To think if one parent can't look after the DC, it's the other parents responsibility to do so?

[looop114]

And not their partners?

If two parents are separated and one of them becomes unwell (not just a cold but actually very poorly and unable to look after the DC kind of unwell), it should be automatically the other parents responsibility to look after the children and not the unwell parents partner or spouse?

They can if they want to obviously but the initial assumption should be that the other parent will parent their children even though its not "their time" when the other is not able to? Providing both are involved parents.

Aibu to think this is the case and that it's quite entitled to make assumptions that your co parents partner/spouse will look after your DC when the other parent is unwell intstead of you?

It’s not a problem for the ex to solve. You’re shifting the blame here. DH needs to make arrangements for his children. It is more likely to be DH expecting OP to take care of them.

Doesn't sound like the poorchap could breathe let alone start ringing round making child care arrangements and he's now in hospital so clearly very unwell. His ex seems to want to just dump her children on his new partner whatcsort of mother does that?

The OP can help out or refuse to help out, as they see fit, but it is their partner that is responsible for sorting out something.

You don’t know what Mum’s got on. It’s Dad’s job to make arrangements.

You don’t know any such thing about what the Mum said! Mum and Dad need to talk and make plans for the kids. OP is only as involved as her DH asks her to be.

If the situation was reversed would it be the mum's responsibility to sort something whilst in hospital? Of course not, most of you would be asking why can't the father have them?

She didn’t say it was.

I mean if it was just a cold or tummy bug then I’d expect the parents new partner to help out but OPs husband is in hospital really unwell. So of course the mum should be taking responsibility for her own children in this situation. Bonkers that she would expect this to be the dads problem when he’s in hospital and so unwell.

I just don't understand the people saying it's not fair for the parent who is supposed to be childfree to have to look after their own kids when something suddenly come up?!

Wtf happened to putting your kids first and just having to miss out on things because of unforeseen circumstances?? Isn't that what being a parent is? Sacrificing things you want for the things they need, when they need it??

Cant believe this woman is whining and bothering OP to take care of her own children for her because she just doesn't want to. I'd laugh but I feel too bad for those children.

She's not a family unit with DH but they both remain parents to their children. And surely part of parenting is taking responsibility for your kids if the other parent cannot in extreme circumstances.

Surely part of marrying someone with children is recognising that sometimes you might need to care for your partners children when he is unable to? You’re supporting your husband with his responsibilities, not helping the ex with hers.

That said, in a similar situation I ended up caring for my ex’s new child and step children as well as keeping my own because that’s just what needed to happen and I was able to at the time.

What arrangements though if he has no family in the area to support? Genuinely asking what other options he has in this situation?

I think it depends on the circumstances. In your situation YANBU, trying to juggle your children and also visiting etc she should be having the children.

If for example your partner was working an extra shift at work then I think totally reasonable for you to still have the child.

You don’t know what Mum’s got on. It’s Dad’s job to make arrangements.

🤣 what shes got on is her duty to her children.
Their father is in hospital and unable to make arrangements, it is completely her job to arrange care for her own children.
.

It doesn't matter what plans the mum has, if they were still together, no matter how much the dad had promised to have the kids that weekend or whatever, he's in hospital so she she has to cancel her plans and look after their kids. Same as he would have to if the situations were reversed.
It's not the new partners place to have sole care of his kids while he's in hospital, it's not like she's just keeping an eye on them while he's upstairs with a migraine, he's literally not there.

to be honest, I think regardless of the rights and wrongs of it, she’s a shitty parent if she’s refusing to take them on a point of principle.

It’s not still clear cut. Maintenance payments are often linked to custody so if there’s 50/50 care that is reflected in the finances. Mums work schedule may be set up around when her children are with their father. Step parent has clearly been in their life for some time as there are half siblings but is making it clear she doesn’t think of them as “hers”. Then there’s the kids routine to consider. I’m sure it would be better for them to keep that in place.

Normally I would say when it’s his time then he has to sort childcare but this is not a normal scenario, OP’s DH is in hospital he doesn’t just have a cold or a dodgy stomach, I would say in this instance it would be better for all involved if the DC stay with their own mother, they will be worried and confused and are best cared for by someone who loves them and not a step mother who doesn’t want them there.

It's their own mother who doesn't want them there!

It’s for him to come up with something. We don’t know why mum can’t have them. So much hate for the mum and we know precisely nothing about her circumstances.

My husband and I only have the one child no other children but if we did to me being part of a blended family means everyone helps out, if I was going to take the line 'it's not my child' I would not be with my husband

Blended families to me a not a competition on who helps or not

Are you both missing the fact he's seriously ill in hospital??

FFS their mother and his current partner should be able to sort this out between them!!

@looop114

I think it's too 'each family is different' material to state an overall 'this is who should step up'. Lots of things to consider.

i hope he's better soon

We're going round in circles here. He has no one else to help. The op rightly assumed that the kids mother would look after her own children. What was he meant to do? Put a local fb post on asking if there were any babysitters in the area? It's not something you can just expect friends to take on. Not when they have another parent with PR! What would happen if they were still married?

As PP’s have said, if it’s a normal scenario like an extra shift at work or he’s got a cold then he should definitely be sorting out childcare.

But this is an emergency situation, Last week he probably assumed that he’d recover by now, but instead he’s deteriorated and ended up in hospital.

If they were my children, I’d have them back home with me, not left with his partner. Unless I literally couldn’t manage due to work or travel.

I'm baffled that anyone genuinely believes that the mother shouldn't look after her own children.

Their dad is ill in hospital and unable to look after them.

Awful mother. Poor kids.

We know she’s a mum who doesn’t want her DC when their DF is seriously unwell in hospital.

I see you’ve edited away your made-up comment that it must be the DH demanding this, when OP clearly states it’s the ex mithering her and assuming OP would have her DC.

So much defending of someone you don’t know about because you’re projecting being an ex.