In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

OP sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment with your recent predicament
I think families should pull together in times of need

Hopefully your DC gets better soon and all gets back to normal very soon .

YABU for the misleading thread title. They do help, as do your parents.

You and your husband need to sort this out between you.

Thank you; you’ve made me feel better. And of course we do help our in laws. They enjoy many weekends/trips away where we look after their pets. & help them out when doing DIY. That’s what family is for, helping eachother. I understand everyone else has their own work etc. but father in law doesn’t! But is what it is

Wow sooo entitled! You chose to have a child and it sounds like your parents and PIL already help out (which they are not obliged to do). YABU.

I've skim read so I'm sorry if this has already been suggested, would nursery allow you, your DP or one of the grandparents to go in at lunch time to give her calpol? My children's school won't give calpol but will allow parents to go in and give it. Depending on how close nursery is to your work or grandparents homes that might be a workable option?

when the inlaws are older and if they need help from you.. you know what to do!!

Well technically if you really want to be transactional the OP could offer help one day per week as that's what she gets from them🙄

Ridiculous.

I have not seen this post. I read the first post that says ops parents have the child one day and then inlaws have said they won't be helping. If I have mis understood this then apologies but it's still not something I agree with in terms of the way the inalws are acting. They should help. If you can't turn to your inlaws for this type of support who can you go to and the amount of negative comments at op is pathetic.

Well I feel sorry for you OP, it's an emergency and only for a few weeks. You're not being entitled at all in my opinion. I'm a grandmother and I always help out if needed, that's what families are for. Hope you get it sorted.

Up the nursery hours like we all do .

It’s literally in the OP’s first post!

Look I know it's shit, but both

A) paying only £140 a week for childcare with a 2yo, and

B) only having to cover 0.75 days a week each when childcare falls through due to illness or injury

Are both making me wildly jealous tbh. You're massively lucky compared to so many parents of young children, both generally and in this particular crisis.

Not the point of your thread l know. But he’s never ever worked?! Wow. Huge backstory lm guessing

For all the people who just said “you and husband need to sort it out between you”.

Please I actually beg, tell me how.
We’ve both taken a substantial amount of annual leave. My husbands work allows 5 days “last minute” annual leave which he has taken. My work allows 7 days “last minute” annual leave, 6 of which have been taken. After these allowances we would need to take the time as “parental leave” which is of course unpaid.

Unpaid leave we can’t afford much of, we have bills and a mortgage to pay.
We can’t afford a different childcare solution like a Nanny or Childminder.
neither of us are in jobs we can work from home, nor could we swap days around.
Our last option was to ask my father in law, whom doesn’t work… if he could help, not even for the full 1.5 days… any help. But he doesn’t want too.

so please, If someone could tell me how to “sort this out between me and my husband” that would be fab x

Have u read any of the post?

It is up to them but if they won't help you out in these circumstances as a one-off, I would be keeping a mental note and reevaluate how much you do for them.

Yes you’re being entitled. How do you think people with no family nearby cope when children can’t attend nursery through illness? They have to muddle through with unpaid leave, trying to wfh as best they can with a toddler around etc. Just because you view your in laws as having time available to help, doesn’t mean they don’t need that time for something else, even if just time to relax. There’s another post on here from a grandmother feeling burnt out by her adult children’s demands on her, including childcare for grandchildren.

I know it isn’t a race to the bottom but you get way more than me childcare wise and way more than most people. My mum had done zero childcare and not even changed a nappy. Not great when l have twins and childcare is so expensive

You are coming across as massively entitled.

Your childcare is your problem not your parents or in-laws. If you can’t cope without them bailing you out then you have created a rod for your own back.

Why have children if the only way you can cope is to burden others?

Upping the nursery hours won't work obviously as the nursery won't take the child who needs Calpol.

They don't have to look after your children

As someone who never had any help with childcare, and a massive nursery bill it can feel annoying when people moan about free childcare. However - I never had a child with a foot in a cast for 6 weeks either. What a total nightmare.

Do you have a copy of the nursery medication policy? My nursery would only give calpol before phoning a parent to immediately pick up, and exclude for 48 hours, as a rule. However - they would give medication (e.g. antibiotics) as prescribed by a doctor. I would argue that this falls into the second category rather than the first, and concentrate my energy on making that argument to nursery. Alternatively - calpol in the morning, then pick up early?

This! Such an entitled attitude. If it isn’t practical or financially possible then don’t have kids at all.

If you're that hacked off, go no contact and don't accept the considerable help that they already provide.

Did you not think of this before having children?

It seems a very reckless way to live and was bound to end in trouble at some point.

They don’t have to help, but it’s rotten that in a situation like this, and where they’ve been saying they want to have her more, that they won’t.

At least you know now to downright ignore the “we want to have her more” comments because you know what they really mean is “we don’t want your parents to have her more than us”