not bringing it back up with her.

YANBU: it was a threat and it's not ok to threaten a small child with physical punishment

YABU: It wasn't a threat/you're over reacting

PS. not looking for advice on the hitting please, just did my mum threaten toddler or didn't she?

OP, your toddler needs very firm handling re hitting a baby.
Absolutely unacceptable.
Your poor baby.
It shouldn't happen more than once.
I wouldn't like your mother threatening the toddler, and you clearly have issues with your mother.
However, the REAL issue is keeping the baby safe, above everything.

I read it as a threat, she should have moved the toddler away, like you did, instead of making verbal threats.

YANBU. I would not allow that language around my child.

Agree with this. Badly phrased. It would have been better phrased as “how would you feel if “. However it’s doubtful the toddler understood and I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I don’t think that it’s ok for your mum to speak like that and wouldn’t be allowing her to be in my dc life.

Agree with all of this

You need to protect your baby from being hit by a toddler (yours, anyone else) at all costs. That's your job.

YABU - in every scenario 😕

Your baby is being assaulted, fix that issue first.

I am with the posters who say it was probably worded badly, but most of us have said something that came out not as intended, even in more relaxed situations (also I agree with it likely being toddler impulses - my adoptive mother was a childminder and the toddlers she looked after could behave like this, too, though I don’t remember how she dealt with it as it was a long time ago!)

She handled the situation a lot better than you did. You should possibly start thinking of both of your children rather than the one 🤷‍♀️

I'm actually stunned you've started a post over being annoyed with your mother for trying (maybe clumsily) to protect your baby but there's no post on advice to stop your toddler harming your baby. Just stunned tbh.

Sort out the toddler, your Mum was defending the baby.

Also agree, and you need to protect your baby a lot better.

Baby is being hurt and doesn’t understand or give a 💩 about toddler’s motives.

Perfectly put

It was just a different way of saying ' How would you like it?'

She wasn't unreasonable in the slightest

Haha wow.

Never ceases to amaze me the aggressive protectiveness against parents and in-laws when they try to exercise some teeny weeny tiny drop of parenting wisdom and yet a completely laissez faire attitude to something like a toddler beating the head of their baby sibling. 🙄

poor baby, being hit frequently by sibling.

YABU. Your toddler should have been given much stronger direction the very first time they hit your baby.

Are you a “gentle parent,” OP?

See why a lot of grandparents are saying no to child care.
Op you YABVU and quite frankly you need to grow up and stop acting entitled.
Your mom done nothing wrong.
You have 2 kids not one.
I think your one of them that's in to gentle parenting way to much.

I bet they'd be fucking glad of that!

Crack on allowing your toddler to hit your baby.

The baby will judge you so much later,

Do read the post about the 14 year old punching his grandma, that's your future children, based on this!

Work harder on sorting out the toddler then it wouldn't be on other people to protect your baby.