In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

They hadn't already booked.
In op it says they agreed and then changed 2 hours later

🙄

MIL had booked annual leave in order to go away. Changing their mind wasn't ideal, but maybe OP caught them on the hop, or only spoke to one of them.

Can your daughter go in for 6 hours after a calpol dose then pick up and give the next dose? Should cover the half day, May cover most the full day?

Honestly I'd change nurseries. This is a ludicrous policy that will cost you a fortune over the years.

I thought it was annoying that my nursery require me to give permission in writing every day they want to give him calpol, but they'll happily give it to him, every four hours if he needs it, and they only require them to come home if they're upset and Calpol doesn't help.

He has only needed one dose while there, once, but some of his friends have needed a fair amount. If they got sent home every time they had it, they'd have been off work forever.

Give her Calpol in the morning. Take her home for lunch and give the next dose, then back to nursery. Give the next dose at pick up.

She'll have had what she needs and nursery haven't given Calpol. You don't need to tell them you have as they won't be giving her any.

Means you only need to take an hour or so unpaid leave instead of a whole day.

So your thread back in February about taking a 'village' to raise a child was all on behalf of a 'friend'?? The 12 page thread where none of the grandparents did anything despite none of them working?

And the one about her DH being in prison, that's a friend also.

Oh, that was going to be my suggestion. But can you get 4 hours by giving Calpol at home and dropping him off - so you or DH could do a half day work before having to get him?

That really depends what their passions are, if it’s knitting, sure, if it’s travelling, not so much. And let’s not talk about people because it’s mostly not men being asked to give up golf at the weekends in order to provide regular childcare for their grandkids, is it?

Perhaps because his wife has been the one working? Wives on here stay at home without working. They're not being laughed at the way OP has laughed at her FIL while at same time thinking he should happily look after her child.

Do you work full time? Or close to full time? I know a lot of grandparents who are working full time or close to it!

So even though both sets are providing regular weekly childcare for OP, it’s not enough for them to expect anything in return from OP and her partner?! Jesus Christ, the absolute entitlement from some people…

What a mad policy about the Calpol. She's not ill, she's got an injury!

Beyond entitled. I have 3 under 5 and get zero help from parents or inlaws. Your parents /inlaws have done their time raising kids. You are not entitled to their time. Check yourself.

Families should surely help each other in emergencies surely. The fact that the inlaws babysit their grandchild once a week is not really relevant when there is a very short term medical emergency that also has to be dealt with and the man doesn’t work so is free to help for a couple of days.

Can your companies support you and DP any more? My DP's company offers an allowance like sick leave but for when a family member is sick, and it's paid. I think it's quite unusual here, though mandated in my home country for employees. Or just WFH if one of you can, maybe flexing hours a bit to better keep an eye on DD?
Or can you challenge the nursery re the Calpol, especially if you're still paying for days you can't use? If they're refunding you, can you use that budget to book a childminder?
Re your in laws, sorry but you do sound entitled.

It's very generous of them to provide (free, I'm guessing?) childcare one day every week! I can't believe you're complaining that they aren't doing more.

Good grief. If I did that much childcare for my grandchildren, and my DIL started whinging that I wasn't doing enough, I'd probably down tools completely. Relatives, especially grandpaprents, will do what they feel able to do. My contribution (I do still work) is to help out in emergencies, and have my GDs to stay occasionally to give their parents a break. My DS and DIL are very appreciative of that, and I'm happy to do it.

I wonder if the issue is that you've decided that work trumps everything and therefore your PIL's time is less valuable than your own parents' time so you expect your PIL to make themselves more available than your own parents because nothing is as important as work.

"My parents can't help out more because they work, but PIL could help out more because their plans just aren't as important."

I can imagine your PIL's being reluctant to help out more if that is your attitude to their time.

I wish there was something like that for disabled children, our youngest was sent across the country for major surgery at 2 weeks old, didn't come home for 6 months and we ended up in debt due to that had to leave work and be a SAHM/Carer eventually due to the medical issues and appointments.

OP says "This is the thing with the internet, things are not always as they seem"

OK.

Haha - my own mother has looked after my child about three times for an hour each in his whole life. He is now 8 and I don’t blame her for that!

Would FIL drive to nursery and give her the Calpol ... She might not need it for the full six weeks as the break heals, so that would only be maybe one or two times. It would take maybe an hour out of his busy day once or twice and not require much extra input from him.

Plus nursery would see that she can cope. She'd be more distracted than at home and thinking about it less. In my experience after ops ect... its always a real annoyance in first few days or first week, but then the healing gets progressively better each day.

I agree with @JurassicFantastic They are really giving out mixed messages here. And medical emergencies are always difficult if you are both trying to hold down a job too. Times are tight.

I don't think you are being entitled asking them if they've said they want more time and its for a specific temporary time. Anyone would do the same, ask around to see who could help out with a temporary situation.
But at the same time, they've made it really clear they are not willing to do it. So in a way that's that and you may as well move on and find another solution.

You have your GP's letter and presumably a picture of DDs cast. Maybe your employers would be more flexible, does your contract allow parental sick leave? Or could you take it in turns to visit Nursery to administer and go back to work. They might be amenable to that.

Maybe time for a name change OP