In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

This is quite odd @WhatsMyUsername89

In your previous posts you said that your parents wanted nothing to do with your baby and you were thinking of cutting contact BUT your DH's parents were wonderful with her.

Not sure what support you want from your threads if the story isn't consistent.

@SwingingPonytail
The op has come back to say that those posts were on behalf of friends....

Yeah, of course.

YANBU!!!

My GPs on my dads side would have done the same, but Gran on mums side would have jumped at the chance for an extra day.

Some people are so hung up on GPs not helping and therefore you’re entitled. But yes this is a situation from the norm and as a decent human being I think your in laws are dicks.

I would literally have my friends children for the day, no issue. Christ that’s how I got through child hood, friends parents and then they alternate with my parents having their kids! I don’t understand your in laws (and many people on here!) attitude to this. No it’s not what your MIL planned for her leave, but shit happens!

Ok but every other thread you've started contradicts what you've stated here so every other thread is for a friend?

Sorry OP but something is off here.

Sorry; nursery will administer Calpol, but once any child has had Calpol they have to go home. So it doesn’t matter if we were to come in, they’d still need him to go home because of the policy.

Once you've muddled through this period I would look for childcare which accepts a child prescribed Calpol.

I think YANBU, it sounds like it could only be for a week or two while she still needs calpol. Your FIL would rather you go into debt than help out a little. I guess it just shows that you're right not to give them any more days!

Tbh, I'd reduce nursery to 2 half days and send her but give her a dose of ibuprofen beforehand rather than paracetamol (if OK with her doctors) and don't say anything to nursery. I get the "no calpol" in most situations - our nursery has the same which I fully support. It's basically so parents don't dose up their sick kids and then send them in, spreading illnesses - if a child isn't happy unless they have calpol then they should be at home. However, this is an entirely different situation - doctor prescribed calpol for a very specific, non-infectious issue.

If you give ibuprofen to DD before nursery rather than calpol, it means if anything happens (eg DD comes down with a temp) and the nursery needs to give calpol (paracetamol) then they can without it interacting.

Exactly. The child is only a toddler there is going to be years of unexpected things that pop up but that’s just part of being a parent, you suck it up and take unpaid leave if you need to. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility. The entitlement is shocking.

She can only administer stuff prescribed by either their GP or the school GP, thankfully our school GP is very responsive, but its still a right pain, I'll admit to breaking the rules, phoning a parent and getting their OK to give them a paracetamol out of my desk drawer!

Agree with this.
It's a one off, not a regular occurrence.
In-laws may need help one day.

OP, you are not being entitled, in my opinion. Hope DD recovers soon.

We are the PILs here. We do one full day a week for our two gc's. This has risen to another half day and we also help out in emergencies. Its hard because although we are early sixties, we also brought up our two grandsons from being babies so it is a never ending cycle.

I feel I owe it to my dd2 though because when the boys were placed with us, she was such a kind, thoughtful and helpful girl who never showed any resentment or jealousy and took pleasure in them being in her life. I feel it is the least I can do. That said, it is very tying for us and we arrange hospital appointments etc around this.

Honestly op, you really must keep your nursery place although their rules sound annoying. People get sick, go on holiday, change their minds and this has shown you that you cannot rely upon this. I do think you come over a bit entitled as it is really hard work . Sometimes the thought of providing the care is harder than the reality. Another point is that it is certainly not short term if it is another six weeks.

My MIL did one day a week for me and she was a nightmare. I also had a nursery place booked which we eventually expanded upon. The staff actually told me that they did not want her to collect dd1 because she was so nasty to them which says it all.

Usually if posters 'ask for a friend' they say they are at the time. (Although everyone knows that's sometimes a smokescreen...)

Why would you have all these friends who need help and you feel the need to post here for them?

Sorry but something doesn't add up...

How did your DD break her ankle?

In-laws may need help one day.

Yes. So surely providing childcare one day a week already (which is what they do) should be taken into account???

@WhatsMyUsername89

You should thank your lucky stars you are having the help and support you allready having

I wish i had that kind of support

Your family and his
Sounds million miles 🤔 better than mine in that's regards for sure definitely,

I am a bit envious to be honest

Wishing your daughter a speedy recovery from her accident too

Our last option was to ask my father in law, whom doesn’t work… if he could help, not even for the full 1.5 days… any help. But he doesn’t want too.

But in the same thread here, you've said your FIL wants to have your child MORE.

Father in law doesn’t work & always makes comments that he wishes he has DD more instead of my parents having her.

There are huge inconsistencies in what you're saying.

I would certainly try and help out for one extra day as a one off. It's not entitled to ask when they already do help one day a week. My inlaws would have helped if they could with something like this, but sometimes they would be busy. It wasn't wrong to ask but also it's not wrong for them to say no if they already have plans.

We give them lifts from the airport, and look after their dog and all just help one another out.

Yes, in this situation you're behaving in an entitled way.

These threads always go badly but yes, it would be nice if them if they would help you out and be there a bit more for their grandchild while you are struggling. I think on these threads it’s always very black and white and people start to lose sight of what the kind thing to do would be, in favour of the fact that the in-laws aren’t obligated to help.

It's hard to know what to believe here as there are so many contradictory points.

However, the biggest issue surely is that you are so close to the breadline that there is no wriggle room.

You're only working 3.5 days a week (as far as we can see from your posts)
1 day using one GParent (assume DP is your Dear Parents not Dear Partner)?
1 day using another GParent
1.5 days at nursery = 3.5 days

You doing childcare 1.5 days (unless that's your DP?)

Would it not make more financial sense for you to work more days that would pay towards another day at nursery (which must be around £90 a day) and then you'd have more income?

I cannot see why they should.
They have their own life, presumably after years
of "helping and serving".
I wouldn't either.
From a happily child free woman.

I'd normally go for YABU on threads where the OP is "expecting" GPs to help out with childcare, but this is different - I don't think either side is BU. It's a temporary situation and the OP and her DH couldn't possibly have foreseen it. They're not taking the piss; they're just asking for a short-term favour and a bit of kindness! Although the GPs are not BU to say no, the OP is not BU to feel disappointed.

Of COURSE YABU. Your child, your responsibility. I don't think people realise how lucky they are when their parents/in-laws DO help out. It's not a right. You are not entitled to free childcare. You decided to have a baby.

The thing is, OP is asking her inlaws to give up the long weekend break that they'd planned, with MIL losing that day's leave to looking after a child that actually could be in nursery but for this stupid rule. I'm a GM who will drop pretty much anything to help my DD with the DGCs. But she wouldn't dream of asking me if I had plans to be away.

Nurofen instead of calpol? 😬🤣

She is very unlikely to need calpol for the full 6 weeks, my DS broke his leg at 3 years old and needed pain relief for a week at most and was walking on it again by then, and within 2 weeks he was running around like the cast wasn’t even there.