Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

I’ve got 5 young adult GCs. 4 here, and 1 in America.

If anyone of them had punched me, I would have lamped them.

The only “safe space” they would have found was when they landed with my foot up their arse.🙄

ArcaneWireles,
I can fully understand the freeze. Shock. I can understand the visceral fight back, when running would be the better option. We don't always think it through.
I am lucky, I have never been hit within a relationship. (Been mugged, and abducted, but that's a whole other story).
That I should call the norm lucky, isn't that dreadful?
You are so right - it's not a loss of control, or they would end up being beaten by someone bigger, or smacking their bosses. They go for the easier option.

Thank you.

Weary, I'm sorry, too.
It must bring back painful memories. Would you rather we stoped this thread?

I'd be very interested to see a response to this.

No, it's fine. I've spoken about this before on Mumsnet on some of the teaching threads.

I'm finding the responses of the apologists hard to take, but at least I've been able to discuss this with people on here without being made to feel that I'm insane.

I recall tidying up my filing cabinet at work and coming across my account of the assault. I could not remember what I detailed in there.

I have blanks to this day. I clearly remember trying to protect my stomach. I only know that I was punched because I've read my own statement and other people have told me that I was assaulted. (I know that I sound crazy.)

I remember the teenage victim running into my room. I remember trying to keep out of the way. I remember seeing a fifth year boy looking in my room. I remember seeing the other two teachers in the room - one was standing in front of the teenage victim to protect him.

I remember seeing the Home Link Officer. This is the truly insane bit - I remember wondering why the fifth year had told my colleagues that I was being beaten up.

There was a period of time when I thought that only the men had been hit. I don't know how to explain this...I must have been aware because I described being punched in my statement, but I then blanked it all out.

I still can't remember the punch, even though I know it happened I clearly remember the miscarriage at work the next day.

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take over here, but I think it's important for people to understand.

In my case, the perpetrator painted himself as the victim, and it seems to me that this is what always happens.

After my husband died, I went back to teaching (on supply) because - quite simply - I have little else in my life.

I had to attend an online inset day for my LA. It was all about trauma response...That is, it framed all bad behaviour (no matter how violent) from pupils as a response to their trauma. No one is thinking about the victims.

We now have children who are school refusers because they know that very little will happen to perpetrators of violence if they are under 16.

There was a case in Scotland a few years ago where a woman teacher was stabbed in the neck by a 15 yr old boy. This was a mainstream school. The culprit used a pencil. The woman survived.

On social media, I saw posts blaming the teacher, claiming that she had caused her own assault. I'm sick of it all. I'm glad to see so many women on here saying that we've had enough of male violence.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45940788.amp

To those people who are saying that the OP was wrong to slap her grandson, I would ask them to explain what she should have done. Suppose she hadn't slapped him and he'd kept hitting her - how was she supposed to stop the assault?

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take over here, but I think it's important for people to understand.

Don't apologise. You are not taking over.

It is so important to understand that this is never ok and for you to know that you aren’t alone 💐

Thank you. That's very kind of you.

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take over here, but I think it's important for people to understand.
You are not taking over.

@WearyAuldWumman you're absolutely not taking over. The OP has gone quiet anyway, and yours has been a very important voice on the thread. You're someone who has lived this.

*You slapped your Grandson round the face?

You are an adult and he is a child!!*

It's concerning that this is the first thing you are concerned about and comment on from the OP's posts.

You have focused on the reactive slap done in a fight/flight situation and not on the unprovoked punch by a young male on an older woman.

Male violence is a huge problem.
From some posters we can see why.

A strong fourteen year old boy punching a woman in the stomach doesn’t need to be a ‘prolonged attack’. One well placed punch can do a lot of damage. And as we’ve already seen on this thread, in a younger woman could cause miscarriage. As has been explained to you several times the’ fight or flight’ response kicks in and you do what you need to do to protect yourself. Calling the police isn’t always an option. Sometimes you have to defend yourself - to be honest, this doesn’t even sound like that, it sounds more of a reflex. Perfectly normal and not an indications that OP is violent.

You are an adult and he is a child!!

I'm tearing my hair, now. These stupid, dangerous idiotic women just cannot absorb this -

He. is. not. a. child!

Do yourself a favour - enlighten yourself - request a 14 year old boy to get angry, shout swear and punch you in the stomach.
See if it feels like a child hit you.
See if it shocks you and hurts.
I swear they are on a wind up.

You are an adult and he is a child!!
At work about three years ago , it was during civid times anyway, a fourteen and a bit year old boy kicked a male member of staff in the testicle. The staff was off for 6 months and had to finish work. He still has complications from that injury.
I won't give any more details out except to say this child was taller and broader than thr staff and finished his assault by spitting on the staff as he lay in agony in the floor.
Never mind, he is a child ( ffs!)
'Children' can and do serious injuries to people.

Bellaboo01 simply cannot see that her attitude is part of the problem. Victim blaming at it's worst. No one has to take being a punch bag. Retaliation IS perfectly understandable and this case grandma didn't even give him the kick to the goolies that he deserved, just a slap. If little shits like him knew that if he lashed out someone would lash back maybe he'd keep his fists to himself and then maybe some future girlfriend would be spared the domestic violence he is clearly heading for. 14 is old enough to know that punching a woman in the stomach is very wrong.

@LordPercyPercy

Just looked up the Grandmother Sue Addis murder trial in which her teenage grandson stabbed killed 17 times,

Why the fuck is her Grandson allowed 🤔 to when he went to court trial last year, allowed to come to Court dressed as like he was a Ninji head covering warrior heading into battle?

Why is entiled to hide his face therefore hide his real identity in front of the worlds media press coverage then?

Why is allowed to hide himself in the shadows with cloak of anonymity from the full glare of the world's condemnation and anger,
why is his feelings protected then so much? 😡

What are other posters thoughts on this then?

Hopefully there were plenty enough photos of this Arsehole of grandson in the national newspapers who committed the ultimate atrocity against his lovely sounding grandmother,

There was a 14-year-old in America who strangled, stabbed and raped his maths teacher in the school bathroom.

I suppose he just needed a hug and some understanding.

@HollyKnight

Horrifically disturbingly twisted sick 😫 fuck case the 14 year old teenager male who strangled and stabbed and raped his maths teacher,

Like one poster said highlighted there is often an excuse 🤔 about the factors reasons for why the violent male teenager or violent abusive toxic male the pertradater committed his crime such as the classic one he came from bad background or his on the spectrum of some kind or he surfer's from poor mental health wellbeing,

and they never show remorse,

A lot of teenagers or grown ups have come from dysfunctional troubled backgrounds however they manage not to kill murder or and rape anyone,
despite their difficult upbringing

I am one of them came from extremely traumatic childhood, brought up in care homes cause my birth mother was severely mental ill, later on my adoptive mother who was lovely died young from cancer in my mid teens ect etc,

I find extremely offensive that their behaviour 😤 of violent males in our society is so often excused as Cause they had a difficult childhood,
as a factor for them murdering someone commiting domestic abuse violence sexual assaults rape,

Well join the bloody queue i had a real shit 💩 childhood at times too,
Just like others have had too in past,

It doesn't give anyone a excuse who commit Horrific crimes against society to have their criminal sentences reduced to ridiculous lengths of justice ⚖️ times,
because of the gullible naive male violence apologists enablers down players narrative,

It's a load of bullshit 💩 and bollox. !!!

WearyAuldWumman
Thank you for sharing your terrible experience on here - it must be very difficult to read this thread with the no-hopers continually making excuses for a young thug. I hope you have not been triggered by taking part, and that you eventually found some peace after the attack you suffered. Guessing that the apologists for injustice are more upsetting than anything. Take care. Sending virtual hug.

I couldn't agree more, @Cantalever.

I believe that it is possible to understand why someone acts the way they do (trauma, bad childhood, etc) but still condemn their violent behaviour!

As @cerisepanther73 so wisely says, many people have terrible, traumatic upbringings, but do not resort to violence as a result. We should never use their history as a reason to excuse violent behaviour, but perhaps we should be looking at why they resorted to violence, and couldn't control themselves, when others, with just as bad childhoods, can. Then maybe we can prevent more traumatised children becoming violent adults.

But the answer is NOT letting them get away with violence. The victim in this OP is @LadySmurf, and the failure of some posters to acknowledge this, and their attempts to make her responsible for the behaviour of the violent, near adult, male, is disappointing to say the least.

I wish I could live to see the day when perpetrators of violence against women were universally regarded with disgust and shunned...when we will be spared the current situation, of an endless procession of male abusers (including high profile men) largely escaping consequences and their wrongdoing overlooked and indulged.

It would actually be the best service we could do for young boys like the GS, to ensure that they get an overwhelming message straightaway that abuse is unacceptable and that if they continue to indulge in it they will be shunned and despised by everyone. But I am not hopeful when I look at this thread.

I read here nonsense posts with statements like 'love and hate are intertwined' which are abuser speak. Not that those stating them are abusers - but being an apologist for the abuser is not much better, they have decided to stand with the abusers against the victims. If this is how they really think then they have swallowed the abuser Kool-Aid.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/28251614/boy-12-four-more-youngsters-arrested-suspicion-rape/?utm_source=sharebar_app&utm_medium=sharebar_app&utm_campaign=sharebar_app_article

A 12 year old, a 13 year old and two 14 year old.
Perhaps the male violence apologists would like to come back and tell us that they're the real victims.

Fighting ? What is wrong with you ? It was an unprovoked punch to the stomach. That’s not fighting, it’s assault !! You may not be defending the child, but you absolutely are blaming the victim. What did you expect her to do sit him down for a cup of tea to discuss it ?