In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

OP, if you're posting threads on behalf of friends, why not post "my friend needs advice on XYZ" instead of "I need advice on XYZ"?

Funny how all her friends are married with a daughter the same age as OPs🤔

Uh huh

This is the thing with the internet, things are not always as they seem Not all these posts are mine; some are posted on behalf of friends. For one example my DH is obviously not in prison for 10yrs

Out of the OP’s own mouth… Boring Half Term break, OP?

I'm a fulltime carer for my husband at the moment but I've been a grandmother for 19 years and only retired this year. With the first GC I worked condensed hours so I could have them one day a week plus I often did weekends. Currently doing 2 days as well as caring for DH. I'm very lucky to have 8 of them and I enjoy having them, one of the teenagers is currently living with me fulltime.

I'm not a grandparent but I understand where you - and they - are coming from.

You have both of your parents providing a full day of care for your daughter. It doesn't matter which of the couple does it, each couple can't do anything else for that day.

You need a bit of help with an extra day for six weeks for your daughter which is emergency. That's quite a lengthy stint.

What if you offered payment for your PIL to cover that six weeks? Nevermind what they say about wanting to spend more time with your daughter, they don't want that. They might suck it up for the six weeks though. Ask them - or get your husband to ask them, they are his parents.

If he tells them that covering that six weeks (so six extra days) wouldn't be affordable for you as a couple, they might think about it and agree?

If they needed help because without that help they wouldn't have enough money to pay mortgage and bills would you be prepared to have your GC one day a week when you aren't at work? Not long term just a week or two.

I haven't RTFT but:

1. grandparents want to see their grandchildren to enjoy them. Not to be unpaid childcare. It's not fun spending time with a child who's uncomfortable or in pain or in a cast. That's work (the parents' work, that is)
2. a broken limb/joint is 100% foreseeable when you have children. Illness, sickness, injury - all of these things and many many more things are entirely foreseeable when you're doing all the calculations around whether you can afford to have another child.

You have some unusual ideas. It's really not reasonable to expect other people to take annual leave for THEIR jobs to look after YOUR children, whatever your circumstances are. Further, the more you give off a vibe of expecting this, the less likely you are to receive it.

This.

It is a very entitled attitude. My sister was the same - my parents and her PILs actually used to share 30 hours of childcare between them when she had two babies/toddlers with a 17-month gap!

I suggested once that she had been very lucky to have had such an arrangement (my parents' health six years later and my PILs working full-time meant we had no such childcare, not that I expected it!) and she was just like "Well, how else would we have been able to work!" 🤯 I don't know, maybe reduce your hours, pay for nursery, compress your hours, like I and plenty of other people have to do!!

And also, think about it before you have two under two!

She probably won't need Calpol the entire time she is in the cast though?

But you've managed to save so much money from not having to pay for an extra two days nursery a week.

What would you do if, god forbid, something happened that meant you didn't have one or two days free childcare a week?

So she's already been off for over three weeks? And she has to wear the cast for six more? Nine weeks in total?? 🤔

I wore a cast for ten weeks.

As a child? Children's bones heal much quicker than adults.

As PP have pointed out, there seems to be lots of inconsistencies within this thread and the OP's previous posts...

I think I understand - Nan has a,ready dropped a day a week and lost income and OP comes across - well, let's just say OP does not come across that well and Nan is fed up,with entitled & self centred attitude

That expresses it better than I was trying to do!

so please, If someone could tell me how to “sort this out between me and my husband” that would be fab x

You've already explained how you sort it earlier in your post - you take unpaid leave and muddle though on the finances

I thought it was OPs mother who gave up a day at work, MIL works from home while FIL looks after the child.

Exactly what is OP doing for them? 🤔

Yes - you're right - getting muddled with the profusion of childcare relatives ...

Ha ha ha - that is exactly what I was thinking!

As they say about Karen Brady on 'The Apprentice: You're Fired' - harsh but fair, harsh but fair

Looking back now, I actually think the OP might be genuine, but has changed/left out details to paint herself in a better light/gain attention or sympathy.

Ie - the complaining about not having any childcare despite the grandparents not working. This was for a dentist visit and she said the grandparents didn't offer to help. However as you have pointed out, she says the grandparents do not work and also does not mention the fact that she gets childcare during her working days.

The prison one - I actually do think she posted on behalf of a friend - the first posts were very ambiguous, but then she turned it around towards the end, claiming it was her situation.

@Namechange864636

Looking back now, I actually think the OP might be genuine, but has changed/left out details to paint herself in a better light/gain attention or sympathy.

Which is called lying! The situation is not as described here, it says she gets no help ever. Which according to this is not the case. Which one is true, if ever, who knows?

This doesn't even make sense on this post, she works three days

1. DP has child

2.DFIL has child

1. Parents are having child (it would seem that they do the day together, just have different days off and issue sorted!

It was only 3.5 days needed, as per original post.

I've just seen this post properly. I can't believe the tenor or content of it.

YOU work out how! They're your kids, this is your family! You haven't done anyone any favours by having these children: they're YOUR joy, YOUR responsibility. Nobody owes you a solution to your problems, especially when they're of your own making.

If you're old enough to have a family, you need to wise up enough to take on the consequences of that. Figure it out. Take unpaid leave. Cut your hours. Change your jobs. Move to a more affordable place. People all around the world do this and much, much more to cut their cloth according to their means. You already got tonnes of free childcare, what more can you reasonably ask for?

What you're really saying is that you don't want to have to change. You want other people to take responsibility for your choices, so that you don't have to. And you feel entitled to that. Not get into debt, not take a salary cut, not look ahead. Easier to just blame others.

Yet another thread, with yet another adult, not taking responsibility for their choices.