In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

Thank you. Father in law doesn’t work & always makes comments that he wishes he has DD more instead of my parents having her. However when we’re in a crisis & need a little bit more of (temporary) childcare - nope nothing.
we have had numerous incidents of in laws saying they wish to see DD more, have her overnight more. They even asked us to stop sending her to nursery so they could have her more, but we thought nursery was good for social skills……

You are being a bit unreasonable although I understand why and think posters could be more sympathetic. I'd lose my job in your circumstances.

One observation I’ve made since joining is that some really do not realise how bloody lucky they are to have family support (child care). This isn’t necessarily aimed at you op, but yabu if you aren’t willing to take more leave but expect your mil to use hers to care for your child.

You’re being massively unreasonable. Your mil is on leave. Leave the woman alone to enjoy her time off. It sounds like she more than deserves it

Your FIL has never worked and you REALLY think this lazy piss taker is going to watch a two year old all day? Hahaaa. That's funny.

@Quitelikeit - ugh the Calpol thing is a policy they have, if they give a child Calpol they have to send them home. So even though the hospital said she’ll need it, if they were to give it their policy says “she needs to go home”!

@Chocochoo - I know Calpol thing is a nightmare. I’ve asked them for some money back as I do appreciate they have bills etc, but they’re also saying she can’t go, despite a dr note saying she’ll need Calpol and it’ll only be because of this reason.

Hahahahahahahahahah true

Yeah, I think that as they are already doing quite a lot, one can't necessarily expect more. My mum always did more than ILs when kids were little, anything with ILs always had to be on their terms, but I accept that was because they ran their own businesses and they couldn't be the ones to go above and beyond. But even if they didn't I think one has to accept parents' and ILs' choices about how much they are willing to do.

Your mil has booked time off work to do things she wants to Shes already having her one day. This is your responsibility not theirs

No it’s not their duty to have the child especially as they already do one day a week, BUT as a nan I don’t understand how they can say no if I’m in a position to help I always do, it’s family

of course I’m willing to take leave, I’ve taken lots of time off - as has DH! But we have 6 more weeks of DD in a cast, and with FIL not working I hoped he’d help.
MIL has said multiple times she wants DD more and wants more days with her, so guess their message is conflicting too.

If I was already giving up a day every week to provide free childcare I’d think it was the parents’ responsibility to use their annual leave or parental leave for situations like this. An injured and probably grinchy toddler isn’t anyone’s idea of fun - that’s a parent sort of job and in GP’s position I’d honestly feel like the parents were taking the piss a bit trying to foist it off on others.

Your comment is incredibly unfair and I expect they sense an entitled attitude from you. Your in-laws are providing one day per week already. They are helping!

I think you’re being really unreasonable, grandparents that help are a bonus, not a right that we all have. I know how hard it is when a little one breaks a bone (poor baby, I hope her recovery is quick) but it’s on you and your husband, not any of your parents.

You say they have booked somewhere because she is on leave. Surely they are entitled to a holiday.
They do help with childcare but I think it's unfair of you to expect them to drop everything and do extra

Your daughter has two parents and yet you still get a day's free childcare a week and are whinging you don't have more.

They do enough. Be bloody grateful.

Op, I'm saying this as nicely as I can, but you really are coming across like a spoilt brat. Honestly, your attitude is so ungrateful and immature. When my kids were little, my husband and I had no help whatsoever due to distance. We never had help, ever. You have an amazing amount of support. It's a shame that you have seemingly so little appreciation of how fortunate you are. I understand you're frustrated and a bit fed up, but it's time for a deep breath and a head wobble.

Your MIL works full time. She’ll have been really looking forward to her holiday, as we all do. I bet she had a real heart-sink moment when your daughter’s accident coincided with her planned holiday, and your hopeful eyes turned in her direction. Good for her to be assertive enough not to let you rob her of her hard-earned holiday.

I can only echo Outnumbered83 - some people receive so much support and yet it never seems to be quite enough...

Nursery are being ridiculous but c'mon OP, you get 2 days of free childcare a week where your DD is looked after by those who love her as much as you do. Count your blessings!

So to understand: you need an extra 1.5 days a week of childcare because nursery can’t take her, due to need for calpol? And this situation will continue for 6 weeks?

Can you find a childminder / nanny to do the days - what is it 9 days total over 6 weeks?

Or take unpaid leave?

It’s a nice idea that family will provide childcare but you can’t expect it. Caring for a two year old with a broken ankle isn’t going to be very easy, I can appreciate why FIL doesn’t want to commit to it.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility

I don't think you do, not really. You're coming off terribly entitled here. No one owes you childcare.

You’re so lucky you get help already. So so lucky.

I think it's sad they won't help you in this instance. It's a one off emergency not anything regular. I also agree with PP. There are lots of jealous people on Mumsnet who never had any help from their parents so think everyone should be the same. I would always try in situations like this to help my children. Especially if I didn't even work.

I do understand I sound a little like a brat! But I am stressed.

However, I do love that people think I can just afford to take unpaid leave, or even pay ANOTHER childcare provider like a nanny or childminder.

Our nursery costs us £140 a week. So getting unpaid leave or paying someone else is difficult. Especially when we have my father in law moaning that we shouldn’t leave DD with my parents as they want to have DD more in the week.

just a stressful situation. We’ll muddle through

Entitled!
sorry to think you are being ridiculous- what the hell do you think parents do when their child is ill- annual leave, parental leave, wfh, compress hours, call in sick, unpaid leave- we all have to figure it out!