To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

[letsgoglamping]

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

That's very true 😂

If you're talking about the thread generally - then why are you tagging and quoting me?

Also a bit concerning that you are a teacher but, you can't handle a kid in a softplay area being annoying to you!

Agreed. Some posters on here are really mean! She was a little girl making a fuss over a baby. It was only once. Shit happens that you don’t like. Surely this can be tolerated for one session.
Yes, she does sound a bit neglected.
As a parent/ grandparent I would not allow my 5 year old to encroach on someone else’s time and family for so long but clearly, these parents didn’t care. Some parents will fob their kids off on anybody.

Two months after Madeleine disappeared we were on holiday nearby. Guess who was the mug in the playground at night with a coffee watching over my kids and everyone else's. While the other parents were getting hammered at the bar.

I’m glad you were kind to her. My 4 year old granddaughter would be in tears if someone told her to ‘go away’ as some mean posters have suggested. That’s a horrible thing to say to a child! Although my DGD’s parents would never allow her to spend so much time with another family.

I think this is the best advice posted. As her to point out her parents and then walk her over with some polite excuse.

I think the advise to just be firm and tell her to go away is wrong. A five year old would be hurt by that. It reminds me of being in the infant school playground as one of the only kids whose parents didn't drop her me off and hang out in the playground (as they worked) and wanting to play with other kids and some of the mums telling me to go away if their kid wasn't wanting to. Hearing that from an adult is much more hurtful than a child, and especially so if you as the child are 'unarmed' with protection of your mum to back you up.

I would say, if your children weren't unhappy or unsafe, it's better to grit your teeth through it, annoying as it may be, than bluntly tell a clingy 5 year old to go away. But yes, ideally you could locate their parents by asking them to point to them and have a word with them.

Btw the parents of said child may not be being neglectful, they could have seen their child playing with yours and assumed you were all enjoying it and thought it was sweet. They may not have realised that you were annoyed.

”it’s time for you to go back to your parents now”

its not mean but it’s clear

Why bother to post about it then?

It was three days ago. Although in three months I think a certain poster will still be here 😏😂

I don't understand why this ruined your day. Honestly if she'd been a bully and stepped on your kid, yes, that would have been a problem, but she was FRIENDLY. I think social interactions are really important for small kids. You should have been less hostile overall and welcomed her. That's a good lesson for your own kids, not getting friendly people in a socially communal place to "bugger off". Its not like she came into your house. Seriously.

You should have just upfront said it’s an issue. My 6 year old loves to play with babies and will often hover around them. I find it incredibly cute and never once thought a parent would have an issue with it. Having said that I go to soft play to hang out with mum friends and let me kids play with other kids. It’s not for me to spend 1:1 time with them as that’s what you do at home. A soft play is a big public place for kids to play with others just like playgrounds. I did see a parent the other day look sour faced when my kids and my friends kids were playing around him. It’s a public place and not private to them so having kids running around next to them shouldn’t come as a surprise. We all found it incredibly annoying as they kept giving us death stares. Next time my son tries to play with a baby I’ll make sure I ask the parent if it annoys them as he’s only just being friendly and kind.
He would never have lunch with them though as that’s just odd. I would have sent the kid back to the parents as it’s not your responsibility. It’s strange the parents didn’t notice he/she was trying to have lunch with you.

I hate this. I don't even want to play with my own kids at soft play, let alone someone else's. 😆 I'd have just said, "sorry, we'd like to play on our own now" or have tried to leave to a part you have to go with grown ups, like another corridor or something. I'd be mortified if my kids were bothering people too. I'm always keeping an eye on them though just to check what mine are up to and would have been straight over to fetch mine and apologise if they were being a pain.

This! It just sounds really antisocial 😅

FIrst off, you were kind to a child and that should be noted.

I've worked with children professionally, I now volunteer with them, and I'm a mother of three. Pre all that, I would've been like you - gentlegentle "wouldn't you like..." etc. Now I'm polite but direct, and blunt if I must be. I had a kid once bothering us non-stop - dad was on his phone, ignoring his child completely. I needed to feed mine, the child wouldn't leave us alone/wanted our food, so did the gentle approach first, when that didn't work, "No they can't play with you, they are eating. You need to go back to your daddy now". And so on.

No one should be forced to look after/interact with anyone if it makes them uncomfortable/they're tired and need a break from people etc.

This is ALSO an IMPORTANT LESSON FOR CHILDREN.

I love it when other kids play with my kids. It means they leave me alone to have my cuppa in peace 😂

Nothing the poster you were replying to was saying would have got you locked up for unstable behaviour 😂

I think you have the skills from classroom management to have dealt with a really persistent child being a bit of a nuisance , perhaps the different setting just threw you a bit.

Starting off gentle and escalating to kind but firm and through to rude if you are being ignored is a perfectly reasonable communication pattern - you just felt like you couldn't escalate it beyond a certain point because of the situation you were in, but I think you could have done.

"It's time to leave baby alone now please."
"My children would like to play by themselves now. Would you rather go play by yourself or find some different children to play with?" "Okay good plan, off you go!"
"Please stop playing with my children now. You can stay in this ball pit and play by yourself, or you can go find some company in another part of the play centre."
"Time to stop playing with my children and go do something else."
"Stop playing with my children NOW, thanks."
"Who is your grown up? (wait for answer) - Do I need to take you back to them and tell them that you're being a nuisance or are you going to go play with somebody else like I asked you to?" (and if necessary go ask her grown up to remove her from playing with your children as she's being a bit of a nuisance. If she can't or refuses to point out her grown up, that's the time to shout out DOES ANYBODY KNOW THIS CHILD, or to ask a member of staff to deal with it as the child appears to be unaccompanied).

"It's time for my family to have lunch now, bye bye"
"This lunch is for me, child X and baby Y. You can either go play with some other children or go back to your parents."
"This table is for my family only to have lunch. You need to go sit with your own family or go and play elsewhere please."
"I would like to have some time alone with my children. Please go and find somebody else to play with now."
"Where is your grown up? Do you need me to take you back to them or can you go by yourself?"
"Go and play by yourself or with somebody else now."
"Go away please." (go away in this context isn't sending the child out of the play area, it's sending the child away from you and your children.)

That’s when you put boundaries in and say something. Yes they shouldn’t be forced but how is a 5 year old meant to know if you don’t tell them. The parents might of thought that they were happy for their kid to play with others. If someone said don’t play with my kid in a soft play I’d tell my son directly and to find someone else who is willing to play with him. I think social interactions is really important and also holding your boundaries too which just requires direct communication.

I was the mom who other kids gravitated towards at softplay and playgrounds. I used to be a nanny so many kids sensed that?

Ds has sn's and when he was younger was very possessive of me. He is also adopted. Sometimes it was hard when other kids would be chatting away to me and I was trying to answer and pay attention to my son.

I love kids so I didn't actually mind unless we were now eating, or he needed some space.

I usually just said " Alex and I are just going to eat now ( or play by ourselves) for a bit."

It can be really awkward but sometimes the parents aren't paying any attention. I could have walked away with a few kids before their parents noticed. One followed me to the bathroom once. I brought her back out and the mom was still chatting away to someone. We were gone for about 5 minutes. She was only about 3..

I'm actually laughing out loud 😂

“You need to go and find your mummy now. Off you go. Bye bye!”

Happens all the time OP, and I was the parent that seemed to attract other people's kids. But I was there to entertain my own, and not those of lazy parents sat with their head in their phone/mug of coffee. I became more confident to say to the kids that we'd enjoyed playing with them but it was time to go back to their own Mum/ Dad now.

I feel like I would have been the same as you, too polite to tell a 5 year old to go away 😅 but I have had this before where a toddler wouldn’t leave us alone and it was hard watching my daughter as he was interfering so much, eventually I just ignored him and didn’t interact with him and he got bored and went away.
Why their parents don’t stop them I don’t know - my daughter didn’t want to play with him, she was too young to anyway and was not interested in the slightest, but yes you should have told her to go back to her mummy/daddy or find them and tell them she needs to go back to them now.