Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

So you believe grandma was in the habit of hitting grandson, and his punching her in the stomach was pre emptive self defence?

So now you’re grasping at things that might have happened?

Why would you love to hear my thoughts?

I would say if someone was being attacked then you do all means necessary to make sure you are safe and call the police.

It didnt sound like a prolonged attack from the OP's post - her Grandson was moody and sulky, was threatened with not have his gameplpay, punched Grandma, she slapped him back. They havent spoken since and she's wondering whether to buy him a present for his birthday!

Of course i would think it was wrong if he slapped Grandma round the face.

It's all wrong!

Yawn.

…doesn’t sound like a prolonged attack…

Well, that’s all right then.

I would love to hear the backstory that would excuse a youth punching a woman in the stomach.

Especially one who willingly wanted to have a sleepover.

Omg. It wasn't a prolonged attack because the Grandma stopped it and likely shocked him by defending herself. If she didn't, he possibly would have went further with his attack.

@Bellaboo01

I would say that if her grandson was acting with such a loss of control that he punched his own grandmother in the stomach, she would have been sensible not to assume he would land one blow and then just stop.

In general, if getting safe isn't an option because you're being attacked by someone stronger, how soon is it acceptable to use physical force to try to stop them, with a slap or punch in self defence? Should you always give someone the benefit of the doubt that they won't continue their assault? What if they punch you twice, is it then ok to respond in self defence to try to stop them?

Incredible, isn't it? And from someone who has cared for or worked with vulnerable youths apparently.

Quite .

I would say that if her grandson was acting with such a loss of control that he punched his own grandmother in the stomach, she would have been sensible not to assume he would land one blow and then just stop.

I do agree.

But I don’t think he lost all control. He chose to pop his Nan instead of his brother.

I completely agree, bad phrasing on my part. I guess I meant acting so unpredictably and frighteningly?

I really don’t phrase things beautifully when I’ve seen my arse so I understand. I know what you meant but I ran with it a bit. Sorry 🌺

FYI -- The law actually doesn't allow you to 'reserve the right to hit back harder'!

At the time of attack, it does. It does not allow me to call on him later and do him over.
This is because it is a 14 year old thug, not a naughty 4 year old.

Policewoman looks up at 14 year male:
' What was going on when Granny slapped you?'
' I had just shouted at her, swore at her and thumped her in the stomach...'

FYI -- The law actually doesn't allow you to 'reserve the right to hit back harder'!
I can assure you that in no way am i an enabler of male (or female) violence...quite the opposite.

But you are an apologist for violence against women. It's there in your own words.
The law allows for self-defence.

@Bellaboo01 I'm confused. Do you think the slap cancelled out the punch by the teenager? If the OP hadn't slapped him, would the outcome be different? Because I don't see how it makes what he did any better. I don't see how it changes that is a violent person. I don't see why the OP isn't still owed an apology. I don't see how it changes whether he deserves a present from the OP or not.

@WearyAuldWumman

so am I 💐

@Bellaboo01
Knowing that one punch can have potential to kill some one anyone if they stumble and crack their heads on the pavements or fire place at home or anywhere at home in the kitchen ect,

Do you know the world famous escapist artist and magician's Houndi was killed by a guy punching several times in the stomach rupturing perforated his stomach,

When are you allowed to fight back from someone who attacks you then ?

Is it one or few or several assaults /attacks then?

Are you even allowed in your skewed optics world way of thinking even allowed to use martial self defense to protect yourself from any male aggressiveness then ??

So essentially in your world way of 🤔 thinking mindset you have to be like someone with the hands tied behind their backs then,
another words,??

So essentially you are like a lamb to the 🦁 lion kind of situation

Yes i am all for thinking to a certain extant degree in a Holistic way such as ulitizing dire mental health service support and secondary school well being support whatever that is too,

looking at supporting family issues in Holistic ways with mental health services,

There obviously needs to be more youth clubs with enough variety of activities and good and better enough male role models too

How 🤔 do you think preventive work in regards of troubled teenagers males and one's at risk of joining gangs or being violent should be then?
What measures should be implemented then?

👏👏👏

@whatsitcalledwhen

Hear Hear with the way you succinctly put across a very valid insightful good points then,

Let's hear it from the @Bellaboo01 the male violence down player apologist recent spokesperson on here then
in regards of the interesting points you've made on here,@whatsitcalledwhen

I really hope @Bellaboo01 isn't a social worker or something similar. Imagine seeking help after being attacked by a family member, only to be told that you're at least equally at fault just because you instinctively defended yourself.

@Bellaboo01 I'm curious, if this had been a 25 year old adult punching an elderly lady in the stomach, would you still criticise her? Is your view of the situation purely due to the age of the attacker? In which case, perhaps consider where violent offenders come from and how a lack of consequences can feed into cycles of abuse.

Surely you can see how your reasoning is absurd if applied to other situations. Imagine a married couple. The man has been physically and verbally abusive for years. One day the woman hits back out of desperation. Is she now equally at fault???

My main question to you @Bellaboo01 is, with your blanket 'it's wrong to meet violence with violence' stance, at what point is it acceptable to hit back in order to attempt to stop an attack?

You say you wouldn't do so and instead would get safe and call the police. Surely you are aware that isn't always an option. If someone attacks you and you can't diffuse / walk away because they are bigger, stronger and the aggressor, at what point does 'meeting violence with violence' in fact become self defence?

Or do you believe self defence is wrong if it could potentially harm the aggressor? I'm just really struggling to understand your logic on this.

I don't think we will get any answers to our questions from these women.

They can come out with the condemnation, but not answers. Shame they are not so 'gentle' and ' understanding' when posting to the victim.
Shock! Horror! Woman stands up to her aggressor. (Even though she apologised later...)
'I would never...'
Chances are they have never needed to fend off an attacker, or we would have the benefit of their superior advice and knowledge.

See for me garden, the first time he hit me was a slap. I was too surprised to react.

The second time? When he punched me I reacted. And I did react even though I wasn’t a match. Not one bit. And I kept reacting until I just couldn’t any more. Anyone with sense would think why? Why did you try even though it was hopeless? It came from somewhere deeper than consciousness because I knew I was in trouble from the second that first wallop landed.

It never fails to surprise me that those with that kind of rage never take it out on anyone else who might be able to fight fairly. A pal. A bloke in the street. A colleague. They always choose their victim carefully. I don’t buy a loss of control.

There is always a choice and they always make the right one for them.

It really bothers me that the lad chose to punch his grandma instead of the brother who needled him. And trust me, that would have been bloody awful too.

But he chose to punch her. Not shove. Not slap. Not strop. Not swear more and flounce away.

Punch.