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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have let another child ruin our afternoon?

295 replies

letsgoglamping · 28/05/2024 16:21

I already know I didn’t deal with this well and it isn’t a massive deal or anything but it was annoying.

The weather here is terrible so took my DDs (3 and 8 months) to a little soft play place. When we got there another little girl was very taken with DD2 which was sweet at first but she did not leave us alone for the entire session. Constantly trying to pick DD2 up and getting in her way as she was trying to crawl and play a bit. I kept trying to manage the situation but that meant DD1 was being practically ignored. I tried ‘wouldn’t you like to go and play for a bit?’ and ‘I’m sure your mummy would like to see you!’ but no joy. Short of being really blunt (go away and leave us alone!) had no idea what to do.

She then joined us for lunch which was a pain as while she didn’t eat anything it was again taking my time away from my own two.

Just wondering how others deal with this and AIBU to think parents should really check on their child every now and again? I don’t hover over DD1 but we were there for two and a half hours and it was just too much from this child.

OP posts:
Eggmoobean · 28/05/2024 19:39

Her parents should have been dealing with this. How annoying for you. I personally would have told her to go, but I get what you are saying, it is her family that should be telling her. We had this years ago at swimming lessons, a child who was always watching her older siblings was actively told by parents to go and talk to people on the gallery so they could get rid of her for five minutes. You then watched people having to talk to this child instead of seeing their children swimming.

Brefugee · 28/05/2024 19:41

letsgoglamping · 28/05/2024 17:33

Have you ever seen anyone do this in a soft play centre?

Risking being locked up for unstable behaviour is a bit overkill, even if it does mean I ‘grow some ovaries.’ The child meant no harm but she was being intrusive and ideally her parent(s) would have noticed this and tactfully removed her but that isn’t what happened.

Show quote history

I have done the "go back to your parents now, don't touch my baby" loud enough for the mother to come and get the kid. More than once. I have never needed to escalate further because i'm not too wishy washy to make sure my own kids are ok and having the fun we planned.

SillyLemonZebra · 28/05/2024 19:42

I know all the other posts say the opposite but I feel like I would have been the same as you. Where I live telling a 5 year old to do one would probably be the catalyst for the mother of said child kicking off as well. 🙈

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 28/05/2024 19:44

Eurgh, we had this on holiday. A very sweet little girl practically moved in with us. Any time we were at the campsite she was there with us. Watching us eat, got her swim stuff as we got ours, watched us get dc ready for bed, joined any activity on site etc. I got her to show me her parents when she tried coming into our tent. I told the parents that I was concerned because we are strangers and it was getting a bit much. They offered us money for her drinks in the club house 😂 I’m not sure if it was cultural (we were in France and they were French?).

We ended up having to be very strict and saying no every time she came over.

VivaVivaa · 28/05/2024 19:50

I’ve got more bolshy with time. When DC1 was a baby/young toddler I would have quietly been annoyed but said nothing. Now I’m trying to manage two DC and I’m perpetually knackered I happily tell other kids how to behave if their parents aren’t around. I told a 5 yo at a messy play thing today to stop opening the water chutes when other kids are trying to fill up the containers. Mum glared at me but I couldn’t care less. 3 years ago I wouldn’t have dared say anything. I can’t be bothered picking up the pieces when it inevitably upsets/pisses off my kids.

Confusionn · 28/05/2024 19:52

Sorry I just think if you go somewhere full of children then it is not unreasonable to assume that at some point you are going to have to interact with other people's children. I find this attitude towards children that are not your own bewildering. Stay at home then if you don't want to speak to anyone else. Or if children annoy you so much why bother having any? Also well done teaching your children on how to be rude and anti social.

Lavender14 · 28/05/2024 19:55

I find this frustrating too op because really it's the parents fault for not supervising effectively and i don't want to hurt a child's feelings. Ds got this all the time when we were at soft play when he was younger and it really interfered with him being able to move around freely plus sometimes older kids aren't aware enough of themselves and could hurt a smaller child. Cracks me up when parents don't stop their older kids going into the baby section at soft play.

Often I just say something like, please don't pick the baby up he doesn't like it. Or he's learning how to crawl and he needs more space to practice so why don't you go play over there with the bigger kids or thanks for coming to say hello but we're going to get our lunch now so you should go find your grown up.

BobbyBiscuits · 28/05/2024 19:57

It seems bizarre the parents weren't looking out for her. Did you see them, speak to them?
When little kids are annoying me it's perfectly polite to say in a kind but firm voice 'no, you need to go back to mummy or daddy now. See you later. Bye bye' then wave her goodbye with a smile. Warmly and not sternly. If they hesitate just say 'go on, there you go' and point them away.
It's always worked for me, even with kids that seem a bit unruly.

Prinnny · 28/05/2024 19:57

Confusionn · 28/05/2024 19:52

Sorry I just think if you go somewhere full of children then it is not unreasonable to assume that at some point you are going to have to interact with other people's children. I find this attitude towards children that are not your own bewildering. Stay at home then if you don't want to speak to anyone else. Or if children annoy you so much why bother having any? Also well done teaching your children on how to be rude and anti social.

I think we’ve found the girls mum 😂😂

LordSnot · 28/05/2024 19:57

Next time ask yourself which you prefer: being blunt with a child or having it tagging along with you. Make a conscious choice and live with it.

BingoMarieHeeler · 28/05/2024 19:59

‘Ok, go and find your adult now 😀’

Failing that I’d walk around the place with her going ‘is this your child? Is this your child? She couldn’t find you’ etc. Genuinely have done that before 😄

MagnetCarHair · 28/05/2024 20:00

"Go back to your parents, they'll be getting worried about you"

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/05/2024 20:02

"Time to go back to your mum now sweetheart. Go on now…"

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 28/05/2024 20:04

Hand her over to a staff member as a "lost" child. Problem solved.

ShillyShallySherbet · 28/05/2024 20:04

I would have asked who she was there with and taken her back to them as soon as she started to annoy me.

WitchyWay · 28/05/2024 20:06

Brefugee · 28/05/2024 17:18

but when the parents don't intervene? "go back to your parents" "go away now" "i don't want you here" "GO AWAY" and when that doesn't work "TO WHOM DOES THIS CHILD BELONG? COME AND GET IT NOW"

the advantage of this? children learn who you are and don't come near, and the parents watch out to make sure their child doesn't go near you.

Yeah right like you do this and if you do, shame on you. In what world is telling a 5 year old yo go away acceptable?

Classic MN post!

WitchyWay · 28/05/2024 20:07

"I'm sorry lovely, we're busy over here so can't play right now. Please go and find your parents or off you go and play.".

Hiddenvoice · 28/05/2024 20:09

I had a little girl do this with my dd (2). She kept trying to pick up my dd and was holding her hand which was sweet but then it moved onto her trying to kiss my dd. I firmly so no kissing thank you and she ran away upset and brought her mum back to me. When I explained the no kissing the mum was actually quite apologetic and reminded her dd not to touch younger children.
I just don’t think her mum realised she was being a bit of a bother.

In your shoes I’d have asked the little girl to play elsewhere for a while and then during your lunch I would have been firm and told her to go play as we are eating alone.

Hugosmaid · 28/05/2024 20:09

This is one of the saddest threads I’ve read on MN because of the majority of responses

Yes it would have been a pain but she was obviously used to being ignored by her parents and wanted to engage in your family - because it looked nice.

She she wasn’t your responsibility but in the bigger schemes of things it’s not that bad is it?

This was probably me at 5 :(

Lifelong · 28/05/2024 20:10

Brefugee · 28/05/2024 17:18

but when the parents don't intervene? "go back to your parents" "go away now" "i don't want you here" "GO AWAY" and when that doesn't work "TO WHOM DOES THIS CHILD BELONG? COME AND GET IT NOW"

the advantage of this? children learn who you are and don't come near, and the parents watch out to make sure their child doesn't go near you.

🤣

PurpleChrayn · 28/05/2024 20:11

Absolutely pathetic to be intimidated by an effing 5-year-old.

Jo7890123 · 28/05/2024 20:13

That's just nasty 😕

EarringsandLipstick · 28/05/2024 20:14

Brefugee · 28/05/2024 17:18

but when the parents don't intervene? "go back to your parents" "go away now" "i don't want you here" "GO AWAY" and when that doesn't work "TO WHOM DOES THIS CHILD BELONG? COME AND GET IT NOW"

the advantage of this? children learn who you are and don't come near, and the parents watch out to make sure their child doesn't go near you.

This is really horrible.

I probably wouldn't have minded much, tbh. But as OP did, I'd ask her where her parents / minder was & walk her back.

Not UR to not want the girl hanging around, but suggesting talking like that to & about a child is so nasty.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 28/05/2024 20:15

I would find this tricky too. I don't know anyone who would say Go Away to a perfectly sweet (if annoying) child.

I would probably let her join in for a bit and then say something like. 'Thanks so much for playing with us but we are going to do this now' or 'right we are eating now if you can go back to your mummy/find some other friends'.

If she had persisted I'm not sure what I would have done though.... probably tried to find the mum and said something like - 'we are just sitting down to eat now so wanted to make sure she found her way back to you ok'....

MonsteraMama · 28/05/2024 20:23

Imagine letting a five year old walk all over you 🙄

Come on OP you just can't be this passive in life, you'll be doing your own children a real disservice teaching them to go through life like that.

Little kids don't get offended like adults do. Firm and direct is the only way to deal with stuff like this, either with the kid or her parents.

"Time to go back to your mum now, goodbye."

OR

"Can you bring your child back to you now please, we're having lunch."

You ruined your own day by allowing someone else's five year old dictate your time.

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