In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

Such a stupid thing to say, considering I have already have a child.

Sorry I genuinely and honestly didn’t foresee my child breaking their ankle and being in a cast for weeks. I also didn’t foresee a childcare provider being unable to take them because they won’t provide Calpol.

reckless way to live

I'm so sorry your ILs aren't being extra helpful here. It is really hard when you have a plan that works well and something throws it all out.

I think you may have unwittingly found your IL's line in the sand with this though. They may have offered more, but either that day off to do things is very valued or they just can't cope with more than 1 day a week.

And that is entirely their choice. But at the same time if you have such a giving relationship with them it is completely understandable that it has upset you.

Not half as stupid as having a child then blaming your PIL for not providing free childcare.

This is very true. I think the “we want her more than them” is a bit of a game!

Have asked the nursery for a copy of their policy and an explanation for the blanket Calpol policy?

My DD takes painkillers every day of her life, and always will do, and neither of the nurseries she went to had an issue giving prescribed painkillers at a set time. Neither would give random painkillers to children, but prescribed by a doctor was different.

YANBU. That sounds really tough OP. You do generally have very good support from family, which is why you're getting negative responses, but on this occasion, it would be so helpful if they could step up just very short term.

We have 2 dd and absolutely no family help. If we'd been in your shoes, I would have had to take a mix of paid and unpaid leave from work and got into debt - but my work is accommodating so at least I knew they'd be fine with this. It is really hard if you don't have those options. DD are 10 and 12 now so we don't have these worries so much these days.

It may be that DD doesn't need calpol for the whole 6 weeks tbh - she may be OK by next week and fine in nursery.

well, the nursery problem is calpol related, so how about she goes into nursery every morning, fully dosed up, then is collected by a grandparent every day at lunchtime, and taken home ready for her next dose? So she gets half days at nursery, and grandparents could do 2 half days each rather than 1 full day?

It would be nice if they helped out more in an emergency like this....but they already do a day a week.

This

Give your head a wobble OP. Many of us have had no help ever.

If you have no contingency for anything out of the ordinary then yes it is reckless.

I do think our only solution may end up being taking unpaid leave & getting into debt. Which isn’t ideal; however as you’ve said if we had no family around that would be the only option anyway!

I'm hoping she won’t need Calpol for the whole 6 weeks bless her! I feel so sad for her with a leg cast, but she should be out before she knows it. Xx

oh goody....another one that believes in keeping a scorecard!

The OP already gets quite a bit of help from her in-laws, but I guess if they aren't willing to accommodate every request they should expect to be ignored if or when they need help someday?

Many people would consider one day per week of free childcare a big help.

I think it's really sad how low people's bars are for family support, and I mean that genuinely because I absolutely couldn't raise my child without my family. Judging by a lot of these comments I suppose I shouldn't have even had him if I couldn't manage alone but here we are!

Op, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I think we absolutely should be able to rely on family in times of emergency, just as they could rely on me in their times of emergency! Do they understand quite the extent to which you're out of other options?

Clearly not!!!

I’ve never not said I don’t consider it a big help can I add. I’ve just said I’m disappointed that in a time of genuine crisis my father in law who doesn’t work can’t help more.

doesn’t mean I won’t help them if they need us, doesn’t mean I don’t consider what they do a big help.

im just stressed & disappointed

Actually it’s a very fair point. What’s your plan for your child if they were to become ill or injured, even if it’s just for a few weeks.

Thats not your parents or in laws responsibility it’s yours as their parent. If it’s impossible for you to provide that care then you should have thought a bit more carefully before bringing a child into the world that you expect others to pick up the slack for.

Kids break stuff. Shit happens.

You could have had a child with a permanent disability. You just have to get on with it and not expect others to do your parenting for you.

You've just laughed and agreed with a post calling your FIL a lazy piss taker - this will be the FIL who already minds your child for one day a week. I think the piss taker might be you!

There are a number of reasons why a person might not work - he might have supported MIL in her career by doing childcare when your dh was younger. Or he may have health issues that you know nothing about. Him not working has certainly benefited you! To be so scathing of a person who regularly helps you out, is unbelievably rude.

we have no help from family at all, despite both sets of grandparents (neither work) always saying “we will help out always” but funnily when we ask they always have a reason why they can’t.

You posted this in February.
So it’s great that both sets of grandparents are now doing a day a week. I’d call that a win.

I haven't read the whole thread but it could be worth checking if the nursery will take her if the calpol is prescribed by a doctor? That way it's clear it's for the injury, not because of illness, and would come under a different medical/medication policy. Sorry if you've already explored this x

It's shit OP, but yes if you can't flex your hours at all then it will have to be unpaid leave. That's parenting unfortunately.

When we had two in ft nursery in the 21/22 academic year (ie huge numbers of respiratory infections doing the rounds and PCR testing still mandated for the early part of the winter) we went three months without a single week where we both worked 5 days. It's shit. If we didn't have flexible jobs we would've gone under (nearest family is an hour and a half away, so it's all on us). Sometimes these things just can't be helped.

Ignore the posters who think you're being strange and entitled to expect family to help on a temporary basis in an emergency.

Back in the real world (where everyone isn't NC with each other), it is normal for families to rally round when one member is ill or injured.

I can understand why you're feeling let down.

Ibuprofen lasts longer. I’d give her Calpol when she wakes and ibuprofen just before she goes into nursery and I bet she’d be ok for 8 hours.

Hi there,

I agree with some previous posters that this really does fall to you to sort and your in-laws are entitled to book time away and enjoy their holidays. I know that is not very helpful, but it answers the question you asked I think.

In case it is in any way helpful to you, I'll tell you what I would do personally in this situation...I would ask my employer for the unpaid time off to mind your child (hopefully you have parental leave left and they can't refuse you it) and I would take out a small loan to cover my lost earnings. I'm sure €1,000 would cover the 6 days you need to take. Then I would pay the loan off over a year at a rate of €20 per week. Hope this helps!