In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

Thank you gingertam x

FIL not working is really none of your concern. They are helping. They don't have to.

So your parents and parents in law are saving you a fortune every week and you are still complaining it’s not enough?

I would be worried about my child attending nursery with a healing break in case they get knocked in a busy environment. Can you or your partner ask work to take the 1.5 days each week that she goes to nursery as parental leave. (This is usually unpaid). Maybe just for a few weeks until she is less fragile.

"I do understand... However"

No, you don't. You feel completely entitled to more of your in-laws' time. Just own it.

The way you’ve spoken about your in-laws, especially sneeringly about your father in law, you don’t seem to like them at all, I don’t know why you want them to look after your daughter more, why don’t you ask one of your parents if they are willing to drop another day

No they don't. Ops parents do one day. And actually responsibility aside as grandparents who will I'm sure ask for help when they are older one day, they can help out in this time of need due to the ankle break of dc.

However, I do love that people think I can just afford to take unpaid leave, or even pay ANOTHER childcare provider like a nanny or childminder.

From this and your other threads it sounds like a DH problem: you’ve said he has a well-paid job and often works overtime but he doesn’t see the extra money he earns as shared money so you don’t see the benefit. You taking time off for DD isn’t your responsibility to shoulder financially when you take unpaid leave, it’s his as well.

Im going against the majority here but I think they could help out. It's temporary it's not like your asking for it to be permanent. You'd think their grandchild not being able to go to nursery because she needs pain relief was a valid reason to look after her, it's not like your off on a jolly.

Especially when we have my father in law moaning that we shouldn’t leave DD with my parents as they want to have DD more in the week.

If this is the case why haven't you or DH had a word with him and asking why, if he doesn't want your parents to have DD more, he can't look after her for this one day?

And that’s expected and as it should be as you’re the parent. Shit happens unexpectedly and as hard as it is, parents have to deal with it. Have you tried to have a conversation with PIL regarding them giving mixed messages?

What a stressful situation. It’s a bloody nightmare both working when you have kids. We have 2 and no family childcare. Both our families live close by. My MIL hasn’t worked since she was 21. She would never give up a day to look after a grandchild! FIL retired years ago and wouldn’t either. Not much help, sorry, but you’re already lucky to get so much help.

Exactly this. Temporary & I’m not wanting to go off to a party!! We’re needing to work!

@ComtesseDeSpair what are you talking about? I’ve said multiple times on this thread both me and my husband have taken (equal if you must know) time off already for this.

Oh OP I get it.

I'm not sure "entitled" is the best description. You must be exhausted, worried and desperately trying to figure out how to piece together emergency childcare without losing your job.

I've been there. When my DC were younger their grandparents used to constantly bemoan how little time they got with them but then also declined to help with childcare when I desperately needed it. It's frustrating and confusing.

I think your ILs are already doing a fair bit of childcare which is good of them - and to me you don't sound ungrateful. I get why it's frustrating to see people who ask to spend more time with their grandchildren suddenly backing off from that when you are desperately trying to piece together enough childcare in an emergency.

Your frustrations are understandable but ultimately your ILs aren't doing anything wrong. Hope you find a solution.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5084368-to-think-its-impossible-to-be-a-working-grandparent-parent-wife-daughter-and-have-a-second-to-myself

I think your MIL might have started her own thread.

Thank you for being so kind xx

Our nursery used to give calpol and ibuprofen with permission. Since Covid they won't give anything- initially it was due to making sure parents didn't mask a temperature with calpol in the earlier days of the pandemic but they've just never gone back to allowing staff to administer it for temps or otherwise. Absolute pain for parents, we've had at least four days in the last year where nursery have asked us to collect our child with a mild temp and no other symptoms, and after one dose of calpol at home they've been fine.

They both do 1 day each.

@64zooooooolane
The op’s in laws already do one day. Read her first post again.
current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

According to the OP her in-laws do have the child one day per week:

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery

So are all relationships transactional?:

grandparents who will I'm sure ask for help when they are older one day, they can help out in this time of need

It would have been generous of the in-laws to offer additional help, but the OP isn't entitled to it by any stretch. It's ok to be disappointed but the bottom line is that the OP and her husband are ultimately responsible and need to work this out.

I think maybe the help they already give you has become a bit taken for granted.

If I follow you you only need 1.5 days' cover a week and your parents are doing a day of this, is that right? So you and DP are asking FIL to take the extra half a day ish rather than you covering it between yourselves? If so no, I think YABU and that small amount you should juggle rather than asking for more on top of what they already do.

I think you're stressed and tired and they probably actually do have a thing they want to do on Fridays. It'll prob only be for a week or two until she stops needing the meds anyway.

Next time FIL says he wants the kids more, tell him to come over to your place. Obviously if MIL is WFH, having a kid (and a big kid) under her feet is distracting.

We could not afford childcare to look after any kids whilst we work full time so had to make the decision not to have children. Didn’t want to impose on family. You can’t rely on family totally anyway even if they are up for it, in case they get sick/injured or die.

Op you are 100 per cent right to feel this way if you can't ask the inlaws who can you ask. This is a one off situation and you need help!! You're not sat at home with your feet up, you're trying to work. What is wrong with the ppl on this thread, they have the nerve to tell you you're being entitled when they can't even read and understand your post. You're not entitled one bit. You're just asking for some help. when the inlaws are older and if they need help from you.. you know what to do!! I was in a similar situation but it was my mum who broke her arm and couldn't look after my little one. We asked mil who agreed. She did one day and then said she couldn't do it anymore. But that's how these inlaws roll. Really hope your little one gets better soon.