for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

[MrsPuddle]

I dont particularly enjoy my job or it would be ok, but now he is 65 and I am 55, I am getting resentful as he is out and about enjoying himself, going on lads holidays etc and I am stuck at home behind a screen. I just cant do this for another 5 years, but he cant see the problem. If we wait until I am 60 he will be 70 and he will be older and who knows, maybe not well, and not inclined to be active with me. We will have enough money, if we just tighten out belts in retirement. Has anyone else faced this issue with an older partner? thanks

Can you afford more fun in your life even with work hours? After work? A trip together? A class?

I sympathise, my DH is 20-odd years older and retired when we both got made redundant 7 years ago (he was 60). I hate that I still have to work and we don’t spend that much time together. I’d love to go part time but there just isn’t anything around and not really possible in my current role 😢.

I wouldn't even mind doing longer shifts but fewer days but I can’t find anything like that either ☹️. I’m aware of the right to make a flexible work request but I know it couldn’t be accommodated without them having to employ extra so that is a non-starter too.

It sucks. No advice but lots of sympathy.

Retiring at 55 basically from jealousy, and enforcing a tighter lifestyle seems a bit selfish. I don't see the issue with the expectation you work until 60- given May people won't and can't retire at that age, and will continue working until nearer 70. He has the bigger pensions, this is your opportunity to improve yours. Can you make voluntary contributions to increase yours? It's another 5 years, which is still 'young' to retire

This is difficult because, well, when you got with him in your twenties, I am sure every friend you had said 'don't do it, it's fine now, it won't be when you're older.'

What did you think would happen?

How bizarre, I fully expect by husband to retire before me because he is older!

We might not work until exactly the same age but I don’t presume I will stop when he does. Most couples don’t stop at the same time, unless they happen to be the same age.

Why not explore how much your pension (presumably private) is worth and see if it is beneficial to you to take it now, either by annuity or annual drop-down.
Presumably, you won't be entitled to the state pension until you are 66//7, so you'd have to factor in how long your private may last - will it take you to state pension age?

Is your DHs pension both state and private? If so, then it will seem much more than yours as he has 2 'incomes'

This one is down to what life-style you want. Can you afford to do all your hobbies/outings as well as cover bills etc?

Ah well I thought marriage was a partnership and you share? If I had said I wanted to take time out to look after the kids, (I didnt) I wonder if thats more acceptable?

My husband's 12 years older than me. The plan is when he retires we swap roles. He takes on the house and the kid with SNs and I go full time. Can't ruddy wait me. Just a few years left.

If you bloke has retired, he should be doing the vast majority of the house graft if you're working full time. Is he at least doing that?

Did it not occur to you through your marriage before now that this might happen? What conversations did you have about this?

I agree with people mentioning housework. He should definitely be doing all the cooking and cleaning!

Can you go part time as that seems like a possible compromise?

Although you may not have been thinking about this in your twenties, surely you discussed it in your forties?

Where does it end though? If he'd retired at 55 would you have expected to stop at 50?

I think you're just jealous that you're still going out to work and he gets to do whatever he wants - which is understandable but normal when you have an age gap.

Ask him to do housework, repairs and cooking.
I am looking forward to that when DH retires.

Retiring early to prove some point and make it so you both have a poorer quality of life in retirement makes no sense.

as others have said look into moving to part time if that would help

YABU. My DH is older than me, by five years, and he is semi-retired - he works half-days. I work full time. He has lots of hobbies he does in the other time, and also does most of the housework, shopping, cooking etc. His pension is considerably larger than mine, so I expect him to be completely retired at some point while I am working full time

This

Me too.

Me and DH are same age, after a restructure just before his 55th birthday he took redundancy and retirement option, i would have loved to retire then too, instead I had to work another 2 years before we agreed that I should stop work. I was resentful but he did take over all the household chores including shopping and cooking, still hated it and was so good to finally leave work.

Is his pension more than you earn? Are you not a family, where all money goes into one pot?

60 is definitely now considered early. I’m 44 and am hoping I can be done by 65 but really don’t know. I’m single too so going earlier just won’t be an option. Go to 4 days or see if you can WFH which would definitely help. But I don’t think your husband is unreasonable to think that you would work until 60.

I'm your age and will be retiring at 67 when my SRP is due. I would consider this to be the case regardless of what my partner happened to be doing as I'm an individual with my own responsibility to earn my keep and contribute to the world, so I can't really understand why you think your older husband's retirement entitles you to the same. Unless you have ill health, I think you're being rather dramatic at 55 to claim you just can't sit at a screen at home any more. Why on earth not?
With age gaps you are always going to have areas of life where you're out of step with each other. Goes with the territory. But I think its a mistake to try to close that gap by pushing yourself on to their stage, and living the life of a person ten years older. Your time will come soon enough.

Wow. Aren't you a peach. Op is lucky to be able to retire at 60. Many of us won't have this option. How would you feel if a younger partner tried to take the joy out of your long awaited retirement? What a nasty post

It should all be agreed together. It seems unfair that you should be slinging away for another 10 years while he’s off enjoying himself. By the way, I hope he’s doing ALL the household jobs/shopping/cooking etc etc as he’s got so much free time.

This would be my concern as well and a reason I would want to retire earlier than him and which I think is a good reason to do so

This. My dad is 5 years older, and was a House Husband after he retired—did all the house admin, gardening, shopping, laundry, and cooking (they hired a cleaner). He did have hobbies and do things with friends. OP, I guess it depends on whether he has taken on the load of household tasks whilst you’re working FT? Or has he simply disappeared on a perma-holiday?