To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

[letsgoglamping]

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

Why didn't you go and talk to her mother or responsible adult?

Just say this is important time for your two children to bond and be involved with each other, but you don't want their child to feel rejected. Maybe mum could take over and encourage child to play with other children.

This is something grown ups should resolve.

And if you can't find the parent - involve the staff. And tell them the same thing - and that you don't want to take responsibility for this extra child.

She had the right to be in the space to play with the equipment, but that wasn't what she was doing was it? I'd have at least asked her who she came with/where mum was etc. And please leave dd alone so she can climb/crawl/whatever isn't rude. I certainly wouldn't have let some randomer join for a meal!

My own kids are annoying enough, let alone someone else’s.
In all seriousness, kids don’t get hints so the blunt but polite approach is required. Her parents should have noticed her latching on to another family, but they were either oblivious or ignorant so unfortunately you should have put your big girl pants on and told her to go back to her parents and been very firm about it.

I would do this without any hesitation. You didn't, hence your afternoon was ruined, because you're too soft. The parent must have been watching you with delight and very happy to have found a doormat who's going to take care of their child for free.

I have ID twin toddlers and this happens to me a lot because so many young children are fascinated by twins. Honestly drives me bonkers when the parents don’t intervene as I am usually breaking a sweat running after and supervising my own two kids lol.
Nowadays I am polite for about 10 minutes or so but then I’ll ask the kid where their parents are. I tell them to go back to their own parents. And if they don’t then I head over to their parents myself and say something like “sorry, I’m so busy with my own two kids, I don’t think I can handle a third!” And they get the hint.

But yes, parents who don’t even provide a cursory glance in the direction of their kids are one of my biggest peeves.

A girl, I’d guess aged 10ish, once came up to me and my then 7mo and said “your baby is so cute can I pet it?” I was so shocked I said no and walked off 🤣 I’m probably a bit over protective of my daughter so would have no problem telling a child to leave us alone in your situation.

I understand your frustration but I’m glad you were kind to the little girl. I’m wondering why her parents didn’t check on her. I think they used you as child care so they could have some free time.

I’ve been here @letsgoglamping …
A incredibly chatty 5 or 6 year old took to my then baby.. wouldn’t leave us alone and talked (& talked & talked) the whole time we were there!! … if I asked her ‘Do you need to go and see your mum’ or anything else she would just respond ‘no, I’m ok, they’re ok’ or whatever… whatever I said she had an answer for… I’m guessing her parents were pleased of the break, she was sweet and lovely but like your situation it was just too much… I couldn’t play with my own DD because of her constant chatter, every attempt I made to talk to DD she would say ‘oh I used to……. ‘ or ‘I can do that’…. It was mentally exhausting!
There isn’t really much you can do imo without being mean to a child… some kids are persistent and if their parents are oblivious then it’s tough!
Put it down to experience and hope the child isn’t there again next time!!

I’m wondering why at 5 years old where her parents or caregiver was… at that age yes I’d have a coffee if kids where happily playing but I’d also be playing with them at that stage (unless mum was heavily pregnant or had a newborn/feeding baby then can see why) but mum should have been wondering why her kid was sitting to lunch with another family and removed them unless they had been invited to sit with. And picking up babies should be nipped in the bud for risk of her accidentally hurting a baby. Really parent/caregiver should have stepped in long before lunch.
you will have to learn this in time (your kids are still very very little so you got plenty of time to get your own way of doing this)

a good and clear one is “my baby needs a nappy change, we will see you later” and walk off (direct and blunt) if child decides to follow say “your mummy would need to take you to the toilet I am not allowed to.” And walk off. say loudish so her parent will hear you. If that doesn’t work, talk to a staff member and say you feel uncomfortable with someone else’s child following you to the toilet and they will deal with.

or

(the one I’d do and have done once, if was causing my kids not to enjoy)

speak to a member of staff. Your child could get hurt if she dropped one of them while you tended to another. Also her parents should be aware of this behaviour. There is a difference between being friendly and being intrusive. She was being intrusive as she was not listening and still trying to lift the baby’s. Remember she is of school age or at least nursery and are used to adults telling them no, they will push the boundaries with people they see they can like you in this situation a stranger who had small kids.

be built and say “no, you do not lift my babies, they are playing just now, thank you” if she continues say where is your parent? And take her to them

More people who can't say no to a 5yo.

Honestly, you people really are going to have to learn how to talk to kids before your children get much older, or it'll be non stop "this kid behaved badly in my house / why does my child not do what I want" posts. Stop blaming other adults for being too weak to be able to tell a small child what you want them to do. Firm and fair, all the way. "Thank you for playing with us, but we will play on our own now, go back to your adult please."

Totally agree with you. The person who said this is unhinged. The level of hatred towards a small child is evil.

it is perfectly ok to tell other people's children to politely do one. you do need to be specific and say that you need to go find your grown up now. they need clear instructions. doesn't sound good that the child was unsupervised for this amount of time. Pick your kid up and walk away. if they follow then a short, sharp, no thank you will suffice. If they still won't leave then tell them their grown up has bought ice creams might work

Oh I've been on both sides of this! 😂 When my youngest was a baby/toddler, anytime I took her to softplay I would inevitably end up with some other kid tagging along, every single time, and I would get so annoyed but just grit my teeth. Until I didn't. Fun police here I am but it has to be done, I'm not supposed to be there parenting someone else's child. I don't want someone else's child in my zone of responsibility. Quite frankly I want them to fluff off 🤷🏼‍♀️ so you tell them, firm but fair, it's time for you to go back to your grown up now.
On the flipside, knowing what it's like, I've had to intervene with my own baby-obsessed 5yo in the past. She fawns over the babies and toddlers and I move her along. I've had the conversations with her and have explained while yes it's very nice of her to help them, or share with them, it's not ok to pick them up or harass them. Stick to your lane, child 😂

Yeah I'd have said/shouted towards the parents "excuse me, I'm just looking for this little girls mum or dad" then asked "could you distract her or something please, she's being really handsy with my baby and I'm struggling to play with my little one while keeping her from picking my baby up." Or when she's sat eating with you "could you come get her, we're just trying to eat our lunch."

But if you can't find the parents yeah you need to say "go play with someone else now please, I'm playing with my children." "We're having our lunch, you need to go play somewhere else now. " they don't understand social cues so yeah you have to be a bit blunt and rude and tell them to stop bothering you.

But then I really have no issue telling other people's kids off if they're impacting my kids, or sometimes if it doesn't include my kids even but I see them be nasty to a younger/smaller kid. I want my son to grow up knowing I've got his back and that we don't let people be mean to us.

I like the suggestion of walking her back to her parents and telling them that she’s interfering with your lunch / your toddler.

It puts the responsibility on them. and not the little child, who should have been supervised!

Really! I find Dad's are super aware but mum's usually find another mum to talk to and tell their kids "the grown up's are talking"
I asked my male single dad friend why he was on such high alert and he said that he gets so many judgemental comments about how mum's are much better at looking after their kids Dad's have to be. Because something that would be classed as a little accident if it was a mum watching the kids gets turned into "he was probably watching football on his phone and not paying attention" is it's a Dad with the child!

If you don't hover over your daughter why do you expect this child's parents to hover over them? And how do you know she wasn't annoying others?
For all you know her parent was also dealing with multiple children; and trying to stop toddlers interacting with her baby!
If you don't want interaction with other kids don't go to soft play during half term - simple.
Stick on waterproofs and go to the park instead where you'll no doubt have it all to yourself!

Where was her responsible person? I sort of get playing (annoying) you, but for her RP to sit and watch their daughter annoy someone having lunch at a table. Seriously what’s wrong with the annoying kids parent?!

You say it was a little soft play. I'm not sure why then you couldn't of gone round all the visible parents in the time you were there and asked if that is their child?
The parents, or whoever was looking after her, should have observed what was going on. For whatever reason they weren't watching her and if it was going on as long as you say, I absolutely would have been going round the parents asking whose kid it is. May even have asked the child to show me where her parent is.
Alternatively I would have asked the staff if someone can help her find her responsible adult.

I love the way people are blaming you op when this is obviously a parenting fail of the little girl’s mum or dad.

This happens all of the time; at the park, the swimming pool, soft play, in restaurants, on trains and planes, and it’s intensely annoying when you are looking after your own child and other cheeky parents take advantage of that and allow their child to tag along.

They also take advantage of decent kind people who find it hard saying “go away” to a small child when it’s obvious the parent of that child doesn’t want them around much either.

Once you have had a pleasant initial five minute interaction, you shouldn’t have to speak to this little girl, or toughen up, or take responsibility for her, or anything anyone else is suggesting; it’s up to this little girl’s parents to observe what’s going on and come and take her away from disturbing your lunch. It’s basic manners.

As for the posters who are disingenuously suggesting that “some parents” like to play with other people’s dc, and “like”
other people’s five year old’s to pick up their baby and toddlers, so “how could they possibly know whether or not to intervene”? Sorry, but this is utter bullshit. In case you are in any possible doubt, let me tell you now that you are wrong and the vast majority really don’t.

I’ve had this happen to me a few times over the years. It’s like they know they aren’t going to get attention from their own family so they seek it elsewhere it’s sad really! I usually entertain it for a while but this sounds way too much 2.5hrs?! You were basically babysitting someone’s child for free!! If it happens again, I think let it be for a few mins but then say to the child “I’d like to spend some time alone with my children now, let’s go and look for your mammy or daddy” and if you can’t find them take the child to a member of staff.

I don’t believe many people would be as direct as they are making out. I think you were unlucky to encounter a child who was quite so needy and lacking in supervision. My guess was she was probably SEN or there was something going on at home. By the complete lack of parenting, I’d guess the latter.

Come and get it now - I’d be pulling you outside for a strong word of that was my child believe me