To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

[letsgoglamping]

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

'You need to go back to Mummy/Daddy/Granny now. We are having our lunch'

I work in a primary school and deal with some rather difficult children, the best way to deal with them is to be blunt and make it clear that what they are doing is not acceptable behaviour to you. Doesn't mean you need to be rude or mean but like others have said young children don't pick up on hints and unless you directly tell them they need to stop doing something then they are more then likely to just continue what they're doing. It would annoy me too but I would of put a stop to it the minute another child tried to pick up my baby or tried to stop them from playing.

Say kindly but loudly "Please go back to your parent now. I am trying to spend time with my children".

If they persist I'd gather my kids and move to another area.

This.

I would have said "we are having family time now, dd1 can let you know later if she wants to play, dd2 is too small to play." You might need to be quite firm. "We are just playing as a family at the moment, please don't touch dd2." And don't interact.

Is it really so hard to assert yourself to a 5 year old?

Then don't use hints and signs.

Use clear, age appropriate, polite language.

Not 'go away', but 'No. Don't pick the baby up, please' or 'please mind away from the baby, she's trying to play' and 'we're going to have our lunch now, you need to go and find your grown up'.

‘Stop picking her up please she doesn’t like it’

’You need to go back to your mummy now as we’re having lunch’

As pps said you have to be firm. Kids don’t pick up on hints. No need to be rude but tell her to go back to her parents. Failing that take her by the hand and say take me to your parents and have a word with them and tell them she’s bothering you and can they please stop her from doing that

You let some random five year old pick up your baby? Then have lunch with you?

You need to up your game op

ideally her parent(s) would have noticed this and tactfully removed her but that isn’t what happened

^

Nope. Busy having coffee and chatting

All parents should be vigilant at soft play, sadly so many aren't and rely on the ones who are to look after their kids as well! Xx

I work with people who’ve boasted about deliberately not retrieving their kids when they leech onto another family as it gives them a break, so I wouldn’t bother waiting for the parent to do the right thing. Just be more blunt. If parents complain you can cheerfully tell them it’s their own fault for using a stranger as an unpaid childminder.

You are very passive. It’s not rude to say ‘go back to mummy/daddy now’.

Hi OP. I don't have any advice, I am afraid, but just wanted to let you know the exact same thing happened to me on Sunday. I took my baby (almost one) to soft play for the first time and a five year old girl was absolutely OBSESSED with him. Picking him up, feeding him grapes, would not leave him alone the whole 90mins we were there. I really wanted to tell her to go away, but she was sweet (ish) and DS seemed happy enough so I put up with it. Though I did tell her not to pick him up! I was contemplating posting on MN for advice but am glad I didn't bother, having read the replies here. It just seemed too mean to tell her to piss off, so I put up with it. If DS had been upset, I would have been more firm. I don't think it is in me to be mean to a five year old girl!

OP, it’s not unreasonable to expect other parents to look after their children, it’s when they don’t that the problem arises. You can’t let yourself be such a pushover - you need to advocate for your own children. Clearly the baby can’t tell an intrusive five year old to leave her alone - so you need to. Likewise, if you want to have lunch with your own children (who would undoubtedly have preferred to have lunch with you alone) then make it happen. You have the ability to do something about this: your children don’t. It may seem rude - but better that than spending two and a half hours seething.

This^

You’ve only got yourself to blame, you’re the adult, tell the kid to go away. I can’t believe you let it ruin your afternoon rather than use your big girl voice!

Setting a polite but firm boundary isn’t mean! It’s rude of a child to just insert themselves into your trip out and feed your baby! Honestly what a wet lettuce - after a few minutes you kindly say ‘Baby has had fun but that’s enough now, give him some space’ and go with them to find their grown up if needs be. You let a stranger feed your baby grapes?

You don’t need to tell her to piss off? Just say it’s time to go back to mummy/daddy now.

I think it’s kind of hard at a public soft play place.
youl get lots of practice being firm with other peoples kids as you baby grows.
environments like this are great for both you and little one to navigate social interactions and boundaries.
.
I would act all jolly with the five year old and ask her to point out her parents, then walk her over there and say to parents just returning Jessica as we are going to have lunch now and I’ didn’t want to leave her alone in the baby area
.
some if the comments here? Why on earth would you take your kids somewhere like that if you don’t want other children interacting with them- so bizarre.

Scared of a 5 year old. Another one to "how do some mumsnetters survive?"

She shouldn't be picking up the baby- but did your older one enjoy having someone to play with? Personally, I usually liked it when my children made "playground friends"

You can either say nothing or be mean and tell a child to piss off?!

Whoah are you going to struggle when your child grows up! Might want to book onto a communication skills course. Gentle, but firm and clear is absolutely key to talking to children. I'd start practising now.

It’s not mean to tell a 5 year old not to pick up your baby and that it’s time for them to go back to their grown up! It’s not fair on your own children not to.

As everyone else has said you just had to say where’s your
Mummy/Daddy? Ok you need to go back to them now, it’s been lovely playing with you. If she doesn’t go take her by the hand walk her back to her grown up (or a member of staff if you can’t find them) and say she’s been playing with us but my littlest is getting fed up of being picked up now and we’re now having lunch so I’ve brought her back, big smile, bye bye sweetie and you’re done.