To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

[letsgoglamping]

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

they are desperate for any fragments of adult attention for a reason; they aren’t getting it from their own parents

Not true at all; you're getting a bit confused with little ones. Age 4+, it's totally normal for parents to encourage self sufficiency by sending kids off on to find other kids in a soft play; it's an enclosed safe place to learn independence. Most of them will check in and run back off a lot, but you might just not realise they're doing that if you niss a quick thumbs up or whatever. Our local soft play, parents of bigger kids are often upstairs with kids chatting through the top netting; if you were down in the baby area you might not see the kids interact even though they run by waving at their parent every 2 min. It's all ages and stages stuff; you really don't want one of those 5/6yo in parties who has to hide weeping behind mummy or daddy instead of joining in, because they've never had any practice, you need to find opportunities. Other adults getting involved is fine for a quick chat but more than that isn't helpful, and you should really should be sending them off to play as intended.

I'm the biggest people pleaser but I would have just told her it was time for her to go and been very direct. Leave us alone now, please.

Direct and kind is good. That fails, find parent. I would say there's a possibility this child is neuro diverse, based on my own experience. The parent may be at the end of their tether.

There is absolutely no evidence that this child was neurodiverse fgs! It is perfectly normal for a five year old to be fascinated with babies - they are practically indoctrinated to be that way with their imaginary playing with dolls, houses etc. They also are still in a very sweet narcissistic stage of development where they think the world revolves around them. They also don't get hints or nuance. None of that means they are autistic.

If a situation like this happens again just ask yourself how you would like someone to treat your child when they are being a bit unintentionally intrusive and annoying? There would be nothing unkind in saying "I can see you love babies and you are a great helper. This baby is learning to crawl and play by themselves so it's really very important that you don't touch them." If they do it again, it's ok to say "We need to go and find your grown up now." At lunch it is absolutely ok to say "We're having lunch now so you must go and find your grown up". None of it is the same as saying "GO AWAY".

I actually hated soft play with toddlers for this very reason... It didn't seem fun for any of us. When they got a bit older it was a far more relaxing experience for me.

Exactly this!! Its not difficult....but where were her parents whilst all this was happening!?

Yeah but it lets you know who the mum/carer is, so you can then tell them the child isn't leaving your baby alone so they do something about it.

OP, the children have right to be at soft play and your neighbours in their garden, but they dont have the right to bother you. They can be in softplay/garden without bothering you. Its not about you pushing them out of physical space they have the right to be in, its pushing them out of your personal zone.

Find the parent and tell them to keep their child away from your baby. Tell the child to go back to their parent. If not find a staff member and take the child to the staff so that the parents can be found. Was the child there alone?

Yes but doesn't your child usually play with children the same age? It becomes problematic when older children want to manhandle little ones not understanding that they could hurt them or that the little one can't just walk off if they don't want to play.

I would have been fine with my five year old playing with another five year old or even a three/four year old playing with a five year old. But I wouldn't have been fine with five year olds in the baby/toddler area bothering little ones. Nor would I let my five year old interrupt someone else's lunch, even if they're not eating their food unless the other parent actively invited them to sit with them.

You don't have to be rude to tell a child to leave you all alone. I would say 'It was nice meeting you, glad you had a good time playing, we are going somewhere else now, I'll walk you back to your parents'. If she asks to join, say 'Sorry, not this time, have a great rest of the day'.

This. I don’t agree with the majority of pp’s telling you that you should have bluntly told her to go away. I know that my child of 4 would totally be upset by this, proper lump in the throat upset so a 5yo I imagine would too. (Not that I’d take my kid to a soft play and let them latch on to another individual/family for the whole time)

Please don’t be nasty to children, it’s not their fault their parent is ignoring them. Kids get excited by things, sounds like the girl took a liking to your baby and whilst she might have been a bit annoying it’s quite endearing that she wanted to hang around with your 2.

You’ll never know the circumstances and it breaks my heart for any child to be on the receiving end of rudeness from an adult… that girl could be on the spectrum, her mummy could be in hospital and she’s being looked after by someone else, etc etc, there’s a million things that could be the case here.

I would have just said to the girl “right we are going to have our lunch now, who are you here with, shall I help you find them” and then delivered her back to her caregiver with a comment along the lines of “she was with us quite a well so I thought you’d be worried about where she’s gone”

No need to be mean to a little child. Also what type of message is this sending to your own kids?

@Janch13 @Boogily Yes agree with you, a bit of kindness is the least you can show a young child.

Wow, I'm amazed that adults 'up and down the country' tell kids to just 'go away'. Quite harsh.

I would, as OP says, expected the parents to have read the situation and swooped in. Failing that, I would ask the girl politely to go back to her parents and say they must be missing you. If not, take her by the hand and ask 'where is your mummy/daddy?' and say to them that you were worried she was lost!

Exactly. But this child’s mum clearly didn’t, which I guess is what made it harder for op to say “I don’t want you either actually.”

Take both your children and walk away, leave the pest where she is, if her parents are remotely concerned they'll find her, she's not your responsibility.

I’ve had this happen a lot over the years, a simple please don’t pick the baby up and when you’ve had enough just say it’s time to go and find your mummy or daddy now , thank you for coming over to play and just keep saying it until she goes

Ha…I’m a teacher so just use “the look”. It basically says “off you fuck” without having to say a word!

You updated your thread and you have received a lot of advice.

BUT, you havent answered why you spent the day there which apparently was ruined, had a kid constantly be around you and your family and you didnt want that to happen.

Why didnt you find the adult and explain the sitch to them?

To b honest @Bellaboo01 it does feel like it’s annoying you a lot more than it annoyed me, either at the time or now. I’m not at the old Bailey; I don’t need to answer your cross examination.

Probably not, as i've never had to post on a public forum about something like this and ask for other peoples advice and ask if 'IABU'.

But, absolutely YES it does annoy me when adults blame a small child who clearly shouldnt be the one being shamed here. Your AIBU on a public forum asked if you were being unreasonable to let another child ruin your afternoon!!

Why didnt you just ask the parent/ adult who was with them or if you were worried about approaching an adult - just tell a member of staff!!??

I am certainly not shaming the child. I was kind to her for that reason. I am actually a teacher myself and I am generally rather nice to children. This situation was because of the length of time it went on for. Happy to concede I should have been firmer about sending her away but ‘go away’ and marching her back to a table aren’t things I would personally be willing to do. If you would have done differently then you would and that’s fine too isn’t it - we don’t all have to have identical reactions to things. In any case it is done now and I cant say I’ve given it much more thought - same can’t be said for another poster on here!

In NO WAY have i ever suggested 'marching her back to her parents'!! BUT, i am also a teacher and i would have found the adult that she was with within the softplay and said - ' Hi, just to let you know, your little one is at our table, keeps picking up my baby so can you come and grab her'?

If you dont feel like you wanted to approach an adult then you could approach a member of staff/asked to see a supervisor as all kids need to be supervised in a softplay environment by whoever has taken them there.

Well what would you be doing if she hadn’t posted to get advice? Got to keep the posters amused …

@Bellaboo01 I was talking about the thread generally.

Seriously, let it go. One Tuesday afternoon at a soft play place a little girl was a bit annoying and I could have managed it a bit better.

It really isn’t the massive deal you’re making it out to be