To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

[letsgoglamping]

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

It's generally nice for kids to interact, you could have diverted her to play with the 3yo instead of the baby and it would have been easier all round. Lots of people do like their kids playing with others, I do, so please don't assume others just know the kid should be removed for just talking; it's up to you as the adult to move her along if she's a bother because you wanted to sit alone with the kids. Definitely don't ever give random kids food again if that's what you mean by having lunch with you, you don't know about allergies. Like others say, it's not hard to send away a 5yo "we're sitting down now, go back to your mum/dad/gran", "thanks for the chat but that's enough now, off you go".

Genuine question, why do you send children to softplays? Because I honestly can't understand why people take their children to places where they most likely will play with other children, and still get annoyed by it. The part where you were eating, like others mentioned you should of told her, right we're eating food now, see you in a bit.
But I only say this because I have a son that really likes making friends and getting to know people, and I do notice mums staying on top of their children's head not giving them the chance to meet. It makes me think why did you bring your child outside if you want to stay on top of them? Aren't children supposed to play with each other? I don't know, I might be a bit over sensitive with this. And yes they should check on their own children, at least to ask if it's okay if they play with your daughters.

Parents like the ones of that little girl just sound lazy tbh. Get up and deal with your child instead of sipping coffee and gossiping. 🙄

A bit of playing is fine but picking a baby up when you’re not much older yourself isn’t playing.

I know how you mean about not wanting to sound overly harsh, I’m shit at confrontation so I’d not say anything either. Though I’m getting better!

Very annoying! I would have said in a low but firm voice, “Ok, time to go then. Go on then, off you go. Thank you, thank you. Time to leave us alone. Bye!” Then if she still didn’t get the message, I would have crouched down in front of my kids, turned my back on her and would keep saying, “Ok bye, time to leave us alone,” over my shoulder.

Whoever was looking after her dropped the ball. It’s sad in many ways but not your problem for you to deal with and play and look after the girl the whole time you are there.

I agree with this.

Then the problem is your reticence.

You can be direct and blunt with children. Firm and cheerful.

"It's time to go back to your grown up now. Bye bye!"

"Let's find your grown up now and say goodbye".

"No more picking up the baby, Lisa".

@Confused19831983 tragic article about a five year old child who choked to death on grapes. And they were not 1.

https://www.kidspot.com.au/news/i-saw-him-holding-his-hands-around-his-neck-in-five-minutes-my-son-was-dead/news-story/80793a38f0f61aabb2d116de7f19ae37?amp&nk=9f5e951f45964a248f7313e798e33b90-1716925055

YYY, agree with every word of this.

I’ve had similar situations and generally entertain it (as long as it’s not unsafe) for about 10mins before saying “well, we need to go over here now, bye!/we need to play by ourselves now”
The joining in lunch seems too far though, and at that stage I’d have found a member of staff and said “I’m not sure where this child’s parents are but she seems to be on her own and is trying to eat lunch with us. Can you do a shout out/make sure she’s ok?”

She is a child and likely to have additional needs to be so clingy like this.issue was with the parents she obviously doesn't get much attention at home.

Exactly. OP this isn't unnecessarily harsh at all. You'll have to get used to sending kids like this away, or it will happen again and again, and spoil your children's fun.

She especially should have been told not to try picking up your DD.

2 bits of guesswork in this post. Not bad at all.

Thank you . That's really nice of you to say x

Why did you not find the owner of the establishment and let them know. They would have gone over and had a word with the parents.

“It’s time for you to go back to your mummy now, nice to meet you, bye bye”

@NuffSaidSam I wouldn't have actually told the child to "piss off".
But essentially, however you may phrase it, this is what you are essentially saying by politely asking the child to find their parent, saying you wish to be alone with your baby, whatever it may be, any of the suggestions on here.

It was my first time at soft play. I will try and be more firm when / if I take him again.
I shouldn't have let her feed him.
I was supervising the whole time to make sure it was safe and the pieces were very small and soft.
But I still shouldn't have allowed it.

@Wattlemania Thanks for sharing this. It is a tragic story. I was supervising the whole time to make sure the pieces were small and soft.
But I now realise I shouldn't have allowed it to happen.

OP - by not telling the child to go away you were sending a message to your children that they are less important than this other child. I totally get that it's hard but with experience you will learn to set boundaries, and your children will learn from you that they can do that too. That is an extremely helpful thing for them to learn.

This is a learning curve, but you will learn how to do it. If you had boys you would learn faster because they are fiercer and some of them have voices like a parade ground sargeant major.

The fun comes when you have to set boundaries with your in-laws and then that's a whole other level.

Went to soft play hell today. Ended up with a gaggle of children ‘playing’ with me and my DC. To be honest I would have preferred them to go away but if you are an adult in there, making up games and interacting you do tend to get mobbed. I unfortunately have to go in as my DS can hit on occasion so I can’t leave him to it. Although I’m an old hand at this I was particularly surprised by how many really small children were in their unsupervised today. It’s a much higher number of children alone and much younger in age. When my oldest was soft play age it was full of parents squeezing through the frame playing with their kids. Not so much these days.

Do you have much experience with small children OP? Other than your own obviously. I mean cousins, nieces and nephews, friends children etc etc. Because honestly, the amount of times I’ve firmly told other children to leave mine alone, or play nicely, or share, or go find mummy now.. I mean I do it all the time! It’s not a big deal. Kids generally do what other grown ups tell them. They look to adults for boundaries and guidance, and as adults, we are supposed to give them this. You can’t let some random 5yo muck
about your baby and impose on a lunch with your two children! You have to be in charge and make sure you and your dc have the sort of day you wanted to have.

“Right… show me who you’re here with, Honey!”
Go to said parent/guardian and say “I didn’t come here to look after her. She’s monstering my kid. Please get her to leave us alone.”

Because they want their children to play on the equipment? You can hardly hire a soft play for one or two children.

If you want your son to have company at soft play why not invite some of his friends to go with him rather than annoying other families?

Problem is OP, 99% of parents would have sent the 5yo back to their parent pretty sharpish. Particularly when eating lunch! So if you didn’t, the other parent probably assumed you were up for having them and were finding it useful to have another child in the mix to entertain your 2.

I mean....no. Asking a child to find their parent is in absolutely no way the same as telling them to piss-off. I guess the result would be the same...they'd go away. But in one scenario they'd be hurt and upset and in the other completely fine and not atune to your dislike of them.

Honestly, it's really worth looking into some sort of communication training, how you phrase things really makes a big difference to the message you send.