for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

[MrsPuddle]

I dont particularly enjoy my job or it would be ok, but now he is 65 and I am 55, I am getting resentful as he is out and about enjoying himself, going on lads holidays etc and I am stuck at home behind a screen. I just cant do this for another 5 years, but he cant see the problem. If we wait until I am 60 he will be 70 and he will be older and who knows, maybe not well, and not inclined to be active with me. We will have enough money, if we just tighten out belts in retirement. Has anyone else faced this issue with an older partner? thanks

I'm more inclined to a colossal wind-up.

This would be my worry

I wanted to stay I’m sorry you are feeling so frustrated. I can totally see it from your perspective you have been supporting your husband for 5 years. I think the post important thing to do is figure out what you want. If it’s working in an office and interacting with others more then go for it. I think it’s probably sensible to work another 5 years but not in your current role. Your husband spending all those years living off your income and then suddenly heading off on lads holidays would massively
piss me off.

So he didn't retire at 60 he stopped working and contributing financially? So you could stop work at 60 and he'll pay for everything for the subsequent 5 years ?

So he gave up work and you've paid for everything for the past 5 years? That's not on. I assumed he took his pension early and was paying half the bills and his holidays. He's probably laughing at you.

I am 💯 with @fieldsofbutterflies and have done the same (we arent 40 yet...)
And i had no whale music for any of my births and they turned out great 😜

I also think while you can be upset all you like the reality is you are fortunate to even have the option/ be able to retire at 60.

I laughed at "worked all my life" comment
most people do! And he has worked 10 years longer than you!

Is your Issue that he didnt contribute at all financially for 5 years? Not even via savings? Because that is different....
Also you implied his pension is small but yours is much worse? Have you actually done the numbers / looked at your future finances?

Who knows what the real issue is? OP is as enigmatic as Greta Garbo, and just as good at sharing information.

YANBU! My parents have a 15y gap and they retired at the same time.
How fair would it be for your DH to enjoy his freedom now and when you finally join him you will be looking after him as health often starts to go downhill from there.

@MrsPuddle Your previous posts say you left teaching at age 54, after 33 years. And that you're now competing for other jobs. Presumably you've found one but you're not enjoying it?

You will have a significant pension as a former teacher, working for 33 years, which you can access at 60.

However, it does depend a little on how much work you did and if that was full time.

Have you got a pension forecast from Teachers' Pensions?

Is that how marriages work?

My DH took early retirement at 52. He was 7 years older than me and I retired at 65. For 20 years I worked and he didn't but he ran the house like clockwork. I didn't do any shopping (unless I fancied the idea), laundry, cooking or cleaning. His pension was more than my salary and I never begrudged him one minute of his retirement because I loathe cleaning and my wonderful DH did it all!

Every weekend we went out and about together - country walking, trips to other towns, any adventure we fancied.

It was wonderful and if I could go back I would, even though it would mean me being back in the office.

You’ve subsidised him for the last 5 years, now it’s time for him to subsidise you for the next few years.

If you’ve worked in education, can you do the odd few days of supply, teacher or TA, to give you money for the extra holidays or luxuries?

My DH is 11 years older than me. Some people said when I married him that I would end up his nurse. He went part time at 65 and took half his occupational pension. I would always come home to dinner on the go it was great. I was very lucky to be able to take voluntary early retirement at 58. DH at 73 is still not completely retired, he has advisory/consultancy work and academic research/writing. He has no major health issues and doesn’t need nursing or care. We’ve had 34 wonderful years and I’d do it all again even if his health collapsed tomorrow. There are no guarantees in life, you could marry someone the same age and still end up their carer if they got MS or early onset dementia or something.

Some are presuming that he does nothing around the house, others assumed that he is running the household.
The details of the finances are not specified.
Frankly, as OP is not returning with these details, I assume that he is running the house and probably had redundancy and no luck getting a job when he was over sixty.
I can understand the OP being annoyed, but it would not be an outrage of the show was on the other foot.

I started wanting to hear other peoples experience and view on large age gaps etc, so thank you for the responses. As for additional details, thats not the point, ca we stop now!!

@MrsPuddle Fair enough!

DH and I are planning retirement at 60. He'll hit it 11 months before me. We've also talked about carrying on working after 60 if we want to, but if that's the case I'll be going part time as one of my pensions pays out at 60 automatically.

You ask how people plan this in advance - we've planned this 20 years in advance based on our occupational pensions. I've never included the state pension in my calculations as I have little faith in it paying out in 25+yrs time.

What were your personal plans for retirement before he was made redundant?

What were his plans for his retirement? Why didn't he find a new job after redundancy?

If you've been the sole income for the last five years have you really never discussed how you'll survive and how you'll plan for any changes this makes to retirement?

I started wanting to hear other peoples experience and view on large age gaps etc, so thank you for the responses. As for additional details, thats not the point, ca we stop now!!

It is the point though but you're not happy about people asking you questions.

He didn't retire at 60. He was made redundant. You've not answered if he was given a lump sum and if that's gone towards your finances since.

So that was 5 years ago - plenty of time for you both to talk about what you both wanted.

But just before he was made redundant you left teaching and took on other work that you aren't enjoying.

It was always going to be the case the with a 10 year age gap, he either had more 'leisure time' than you if he retired at 60/65.

Surely that has been clear since you married?

You say he expects you to work till you're 60.
Do you always do what he says? Is he a bully? You make it sound as if you have to obey him.

The point is when can you afford to stop work?

Maybe he just wants to do stuff with his mates and not you?
You can't be short of money is he's having 'single' holidays away with his mates.

Is there a history of him telling you what to do?

If you think you can manage without your income for 5 years, just stop work.
You don't need his permission.

True, you can't plan for redundancy. But knowing your partner is 10 years older than you the thought should have crossed your mind that he'd be retired before you.
That's all that's happened here. It happened a bit quicker due to redundancy but even if that hadn't happened you'd be thinking that he'd have worked to at least 65 and you would have had another 10 years to retirement age.
Or was the plan always that once he retired you would too, and then that changed due to him being made redundant rather than formally retiring?
I understand being a bit envious, but your OP makes you sound resentful of him rather than wishing you were in a position to join him.

My partner (we don’t live together) is 55 and I’m 50. He is mortgage free and currently work 4 days a week and has a day off studying / doing his hobbies / it’s fine. He plans to retire in 3 years as he can. I will be 53. I aim to drop to 3 days at that point. He can have 3 days doing his own thing and we have 4 together, is that possible. His pension is pot money - time for a conversation about what you both want

How negatively is your projected pension affected by you retiring at 55 rather than 60?

That is gutted, I just don't know how you resolve this apart from requesting he does all the housework now in view of the fact he is not working and you are.
Plus we can predict that you will be caring for him when you do finally retire.

If he loves you as much as you love him surely he can see your point of view?

Otherwise I suggest you get yourself fired and then struggle to find another job

They shouldn't