To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

[letsgoglamping]

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

It’s cute but I do have a problem with a 6 year old picking up my baby, i do not know how rough this child is, how strong they are to hold them, have they a cold/ill? (Wouldn’t surprise me some parents taking their kids out I’ll) if it’s a friend, you know their kids.
I get older kids making friends but older kids playing with younger kids, has to be boundaries. A 7 year old was pushing my 2 year old (she’s 4 now) on the swing and my daughter didn’t like it and she tried grabbing her out of it, that was not on - I know she was trying to be helpful but I had to tell her to let go and we stopped playing on the swings annoyingly.

Honestly, the majority of the time I let those kids join us, as I felt so sad for them, since they obviously weren’t getting the attention they needed from their own parents, and I was that child once who’s parents didn’t play & just sent me off on my own. It’s not the poor child’s fault, they just want to feel connection, feel wanted, feel like their company is a pleasure instead of a nuisance.

If it was ever causing me difficulties, like they were not being safe/hitting/disruptive etc, then I would just say very calmly but firm, “please don’t do that”, or “please leave us alone”.

Well I’ve had a successful soft play trip today, my child made a friend within 2minutes of arrival and played nicely with him for the entire session so I didn’t get pestered to go on the slide and I didn’t have to tell anyone to ‘go away’ win win 😊

Same, but at scooter park. DS met a kid a year younger with the same scooter, they introduced themselves gleefully. His dad had been running with him but gratefully sat down with a phone about 1 min later, as did I on the other side, and squealy laughs while they chased each other round until the other kid's home time; big hugs and fond waving farewells. Despite hand wringers on here, I'm certain both kids knew very well that they are loved and wanted, they just had kid play instead of adult play for an hour.

I agree about the boundaries and my son who’s 6 would never try and pick up a baby. He would play with her/him from the mat and be super gentle. I’d never let him hold a baby as that’s out of order. I wouldn’t even let him lift his younger brother as I’d worry he dropped him.
This is when you intervene as it’s not easy for ppl with multiple kids to be looking at their kid every second esp if they are older. My son is super gentle and gets boundaries as he’s been taught not to cuddle other kids. They get taught this at school. But if a parent wasn’t happy about my son being close to them I’d expect them to tell him as he’s just being friendly and if it was a problem him going near them then I would be fine with them telling him even if I would find it odd to be that way when in a public soft play where kids go to play with others. If kids are hurting others/being overly rough that’s a different story but just playing gently should be ok.

Haven't RTFT but why are you allowing somebody else's child to 'ruin your day'?! If they're being a pain in the ass then just kindly set a boundary eg 'Baby is enjoying exploring right now please don't touch' or 'we're having dinner now please go find your parents' I think it's always good to be as open as you can though for the benefit of your kids.

I have a sociable only child. As such I think it's really important for her to have the confidence to approach people and make friends. I do tend to leave her to do this at parks etc not because I'm 'lazy' but to try and encourage independent social skills. If I can see she's palling up with another family though I will usually nip over to that family and check 'is she ok over here. Please do grab me or send her back to us if needed' and on the flipside I will welcome other children over to us with open arms within reason.

I think we have to set boundaries but then I don't think we can simultaneously deny kids the opportunity to socialise and then complain when they become chronically depressed tiktok zombies by age 12 either

I don’t think it’s about not liking them, but it’s about not wanting your whole time somewhere taken up by someone else’s child talking, leaving you unable to talk/play with your own children?!

I think you have to realize that when you go into "communal" play areas, you're supposed to interact with other humans. It is hilarious how completely bovine some of the responses are here. Bovine and anti-social.

i find that it’s often those who have come with nannies are like that. i just move to a different location of the play gym to avoid interaction, but it is quite sad!

I'd be firm and ask her to return to her parents/carer but in a kind way. No need to hurt a child's feelings or be rude to them. It isn't her fault that she's not being properly supervised and at that age would have limited awareness that she was being intrusive and annoying towards you and your children. I'd not enter into a conversation with her as such or make much eye contact but would smile and say something like "shall we go and find your mummy? " Or say "it's been nice talking to you but you need to go now".

nonsense. if you need a break from people you stay home.

The child sat with you for lunch and the parents didn’t intervene? I would have gotten up straight away and taken my child away. She obviously wasn’t being watched! I would have said can we please leave the little one to explore on her own thank you. The issue isn’t the child it’s the parents! Her parents should have been watching her because any normal person would have told their child to go off and play instead of hanging round one family the entire time.

I am childless, but do have a dog and have had the exact same thing. Being in a pub garden, trying to enjoy dinner and drinks with my friend, and other people’s children practically joining our meet-up (because they love the dog so much) and parents just letting them. I even had someones 7-year-old tell me he was off to take Casper for ‘a walk round the block’! My friend and I weren’t able to even talk to each other, let alone eat or drink our drinks!

I feel your pain! I never mind a five or ten minute interaction with a child and our dogs, but it’s a bit much when they park themselves permanently at your table.

It’s so annoying because the irony is that the child’s parents end up having a lovely relaxed lunch when yours is ruined!

I never blame the children themselves but I think it’s really bad manners and entitled behaviour on the parent’s part.

Teaching children that some adults are hostile and unfriendly, prepares them for life. If a five year old doting on a baby annoys you, then take some fangs and a fright wig when you go to a play area. If a sweet small child approaches, don your props, hiss "go away" and continue to do so till she cries. She'll leave and never coo at a baby again and your children will learn the lesson too. Win-win.

I guess you won’t read this because if I were you I’d have definitely muted notifications for this 😂 however, I just wanted to say a boy ‘joined us’ at the soft play centre recently and whilst he was a total pain in the arse, I also felt sorry for him. His guardian (grand parent in this case) wasn’t interested in engaging with him at all and he just wanted some company. I can understand why you didn’t necessarily want to just send her away.

I would have taken the cowards way out and taken her to staff….. just tell them she’s not yours and let them deal with it. As a softy and a parent I would have never allowed my child to do this but if people don’t deal with it and your not comfortable being mean then that’s the only way to stop it x

T

I find that Mums from Lewisham are especially bad at making sweeping generalisations that verge on sexism…

In my experience, children of this age, do not understand anything that is remotely subtle. I don’t think it is mean to say to a child it’s been lovely to meet you but please go and find mummy or daddy now as you are having lunch or you want to play with your children alone.

It’s the kind of thing that sounds a bit rude to an adult but honestly I don’t think children see things in the same way. At the end of the day, it’s not your responsibility to watch over someone else’s child either.

I would find this kind of situation quite stressful. it’s also a bit worrying that she was allowed to be with you independently for that amount of time with no intervention at all from a parent or carer. I would’ve actually been worried about who she was and where she had come from by the point that she joined you for lunch!