Is this CF or AIBU?

[CFornot123]

It’s a money one!

Recently came into some money (not insignificant to me but not significant either). I haven’t made it widely known and only told a couple of very close relatives (let’s call one of them relative A) but asked them not to tell anyone. Yesterday at Sunday lunch, relative B was telling me about a new hobby (an expensive one) they’ve decided to start but they’re struggling to afford to buy the required equipment.
This morning I got a message from relative B asking if I’d mind buying them the equipment they need for their hobby as a gift (approx 2k in all). Turns out relative A told them all about the windfall, how much and told relative B I’d buy them what they needed.
AIBU to think both A and B are out of order? I asked A not to tell anyone and had no reason to assume they would. Why should I fund B’s new expensive hobby? If they can’t afford it then choose something different? Or should I give them the money they need?

edited to add that relative B wasn’t one of the people I personally told so should not have known

Lesson learned. Money brings people out the woodwork and can breed greed and resentment as it did between DH and his cousin. This was despite both men knowing why only one was being left money (one still had a living parent who inherited instead and the others parent died of cancer at just 26 years old). Pull up your big girl pants and let both A & B know that A broke your trust in talking about it and you have already decided what you’re doing with it.

No good deed goes unpunished.

You will be mad to contribute based on how all this went down. Mad.

I would seriously recommend you don't do it.

Well I don't know where B found the audacity but they need to take it back and shove it where the sun don't shine

😱

also to be blunt contributing anything is stupid; they'll just take it as confirmation you're happy to fund their fancy new hobby! But it's your money not theirs. Frankly always strike me as a bit macabre that on hearing of someone inheriting, people's first thought is not how they can support someone through their loss but how can they get their hands on some of the bounty! It's sick

Try to get 2,000 units of worthless currency from a travel agent. Kazakh Tenge is about 500 to the Pound; that's about 4 Quid.

Slip it in an envelope with a lovely note, to the effect: Here's the 2,000 you asked for!

.

That's more inflammatory than the perfectly reasonable response se and action of giving nothing!

How rude and cheeky. Two words… fuck off x

@CFornot123 - don’t contribute…. You will create a monster. Advise them that the money is tied up and you can’t touch it.

If you are going to reward B's CFery by handing over what has been asked for, make sure you set aside plenty more for it, as this will indeed roll on and on.

You may well believe that you've agreed to a one-off financial gift, but it won't play out that way at all. All future costs of the hobby - and maybe any old thing that B wants that can very tenuously be sort of associated with it - will be placed firmly on your doorstep; and once you've agreed to the initial payment, you may well be painted as an absolute nasty, vindictive, petty scrooge if you suddenly 'cut B off and leave them high and dry'.

This is the answer. “Unfortunately, with the price of training and full board these days…”

I’d tell B that I’d used the whole lot to make a lump sum mortgage payment.

Don’t do it, they will come for more and more, just say it’s in an account that you can’t touch for TEN YEARS

I bet the one with the new expensive hobby also has lots of nice clothes, cars and holidays.

DON’T DO IT

Sorry I can’t buy you a new bike Dave. My drug dealer is threatening to “do me in” unless I pay him the £x amount for my crack habit. Sorry 😃

What is this stupid need to 'share'? You created this problem by blabbing.

Tell her you’ll send her a little something in the post. Then sellotape a pound coin in a card and send her that.

I think this is a little bit unfair.

The OP is the victim of a CF. The CFery could have been avoided, had OP kept it secret from everyone. But it sounds like she only told her parents, who she should have been able to trust.

My advice would be don't do it. I doubt it will stop there and then you will be made feel bad when you stop giving.

OP you say that this sum although not significant, is not insignificant to you, so I hope that it can be used to make a difference to you in some way now, or in the future.

I do understand the pressure from family. When my sister and I inherited a few years ago she had a plan for what we should do with 50% of the money. I told her politely that she could do what she liked with her share, but I had other commitments for mine. That finished that conversation.

"A fool and her money are soon parted" comes to mind....

I'd phrase that very carefully; otherwise B might assume you mean for their mortgage and thank you profusely.

I'd tell B there was no money and you were just testing to see who the leak in the family was LOL

That translates as “Thanks for the advice, I’m gonna go ahead and knowingly do something stupid!”

As long as you realize that the asking will not stop until you have nothing left to give.

If the money will not help your life, by allowing you to pay down debt like mortgage, then let the CFers form a line to the right.

If you haven’t, as you wrote ‘got the guts to tell A what I really think of their breach of trust’ then as a starter, put person B on the spot and simply ask who told them you had come into some money? Make them feel uncomfortable and compromised.

Thank you! If you aren't going to take the multitude of advice that wisely tells you to not give money to someone for a hobby and to be angry at the other person for betraying your trust, then why post at all?

OP does not realize that if they give money for a hobby, what are they going to do when they are asked for money to pay off a debt, a medical need, help with a house deposit? I mean, after all, OP gave money to B for a damn HOBBY, so they should give it to us for OUR reasons too as they are more important!

@CFornot123 If it was your mother who betrayed your trust, so her favorite child can benefit from your money, give that thought. REAL thought. Your own mother would rather you give money to her golden child for a hobby rather than make sure you have a fallback in case of a REAL emergency.

THAT would be epic!