To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

[letsgoglamping]

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

Erm because she’s not a rude nasty bitch and doesn’t want to upset a small child? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Agreed. I cannot get upset at a small child wanting to spend time with me or my child. It’s not like you’re having to buy them their lunch or dress them etc. All children welcome with us to play, always. I honestly do not get how cold & insular people are on this thread.

I'd just have said at lunchtime 'right, we are going to have our lunch now, it's been so lovely posting with you, bye bye!'. If she didn't take that direction then I would have asked her where her parents were and said to them that whilst she had been lovely company you and your kids need some alone time now so could they please supervise her.

I've had this a few times, some kids just love babies but most of them are the ones with totally disengaged parents ignoring them. Sad.

Wow just realised that the majority of ''mums" clearly don't like kids from these responses.

What happened to being kind, it's a 5 year old who's enjoying being with this family.

It's a one time thing and although annoying, people telling OP to say go away now is crazy, to a 5 year old who wants to play. The parent of the other child is the problem, however, there's no knowing what sort of life this child has.

Next time try saying that you are going to be eating so you'll see her after.

If I saw another parent telling a kid to get away at a soft play I would be disgusted. She wasn't battering them she was trying to play.

The majority of mum's like their children enough to not send them off to be entertained by another family.

I understand. It felt awkward becaude the other child had a right to be there too so you felt it a bit more difficult to essentially tell her to go away. I would have asked where her parents were at lunchtime and told her to go to them or actively taken her to a staff memeber at that point. They would then have made an announcement.

I like it when my kids make friends at the softplay as the older 2 can play unsupervised now (still have to keep an eye out for them though) but I have to go around with my toddler. I will speak to other kids if they talk to me but my priority is my toddler.

Sorry what? How on earth is allowing a child who wants to stay and play with your child sending that message?? By sending the child away it’s more like your sending the message “don’t be social, be rude and insular, tell people to fuck off, you don’t need friends”

It's not harsh to tell a child "Jessica would like some space, please go and play somewhere else"

Children don't pick up on subtext and social cues because they are children. It's not harsh to say that. It would be harsh to say something like "Go away, you are annoying us". Making a neutral, factual statement centring your own child while keeping the meaning clear of what you want them to do is a totally appropriate thing to do.

But honestly, if DD2 was unbothered/happy with the interaction, then I would have left them to it! 3y 9m is not a baby, it's barely even a toddler. At that age they will make it very clear if they want the other child to leave them alone and at that point that's when you intervene and make the message clear to the other child if they are not getting it from yours. IME they really like playing with other slightly older kids at that age and they don't seem to mind if the older child is a bit overbearing.

Omg no don’t say that to a 5yo 😭😭😭

This post is entirely what is wrong with today's society, weakness.

Most normal people would manage the situation instead you've decided to write on here instead of dealing with it.

She is a child, a simple "no more now, please go and play elsewhere" would have done the trick.

Children pick up on adult cues far better than you might think. I have been in this position many times with my own children and as a childminder for many many years, visiting softplay centres often.
Just say 'Leave her alone please' and gently guide her away. She's not your responsibility, her parents/carers should be looking after her.

No, it’s really not a societal weakness to be hesitant to offend a five year old child fhs… . Well I sincerely hope it’s not!

I used to have this issue occasionally.

But as a primary school teacher, with a lot of experience, I have no issue in telling a child to bog off if they're being a pest.
Usually some variant of "Leave the baby alone now. Go back to your grown up."
Then if they persist, "I've told you already. Stop it."

I've never had to go further than that. Usually a firm tone and an icy glare does the trick!

I actually remember being offended by that kind of thing as a child, it’s just you haven’t developed the ways to signal it back.

I can understand why oP found it hard to be that blunt.

When this to happened to me over fifteen years ago now (I had 3 children under the age of 3 but they are all teenagers and adults now), I used to use the said interfering child to do things while I took my children away ie clean the buggy with wipes, clean toys of the DC with wipes etc etc That soon got the mother of interfering child to collect her child. I even had a mother tell me that her child was not my slave and i simply told her that I thought her child was clearly having more fun with us than with her.

There’s no issues at all with telling her to put the baby down. What I couldn’t really do was tell her to go away. She was in a play area someone had paid for her to use - like we were!

Bertie I think you’ve misunderstood. I have a three year old and an eight month old, not one child who is 3 years 8 months.

I think you were very kind and tolerant. Unfortunately some parents are convinced that their little darlings are so cute that everyone wants to spend time with them. I used to have a friend who could never get child care and a couple of times brought her 3/4 year old son to a lunch where we would be all adults (we all had toddlers at that time so every few months we would try and have a child-free boozy lunch in ‘gastro’ type pub on a Sunday afternoon as a treat) she would then let him wander off and basically sit with other families that may be there and then stay in her seat proclaiming how social and funny he was when he was literally wandering round tables being a nuisance. We never minded her bringing him along but I always used to find this mortifying and suggested she should bring him back to sit down in case they just wanted to enjoy their food - she was absolutely oblivious that they might not be enjoying his company, she thought he was the most engaging child in the world. Soft play is a bit different as you say, it’s all a public area but parents expecting other parents to watch their child is not on,. I’d have probably asked her to show me who she was with when your lunch arrived and take her back and explain you weren’t comfortable with her sitting with you whilst you ate as you don’t know if she has any allergies.

Where were her parents

She joined you for lunch??!! 🤣

I would have said “ it’s time to go back to your parents now sweetheart”. If a child is being really naughty rather than just hanging about I have said “you need to go back to your parents right now” and given them a good hard stare. I really hate doing it, it must hurt their feelings regardless and tbh if they are following me around it’s because whoever is with them cba.

I don’t like being mean to small children either. Some kids just are just chatty but a lot just need some attention. When Dd was a toddler I lived somewhere where a lot of kids were looked after by nannies so everytime I went to softplay or the park I would often be one of the few parents and kids would regularly attach themselves. If they were being pleasant I would stop for a chat etc they are just kids. But they often had no interest in DD, they wanted an adult to talk to and a few times they would compete for attention with DD and it was quite frustrating.

You can be kind but firm.

You are not being U op. You did fine imo. Not much else to do. I see this sort of thing all the time at play parks/soft plays and the only thing to do is feel sorry for the children involved as they are desperate for any fragments of adult attention for a reason; they aren’t getting it from their own parents. If it was a one off they would either entertain themselves or play with other kids but usually this is their whole life. I especially see lots of younger kids being ‘parented’ by their not much older siblings. The sibling is usually so much more concerned for the welfare of the little ones 😢

At the end of the day OP the options are to put up with it, tell her to go away, or tell her parents/ the staff.

There's no point complaining about how you think people "should" be behaving. People do what they do and you choose how you respond to that.

I think it's right to tell her to go back to her parent/s. I don't think it's right to say it in a mean way or in a way that would have a lasting negative impression on her for a long time. I'd tell a 5-year-old to 'go away' how my 5-year-old self would have had to be told. Firmly and with a smile.

@Bringbackthebeaver it happened on Tuesday, it’s now Friday. I’m really not ruminating on it half as much as some posters on here are! 😅

The thing with ‘go back to your parents’ is it works if you’re somewhere like a restaurant or an activity that’s supposed to have adult supervision. It doesn’t really work in a soft play place which is for children to play, not sit with their mums!