My ex is a d**k!!

[Pickledeverything]

Me and my ex split up when my daughter was 1 and she is now 11, iv always let him have her 2 nights in the week. Hes now asking for 50/50 and says he doesn’t mind what it looks like but wants it to include every other weekend!! Iv said no because then I won’t get much time with my child because I work and she’s at school etc and I feel like he’s doing it to stop paying maintanace. He’s now threatening to take me to cort and I laughed because I know for a fact that all the dads of friends who go to court only get a Wednesday overnight and every other weekend so he will get less time because I won’t allow the weekend to happen. I’m refusing to pay for a soliciter for his issues so what do I do? Can he make me to court and will they pay for a soliciter for me? Tia xx

She does need stability but giving her six times a month with her father is not it. You muppet.

OP you are the sort of mother that gives all the other mothers fighting to keep their children from their fathers for real legitimate reasons a bad name.

You are seeing this whole situation for how it affects you and what you’re having to give up. You do not get to justify keeping your daughter from her father because she gets to go on her iPad whilst she’s there!

Do you know how many mothers out there would kill for their child’s father to want to see them on a regular basis.

You’re selfish and sound immature, bitter and nasty.

You are actually a bad parent. I hope she knows what you've done when she's older.

There are other children at his house? Does your DD have siblings you've been preventing her from having quality time with?

He really should take you to court as one weekend a month and fewer days overall isn't something they would order.

They aren’t her siblings. His wife’s children so that’s irrelevant.

Genuine question, what will you do if he decides he's no longer allowing you to "allocate" him time to his own daughter and does take you to court? Because it is highly likely he will get 50/50.
I think the fact he's asked for more, and you've given him less, means you've just given him more ammunition for him to sort this legally.
You think it will make him back off but it's only going to send him the other way when he sees how he gets less time with her now.
If you wanted to try and keep him sweet, you should have kept the 2 week nights and the monthly weekend. As I've a feeling the only person this is going to work out worse for in the long run, is you 🙁

they are her half siblings
they are not irrelevant

your dd is also part of that family. you might have a problem with that but it doesn't change the facts

the truth is that with the approach you have taken will only make your DD resent you when she is an adult and realises you kept her away from her dad

I assume she means they aren’t his but his step children instead

sorry I mistyped, I meant step siblings

either way, the point stands. they are family now. so those kids are not irrelevant. and how nasty to refer to kids whoever they are as irrelevant

To answer some questions, her dads wife has a girl from previous relationship and then my ex and his wife have 2 kids together so maybe I shouldn’t have said irrelevant but I just mean they aren’t real siblings and she doesn’t call them that so it’s not like it’s a blood family iyswim. A lot of people say he won’t be awarded 50/50 in courts and I think they will take a very dim view of the fact that he hasn’t pushed for custody until now, why wait this long to go to court? He does lots that I don’t agree with parenting wise and I feel that it’s confusing for my child when she has different rules at different houses. I also know for a fact that he works sometimes when it’s “his time” so his wife has her so it’s pointless? Why ask for your child extra if you don’t even see her!! That’s what really gets my goat. And if I ask for her back when he’s working so I can see her he refuses so I don’t think he will go to court because he’s just as much in wrong as I am! I posted this thread for a rant and som advice from likeminded mums and I’m shocked at some of the responses honestly, I’m all for dads having equal rights but really? Extreme.

But your partner has her when you aren’t around so it’s the same thing?! And your child has siblings even if you don’t like it.

You don’t agree with equal rights for dads, don’t pretend you do. He might not agree with how you parent, what makes you right and him wrong?

I’m all for dads having equal rights

I nearly spat out my drink for laughing at this.

I'd imagine on occasion if you're shopping or running errands, your partner has your DD. Should you drop her at her dads everytime this happens? You are batshit

Do you really think you are offering your child stability?! You sound permanently drunk/unhinged.

Your ex is not the dick here.

I am really trying to not be rude here but OP is making it impossible.

of course her half siblings are her blood family. if she isn't close to them I can guarantee it's because of you

no one has here has told you that he won't get 50/50. I don't know who you have been speaking to but if they are probably just as delusional as you are

please get some therapy for yourself. you are in no fit state to parent this child.

OP, I know of a child whose father didn’t make any effort to see him immediately after he was born. He left the area and went back home, 6 hours train ride away. He doesn’t drive. The mum tried her hardest to facilitate a relationship between her son and the father. The father was antagonistic and blanked her completely and didn’t see his son at all.
Then when his son was 8, he suddenly decided he wanted 50/50. He didn’t know his son at all. He refused mediation but still took the mum to family court. And the family court granted him as close to 50/50 as possible, given the distance. That is, 50% of every half term and every major school holiday period. Plus a weekend every month. It has been so hard on the child who hates having to do all the travelling every time he gets a break from school and for whom the father and his family were total strangers. On appeal the family court still insisted the father gets as much time with his son as possible. It’s the child who suffers. And the mum has suffered in having to helplessly watch that total injustice happen. There are tears and dread every single school holiday.

So please don’t think the family court will be on your side …or even on your child’s side.

I say again, you will be better trying to work out what your DD actually wants and to work with her father to do your joint best for her in this situation. Yes, even though it was him who left you !

Avoid the family court if at all possible. And avoid alienating your child against her father. Try to encourage her to have positive relationships with him and her siblings in his new family. You must stop trying to punish him for leaving you.
You will always be her mum and even more dear to her if you recognise that he will always be her dad. Which means accepting and respecting his new family set up for your DD.
Stop laughing at his request OP. You should take it much more seriously.
Good luck for you and your DD.

They're not reasons, they're excuses. Sounds like ex is providing a normal family home for dd and soon she'll be voting with her feet where she'd prefer to spend her time.

I think they will take a very dim view of the fact that he hasn’t pushed for custody until now, why wait this long to go to court?

They won't. Even if he had been completely uninterested in the child up to now, the idea is that its good that he is now interested. If there was no contact it might mean that the court orders a gradual increase in time spent rather than straight to 50/50 for example, but literal child rapists still get time with their own children if they go to the family court so the things you say about your ex really won't have much impact.

What are you talking about? Of course those younger children are your DD’s siblings. How awful that you are denying her a close relationship with them as well as limiting her time with her dad.

Like some PPs I truly hope your ex pursues this matter in court for your DD’s sake. He may be awarded 50/50 with you. That might be the best option for her.

YABVU. Your DDs father has every right to every other weekend. Her relationship with her half siblings (and they are blood relatives) is important. I get why you don’t want to lose time with your daughter but you need to think about what is best for her long term (and I say that as an adult child of separated parents).

Her half siblings are her blood relatives. If you had more kids with your DP would you say they weren’t her real siblings? If she doesn’t call them that then it’s clear you’ve been saying that to her.

they’d take more of a dim view towards you than him considering you’ve been blocking him having more access, hell I’d say he could even prove that you’ve tried to alienate her against her actually siblings.

maybe he couldn't afford it before, maybe he thought (naively) you’d do the right thing by your daughter, maybe just maybe he’s getting all the evidence to prove parental alienation

If people (one/maybe two in here did before they read all your posts) are telling you he won’t get 50/50 have you considered they are doing that because it’s what you want to hear and not want you needed to, as they’ll know how you’ll react?

he isn’t just as much in the wrong at all, in fact I can’t see what he’s done wrong. so he works when he has her sometimes, so this means his wife (her step mum) looks after her, why is that not okay when at the same time it’s okay for your DP to look after her when you work? It’s clearly one rule for you (I can do what ever the hell I want) and one rule for him (you can’t do anything unless I say so)

no you posted hoping people would agree with you and say yes he is a dick and you are right etc, when in reality we can see that you are the issue. You are the one who up until now refused any weekends.

If you truly truly were for dads having equal rights you wouldn’t have prevented weekends before or reduced his week nights in lieu of one weekend a month.

You say her dad’s other children are not her siblings. So if you went on to have another child would you tell her that baby isn’t her sibling? No you wouldn’t. You’re biased and vicious and I can’t believe you’re digging yourself into a deeper hole trying to defend yourself when you’re blatantly alienating your daughter from her father!!

you don’t have to agree with his rules etc at his house. As long as there is no abuse or neglect you don’t get a say in what time he says is bedtime, how long she gets on her iPad etc.

I pray that you wake up and see how much you’re going to affect your daughter later in life from your actions. She has every right to see her father and her siblings. You sound like an awful awful person.

"Like minded Mums"
You mean Mums who think their child belongs to them and the Dad should be happy with scraps thrown at him. All the whilst clearly happy to take his money?!
This to me screams less about you having more time with your child, and more about wanting to get money out of your ex.

Nobody can predict what a Family Court will decide so it’s a bit of a waste of keyboard wear and tear to suggest it.

However, Family Courts will take into consideration the time children spend with each parent and their siblings (and that includes half-siblings).

They also understand the issue of ‘quality time’ (I hate the term but it is descriptive) by which is meant the time outside the routine of get up, breakfast, school, homework, tea, bath, bed. This is why children frequently spend alternate weekends and half the school holidays with the non-resident parent. The Courts also encourage children spend a weekday/night or two with the non-resident parent as that gives the non-resident parent a chance to engage with school work, other ‘boring’ routines and allows the child(ren) more time with half-siblings.

It is a fact of life that as so many parents work there will be occasions when a parent’s ‘new’ partner/spouse will have the child(ren) in their care. It’s what happens in families.

Children do need stability but at the age of 11 they are aware that different households can have different 'rules' or routines.

I would still suggest the OP speaks to a Family Court Solicitor is she can’t come to an amicable solution.

One thing the Family Courts will NOT do is take into consideration any Child Maintenance payments.

“Take his money” ???!!!
OP’s situation aside, attitudes like this are a SERIOUS problem. Give your head a wobble please. Child maintenance is for the child. Women are not “taking men’s money”, both parents have an obligation to financially support their children and resident parents end up taking the vast majority of the financial hit.