To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

[letsgoglamping]

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

I would be mortified if my child had spent a whole afternoon pestering another family and I did nothing to intervene. But it's OP who is in the wrong for getting fed up but being too kind to tell the kid to go away.

I love Mumsnet 🙄

It's just such a shame that another child was being so ignored by their own parent/s she needed your attention.

However I'd take it as a complement she chose you.

I'd still tell her to go and sit with mummy/daddy etc for lunch. Or to leave banh alone and go and play.

She's not your responsibility.

I agree that she shouldn't be picking up the baby. But I don't think I ever went to a soft play if I wanted to spend quality time with my children!

Good grief OP, they’re little kids not adults and they need clear instructions at that age. Find your inner Teacher voice!

“Is your mummy with you today? We’re going to have some lunch now so you need to go back to your mummy. Can you show me where your mummy is?” …And take them back to the parent if necessary.

Sadly, some parents are crap and want to sit drinking coffee and chatting and will happily leave all the parenting to other people, so you’ll inevitably come across kids that need a telling.

If you’re hosting a play date or a birthday party, you need to be confident about telling little Alice not to do X or Y and to do as they’re told.

Hinting to adults is usually hit and miss but completely pointless expecting little kids to pick up the clues. 😂

'Right we're having lunch now so you need to go back to your mummy or daddy, who're you with? off you go!'

then next time shes a pain. walkover to mum and say sorry your could is being too clingy, picking my baby up and stopping us playing. please can you intervene.

If she then comes back 'your mum said you need to go and play with a big child, not a baby. i sort my baby out. off you go'

“I do think some posters underestimate just how persistent some children can be!”
No, I’ve definitely come across these kind of kids many times in life. I recall one holiday when my children were little and we were playing a game in the pool where they were swimming under my legs, this kid came along and started doing it too - er, not on! I’ve had your kind of experience at soft play too, being one of the few parents who interacts with their children at these places tends to draw other kids in.
If you’ve already been firm along the lines of “ok nice to meet you, we’re going to play by ourselves now, bye bye” then you have to remove yourselves from where the stranger child is. “Ok we’re going now, bye bye” and move to another area.

I didn't mind other kids playing along at soft play when mine were in the actual play area, so long as they weren't super annoying.

Utter madness not to send them away when you are having food though.

Absolutely and you aren't in the wrong here.
Her parent should have checked in.
I was not a helicopter parent but I Absolutely would have noticed this and would have come over to check she wasn't being a nuisance and would have intervened.

But as that didn't happen you do need to learn to step in, because this will happen again. It's not parenting another child, it's just interacting with them in a way they understand to protect both your family, and them.

My kids were probably too reserved/shy to ever approach someone like this, but similar has happened to us multiple times. Kids coming and sitting with us on the beach, wanting to share rides at a park, playing in a swimming pool, wanting to have a go on a scooter....you can't be responsible for them in those situations because there are risks for them. so you need to develop that direct way of saying no, but thank you.

Why have you posted in AIBU if you don't want opinions and see anyone who disagrees with you as trolling?

I don’t think that’s the case at all. I think that particular poster was being intentionally provocative and personally insulting and it’s perfectly fine to see that as trolling and ignore it. Other posters have perfectly valid points. Let’s not pretend there’s a difference between ‘it would have been better to do this’ and ‘how do you cope with life OP’.

Gosh, seven pages in, first post and sounds remarkably like an earlier poster.

So not only are you troll hunting, you're now sock puppet hunting, rather than just accept some robust differences of opinion?

Call it what you like. It’s peculiar to turn up on a thread seven pages in and be personally critical without some earlier investment shall we say. But to be clear @Cicciabella I don’t mind being told I was unreasonable and in fact agree. I do mind being told that I’m pathetic or can’t cope with life or any of those unpleasant things. It isn’t what the threads about.

Why on earth didnt you just ask her guardian? Very easy.

I have posted here a few times now, sorry if boring.
Following with interest as I was in very similar position to OP over weekend.
I don't naturally shy away from conflict. I am the MD of a company, have a fast paced, difficult job in which I am often dealing with volatile situations.
But I was unsure how to behave at soft play 😂
Didn't know what to do.
Was very awkward.

I think it is awkward because it’s a communal space; it isn’t as simple as ‘go back to your mum now’ because they aren’t playing with their mum. We once (briefly) lived somewhere with very chatty elderly neighbours next door and they were actually lovely people but I just couldn’t sit out in the garden as they’d appear and start talking. You can’t really say ‘get back in your house!’ - they have every right to be in their garden, and ‘nicely’ wording that actually you’d rather be left alone is tricky. Most people get hints like ‘I’d better not keep you!’ A child wouldn’t of course but equally you can’t really say ‘right, out of the coloured balls now!’ because they have every right to be there. It isn’t where they are it’s the constant talking to you and demanding attention which diverts it away from your own children.

I understand that but, without knowing your story.

But, i honestly would feel so much more uncomfortable to say to a small child to leave us alone rather than go to the adult and just say 'Hey, can you grab your little girl, she's very sweet but, we are about to have lunch/play etc etc'.

But, your post isnt about your elderly neighbours!!

Simply put - just go and say to the adult who is with the child.

I’ve encountered a few of those sticky kids over the years and they all seem to have been desperately lacking attention from their own caregivers, so they latch on to normal, kind families instead. It’s very different from extrovert, outgoing dc who chat and are friendly.

I didn’t push them off brutally like most pps are recommending. Although once I had one follow me out of the playground to my car before their adult managed to stir themself.

It’s a posh form of neglect. So there’s no point expecting the screen addicted aupair or disinterested dp to rescue you. I wouldn’t be unkind to a child though.

I commented earlier but I agree it can be awkward dealing with small children who you don’t know not matter how confident you are in other aspects of life and soft play is hell on earth in my opinion.

I do think you’re missing what most posters are saying though. I wouldn’t tell a 5 year old to go away or be mean and you can’t order a child out of a place where they have every right to be but your title was about allowing another child to ruin your afternoon by picking up your baby and making your 3 year old feel ignored.

In that situation you do have to learn to manage other children for the benefit of your own so saying no don’t pick the baby she doesn’t like it and moving away saying bye bye we’re going over here now or telling her it’s time for her to go back to her grown up and taking her if necessary when you have your lunch.