Paying over £1000 for adult child's hobbies

[Anklie]

I've been seeing a man for over 2 years. We are in the process of moving in together and are engaged. I love him and don't intend to leave him over this. I have no children of my own so need perspective.
He earns well, we are both mortgage free, we are keeping my property and renting it out and using the income to cover our bills.

Tonight we were going through our bank statements we agreed to do this as in living together we think transparency is important (I was mainly looking for signs of gambling after my ex husband).
I found out he spends £800+ per month on his daughter's (she is 23) personal training (2 times a week), £140 on her gym membership and £260 on her pilates. On top of that he pays for two private members club fees every year.
She lives in a 1 million pound flat near Hyde park, she wants for nothing! She makes 45k but her boyfriend is making over 6 figures at 30.
He makes £160,000 a year but is currently putting 15-20% a month into his pension. He wants to retire soon (he's 58).
Now I make £70,000 and have no one relying on me so I know it won't impact me but I just feel this is excessive.
This is on top of other excessive spending on her at birthday and Christmas, and paying for her to go visit his elderly parents in France around 6 times a year for a weekend (this is really just flights but it adds up!).

AIBU to think this is excessive and not really teaching her anything?
I get the impression she intends to go from her dad funding to her boyfriend funding her!

Don’t forget that his salary is HUGE compared with the average income.

PS. I googled the figures. Only 0.5% of the population earns more than £150k. So the other 95.5 is bound to think that £1000 a month is an excessive.

…amount
😊

This is very true; and a lot of his bills will be the same as, or not vary greatly from, those of us on much lower incomes: same TV licence, same phone contract cost, same broadband bill, similar car insurance, only needs to eat the same food as anybody else (might choose to go more luxurious!) etc. etc.

Therefore, his remaining disposable income will be disproportionately far, far higher than the average person/household.

I am nearly 50 and my dad still treats me to the odd thing that I couldn't otherwise afford.

I haven't read the full thread. I'm baffled by the people saying 'not your kid not your roolz'. It's a massive waste of money that could be put more productively into just about anything, like investing, or a trust fund for future grandchildren.

Where to start.
#1--Unless you and he are planning to have bull riding contests inside his home, the "large repairs" will not be that often.

#2--What about YOUR large repairs? You do know that renting out your house can result in major repairs after every tenant? At the least, it consists of carpet cleaning, carpet replacement, plumbing fixes, paint, deep cleaning. In time, it will also be appliance replacement, roof replacement, outside yard repair/maintenance, furnace/hot water heater replacement. You will have MANY more major repairs than your partner will.

Yes, it's your choice. You posted wanting either commiseration or surprise at your partner's spending on his DD. You did not get that. But, you also opened yourself up to people who see how this will probably kick you in the ass in the end and are not afraid to say it.

It smacks of desperation to me, your desperation to have a partner/husband and what you are willing to overlook to get that result. Your choice.

The point is, it’s his money and he can spend it on what and how he likes! You may want to spend it on something else but he doesn’t. Also spending money on his daughter’s health is actually storing up good things for her, she’s more healthy and happy. If he was giving her it for drink or drugs that would be a waste of money, but again, HIS money!

Wtf. How could investing, or future grandchildren be more important than his actual living child.
People are nuts.

Ah yes. Yhe MN favourite of absolutely refusing to see any merit in giving your children anything the second they turn 18. To the extent that we're now suggesting investing for children that might never exist over making the life of the existing one nicer.

"Anything". It's £1000 a month when people are struggling to afford food, and when there is a productivity crisis. The adult child could use Pure Gym and motivate herself to do a few circuits and runs every week - leaving £900 a month for frankly better use.

The fact that somebody wants to spend something on what they want doesn't make it worthwhile! Thankfully we have a tax system and I hope taxes go up soon for the highest-earners just to ensure resources are put to more productive use.

Oh please.
What rubbish.

Of what relevance is this to a family that is very obviously not struggling to afford food and have good, well paid jobs? Your post reeks of jealousy.

You’re right. So many posts on here reek of jealousy.

Get yourself a better paid job if you’re so jealous of other people having money to spend on what they want! Do you smoke or drink or take drugs, if so look at your spending. People are allowed to buy what they like and shouldn’t have the threat of higher taxes because small minded, jealous people don’t like it.

No, I have a pretty good salary. It's more that I'm horrified by the waste of it, when it could be put to so much better use.

The money isn't being burned. It is being used to pay businesses such as the personal trainer.

Do you suffer from terrible nose bleeds all the way up on that high horse?

If a person can afford to pay for things for their adult children (or indeed, whoever), and they want to do that, then they can. Whether that is a fancy gym membership or funding research into breeding unicorns, it really doesn't matter, that's their prerogative.

The fact that you don't value it or think it's best spent or put in trust for people who may never exist or an apocalypse that might never come, doesn't make you a better person than them.

Horrified by a gym membership.

Please do provide a full breakdown of all your monthly expenditures. I'm pretty sure we could find something less important than humanitarian aid or medical research to be horrified by.

As if it's so easy for someone caught in the poverty trap to get a better paid job "just like that". Seriously, go find some empathy, you can't actually buy yourself that.

Nothing to do with empathy, it’s calling someone out for shaming other people for spending their own money on what they want. Last time I looked, that wasn’t a crime, but jealous people can’t bear it. So maybe mind your business!

Deleted because I just can't deal with this kind of thing at the moment without being extremely rude.

To be fair the poster said they earned a decent salary so not in poverty