In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

While I agree with the general sentiment, I think many grandparents take on this role without realising how exhausting and limiting it is as they get older. The MIL is still working and has annual leave, so they deserve the time off. We do not know if the MIL is able to take annual leave at another time.

They do want to help. That's why they have their DGD for a day a week.

However, MIL has annual leave and they planned to go away. They are perfectly entitled to do so. This is not a dire emergency. It's the nursery who is to blame here, but the PILs are getting the anger.

I'm curious, OP. You say you didn't ask your own parents to childmind one day a week but they volunteered and cut their working week.

What would you have done if they hadn't? If accommodating your child for a few weeks by taking unpaid leave is so unaffordable?

Remember this when they are old and need care. Family members aren't the responsibility of other family members. According to Mumsnet, anyway.

Sorry but i have to be honest its hard work being a parent but she is you child your responsibility no one elses.

YANBU

A 2 year old with a broken ankle needs some stability and if it was me in IL position is be helping out because it’s only temporary and it’s family!

Saying yes then booking something was unkind of them. My in laws are similar . Said no all the time never wanted to even see dc. Then when FIL had a stroke MIL wanted us to look after their puppy for a few weeks (no other family) we said no and she had to rehome it . I think she realised then.

I think many grandparents take on this role without realising how exhausting and limiting it is as they get older.

Yes. I absolutely understand how grandparents offer with great enthusiasm before they actually experience the reality.
I love having my little DGD but as a relatively fit and healthy DGM, I'm shocked at how tiring I find it. There's no way I would want to have to have it as a regular commitment or for more than a couple of days at a time. And when I start having her toddler sister as well, I can only imagine how knackered I'll be.

This is echoed by all my friends and acquaintances, even the ones who are retired couples so can share the load.
I very much doubt that the offer wasn't genuine. They just won't have realised that looking after someone else's children in their 60s and 70s is nothing like looking after their DGC's parent was for them back when they were 30.

Exactly.

I agree with the sentiment here. I am really curious as to why Mumsnet is always so down on the idea of grandparents helping with their grandchildren - or offering any kind of help, financial or otherwise, to their adult children. Considering that the Baby Boomer generation are significantly more well off, as a generation, than those that have come afterwards, it always comes across as a bit 'I'm alright Jack' and tone deaf.

I had no help from my parents (who are well off Baby Boomers) but there's no WAY I'd do the same to my own kids. I'm looking forward to being a very hands-on grandma one day.

In this case, though, as the parents and inlaws are already helping loads, I do think the OP is being a bit disingenous with the title of the thread and it does feel a bit like a deliberate attempt to poke the Mumsnet bear.

Families work in different ways, I certain feel a responsibility to my GC and my adult children all feel a responsibility to their nieces and nephews. Personally I don't find having children around is very tiring, if anything it keeps me young. Other people can feel differently but a blanket statement like yours does not apply to all of us.

If she remembers this when they're old, she'll doubtless offer the two sets of parents the full day each per week that they're giving her at the moment.

100% agree

Hopefully, they won't need any assistance with washing, cooking or cleaning except one day a week then. Had a fall and need someone to go round, call an ambulance, visit in hospital every day and feed the cat? Sorry, she's done her day for this week, you'll need to call someone else.

But nothing additional in an emergency. Is that right?

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Why can't they take a different day each? Why can't they then cover two days in which case you"ve got plenty of cover?

Why does it need two of them? Yet you're unhappy that DFIL won't solo do it for two days a week?

Are the GP landed gentry? How come a man has never worked in his life?

You are now sounding entitled. They are now choosing not to do extra childminding. So is choice ok so long as they choose what you want.

@MrsSunshine2b and @Iwasafool we all know that she will not spend 20 hours a week every week 'paying back' the time they've given her. But I would hope that she'll respond when needed,
remembering that they each gave up ten hours of their time weekly. And of course if she's booked leave and a holiday, she will be entitled to it in a similar 'not an emergency' (which is the case here).

There are worser comments on here.

I remember forcing them into little snow suits and dragging them to a childminders at some hideous hour, accompanied by screams of " I don't want to go to X house"
Then one viral infection too many and I had to quit my job.

This isn't an emergency. If one of the parents was rushed into hospital, that would be an emergency. The nursery refusing to give Calpol, isn't.

There is nothing stopping OP giving DD a dose of Calpol just before she goes through the nursery door and seeing how she goes through the day.

Seriously bitter and nasty replies on here -glad not to be related to some of you! Back in the real world, families pull together to help eachother, particularly when there’s been an accident. OP’s kid broke her ankle. Short term support is needed. That’s all and it’s completely reasonable.

Maybe your child breaking bones isn't an emergency situation, it is to some of us. Taking unpaid leave so you can't pay the mortgage or feed the kids is also an emergency.

So many people on here don't realise how tight things are financially for many families.

And?

Many many people do more than 20 hrs a week. Have you got a crystal ball? Why would you hope she'll respond when needed if that is expected of the ILs.

They booked whatever it is after they were asked for support.