Is this CF or AIBU?

[CFornot123]

It’s a money one!

Recently came into some money (not insignificant to me but not significant either). I haven’t made it widely known and only told a couple of very close relatives (let’s call one of them relative A) but asked them not to tell anyone. Yesterday at Sunday lunch, relative B was telling me about a new hobby (an expensive one) they’ve decided to start but they’re struggling to afford to buy the required equipment.
This morning I got a message from relative B asking if I’d mind buying them the equipment they need for their hobby as a gift (approx 2k in all). Turns out relative A told them all about the windfall, how much and told relative B I’d buy them what they needed.
AIBU to think both A and B are out of order? I asked A not to tell anyone and had no reason to assume they would. Why should I fund B’s new expensive hobby? If they can’t afford it then choose something different? Or should I give them the money they need?

edited to add that relative B wasn’t one of the people I personally told so should not have known

I think it's the 'would you mind?' that seals this as ultra CF.

You normally use that phrase as a simple pleasantry to ask somebody for the tiniest, no-effort favour that nobody would ever actually object to: "Would you mind passing the salt?"; "Would you mind flicking the light on?"; "Would you mind if I use your loo?".

It would still have been well cheeky if they'd said "I don't suppose you'd be able to...?", "Any chance that you could...?" or "Could I ask a really big favour?", but framing it as a momentary polite phrase for 'please do this action that nobody would give a second thought about' is really something else.

Tell both of them to bugger off.

An absolute no. I wouldn’t justify the request with an answer.

Don’t even consider it, even if the relationship is close I.e parent, sibling, child.

My DM came was left a house by a distant relative. All her family were really pleased for her. All my dad’s family encouraged him to divorce her to gain half. People are crazy!

I think I would bounce all the shit back to A

A quick message to B - Im disappointed that A has broken my confidence, chosen to discuss my financial situation and outraged that A has tried to promise my money to fund your hobby.
I have already planned how the money is best invested for my/my families future and there is no room in these for any gifts or loans that I have not already decided to fund - and it is beyond cheeky to demand money from me in these or any other circumstances. (especially for such non essentials as your latest hobby)

To A - How (very fucking) dare you break my confidence and discuss my financial situation with B or indeed anyone, as well as blithely making promises of a gift on my behalf. I now understand how little you are to be trusted, and will not be having contact with you on this or any other subject until you apologize.

CFer to not even try to pretend they were asking for a loan!!! But to ask you to BUY them 2k worth of equipment 😂😂😂

This response made me scream

Thanks for replies! Pretty much confirmed what I was already thinking. I don’t want to delve into the relationships too deeply so as not to be too identifying. But, the majority of people have guessed the dynamic…
I haven’t replied yet to B and I’ll most likely agree to contribute even though I know I shouldn’t. Also don’t have to guts to tell A what I really think about their breach of trust!

Why on earth would you contribute? You will be asked to continue funding it. They should just do it themselves

Just say no, you have your own plans for the money and leave it at that

Why on earth would you contribute?? Just say NO!!

They don't need the cash for a life saving operation or a roof over their destitute heads etc....it's for a f@cking hobby!!!!!!

You're an absolute fool if you give in. The pair of them will walk all over you forevermore.

OP person B is a massive CF….they want you to gift them 2k?? Just say no. If you say yes there will be more requests for “gifts” for their hobby.

If you are going to contribute make it crystal clear that it's your birthday/Christmas gift(s).
And no way in hell would I be shelling out the 2k. Perhaps £500 if I was feeling insanely generous and my windfall was decent enough.

I wouldn't do it. Once you open the floodgates to a cheekyfucker, you're fucked.

Wow, you're a nice doormat for people to wipe their feet on.

It must be for a niece or nephew.

Yes they are CFs! I'd be well pissed off, even though my family situation is similar in that I am constantly expected to bail out my sister even though I am not exactly on megabucks.

Yes, this is pretty much a given with this kind of person.

Even if you did give them £2K, you would then be the baddie if you didn't continue to pay for all associated costs and all desired equipment upgrades.

Odds on, they don't just want the £2K from you but they're after a long-term sponsor for their shiny new expensive hobby.

Why?!

FFS.

Have a bit more self respect for your own circumstances. Do this once and what stops A or B (or C,D,E or F) coming back again and again as you are seen as an ATM

May sound harsh and I will help family if they need it, but a hobby is not a necessity and being a gossip and/or a CF is not the way to go about it

I'm shocked to think you would even be asked to fund someones hobby. I would politely decline, no reason given as this would just encourage further discussion.

With that attitude you can say goodbye to your money. They'll keep coming back until there's nothing left.

I was in a very similar situation 20 years ago. Uncle gave me money when I went to university. Told my mum (I was shocked) who then told my sibling. Sibling decided I would lend them the money for an indefinite amount of time to put towards a deposit on a house, and no interest charged. For about the only time in my life I stood up for myself and said no.

Give B a small amount if really necessary but hide the rest away. And don’t tell A anything else in the future.

OP - don't you want to save up for a house deposit, or to renovate your house, or for a great holiday? Why the actual FUCK would you give someone TWO GRAND to fund an expensive hobby that they'll give up soon as they can't afford to do it anyway? Are you INSANE?

I can understand it, saying NO is not as easy for some people, but if you do contribute, make it clear that they are having the last little bit that you have left - the rest has gone. Tell them pensions, savings bonds, somewhere inaccessible.
If you do not make your money disappear, they will help it vanish, astonishingly quickly.

No, no, no, no, no!!!!!

As I've already pointed out -

"be aware that if you were to give them so much as a brass farthing, it would be the first of many requests they'd make, until they bled you dry. Relative A has, after all, informed them of the total amount of your windfall. They'd clearly feel entitled to it all."

If you give money for hobby to B, then C will want money for a holiday, D will want money for a new computer, and on and on until X,Y and Z have bled you dry.

A fiver says B will get bored of hobby after a week and sell the two grand kit (that you paid for) and pocket the cash.

Blimey @CFornot123 if you fork out at all after this request you’ll have opened the floodgates for many others.