Is this CF or AIBU?

[CFornot123]

It’s a money one!

Recently came into some money (not insignificant to me but not significant either). I haven’t made it widely known and only told a couple of very close relatives (let’s call one of them relative A) but asked them not to tell anyone. Yesterday at Sunday lunch, relative B was telling me about a new hobby (an expensive one) they’ve decided to start but they’re struggling to afford to buy the required equipment.
This morning I got a message from relative B asking if I’d mind buying them the equipment they need for their hobby as a gift (approx 2k in all). Turns out relative A told them all about the windfall, how much and told relative B I’d buy them what they needed.
AIBU to think both A and B are out of order? I asked A not to tell anyone and had no reason to assume they would. Why should I fund B’s new expensive hobby? If they can’t afford it then choose something different? Or should I give them the money they need?

edited to add that relative B wasn’t one of the people I personally told so should not have known

I just want to know what the hobby is.

Hey OP I also need funding for mine 🤣

To be honest, for all we know, there might not even be a hobby at all - it could all be a ruse that B somehow thinks sounds more worthy than just saying "Do you mind giving me £2K - because I would very much like to have £2K?!"

Or B could have 'oversold' it by stating how much 'could/should be' spent on it by a novice, as if that is their firm plan, but with no intention to actually buy all of the costly gear. There are lots of hobbies where you can spend a fortune if you want to, but you can just as easily get by with basic second-hand equipment.

I have no words! They are so in the wrong, both of them! Hang onto your windfall and just do what you want with it

Relative A shouldn't have blabbed
Relative B shouldn't expect you to find their new hobby

Keep your money and don't give either anything!

Id say that I dont know why you are asking as I dont have ang spare cash. That I have used any cash they thought I had to pay off some things, nothing is spare and its all spent. Deoends on howbclose you are though withbthem, if my sister asked I would do it for her, or my mum for exMple I would do it.

You shouldn’t give them anything OP. If you choose to gift someone an expensive gift that if your choice, but they shouldn’t ask as there is an issue spectating that you will say yes. I suspect if you give in to this it won’t be the last thing you will be asked for and you will be expected to pick up the bill at every family occasion.

Say no enjoy your money.

Feeky chuckers, the pair of ‘em! I’d tell them to jog on.

What a cheeky fucker. Tell them you’ve blown it all on Foxy Bingo and Botox so can’t contribute!

You need to tell relative A (mum/dad) that they've been out of order telling relative B of your windfall and you need to tell relative B (golden balls sibling "waah waah waah its not fair") to get lost with the begging bowl.

Honestly CFers

Are A and B parents or siblings with you? Then although it depends on your relationship, but you can’t be mad, and you buy the stuff - making it clear that’s all they are getting.

if they are not then heck no!

The suggestions above are good but the money is still there sp they will always be after you.

I would actually say:

"THIS IS AWKWARD BUT Well I did not want to worry you A and B because you clearly put my well being first, but I had some large credit card debt / was scammed / had a huge debt to pay so I have actually used the money for that.

If you tell them you invested it, in pension etc as PPs suggest - this does not solve your problem long term as they still know you have the money and be after you.

Next time you hopefully come into money do not tell these two CFs.

Definitely this ⬆️⬆️

A is out of order for breaking your confidence.

B is totally out of order asking for money for a hobby. Asking would be cheeky enough it was for something essential or urgent but a hobby?!?!?! Taking the absolute P

when younger my dad always said “ if you can’t afford to do XYZ then you just don’t do it” therefore if B can’t afford this hobby they don’t do it. Not on you to fund them.

@CFornot123 I would suggest printing out this whole thread and give it to the pair of them, if you can't bear to say any of the things yourself. There's nothing wrong with helping out family when they need it, but no one needs to start a new hobby costing 2k. It feels like they're testing you, first by casually mentioning this new hobby to see if you would offer the cash, before outright demanding it. They clearly feel entitled to your money, and, as others have said, will carry on thinking of reasons for you to spend it on them until it's gone. You have to draw a line right now. If you were thinking of gifting some cash to your relatives anyway, decide on an amount, give every relative an exact share of it, and tell them the rest is locked away from them in your property/bonds/pension/whatever.

Tell B you’ve looked into the hobby and fancy taking it up yourself so you’ll need the money to fund that!

OP left on page 7.

Grow a pair and tell them both to get fucked. Unbelievable.

Ive only got 3 pages of this thread, where did the other 4 pages disappear

Some people (goodness knows why) don't have it set for 100 posts per page...
Then they say things like page 16 which for me isn't possible...

I have 3 pages as well... OP left on page 2 😃

It’s your money! I am wondering why you are even considering gifting such a sum to B? Person A saying you would buy B what they wanted is out of order. Person B asking for 2k gift is out of order. Have a frank discussion with A why they breached your trust. Offer to lend B the money instead of gifting it. And then go and enjoy your money anyway you like!

Absolutely bang out of order! Both CFS as far as I’m concerned!

And this is why you're in the situation you're in.
You asked A not to say anything but you're too much of a wuss to confront them so if they break your trust they feel it doesn't really matter because you wont say anything.
And B might as well ask although it's cheeky but he might as well ask because you're such a soft touch he knows you'll probably say yes.
You need to toughen up or else people are just going to walk all over you.