Is this CF or AIBU?

[CFornot123]

It’s a money one!

Recently came into some money (not insignificant to me but not significant either). I haven’t made it widely known and only told a couple of very close relatives (let’s call one of them relative A) but asked them not to tell anyone. Yesterday at Sunday lunch, relative B was telling me about a new hobby (an expensive one) they’ve decided to start but they’re struggling to afford to buy the required equipment.
This morning I got a message from relative B asking if I’d mind buying them the equipment they need for their hobby as a gift (approx 2k in all). Turns out relative A told them all about the windfall, how much and told relative B I’d buy them what they needed.
AIBU to think both A and B are out of order? I asked A not to tell anyone and had no reason to assume they would. Why should I fund B’s new expensive hobby? If they can’t afford it then choose something different? Or should I give them the money they need?

edited to add that relative B wasn’t one of the people I personally told so should not have known

Oh dear, well it’s unfortunate you’ve already maxed out your pension/ISA/investment of your choice and there’s no cash floating about isn’t it OP!
Lesson learnt not to discuss money with anyone apart from your accountant!

This - especially the last bit.

There are so many hobbies available that you could do with a small-ish amount of money - why ever would you deliberately choose one that costs £2K when you don't have £2K?!

Trainspotting: Notebook and pen (plus optional anorak from charity shop);

Bridge: Pack of playing cards;

Cycling: £40 second-hand bike;

Knitting: A few balls of wool and some needles;

Mumsnet: Any internet connection;

Pigeon-fancier: An old shed and a bag of chips (as bait);

Park-run: Some trainers, shorts and t-shirt;

Burlesque dancing: Very few clothes and a Right Said Fred CD.

So, so, so many very cheap options out there...

What? Why??

Loving your list.

The fact that you are asking if you should give this money is telling, as it should be a clear no. I'm guessing it's to do with the relationship you are doubting yourself?

They'll be developing a coke habit next on the basis that you can pay for it, and then will blame you when this backfires on them.

Families eh, who'd 'ave 'em 🤷🏽‍♀️

As many have already said. "No", neither A nor B deserve one penny of YOUR money. And yes, both are massive CFers!

If B cannot afford the set-up for the hobby, they won't be able to afford to do the hobby in the long run. A was a turd for telling B and making promises that A cannot keep.

From now on, you can realize that neither A nor B really care much about anything but themselves and A, especially, cannot be trusted.

The money will be there for YOU when YOU need it. Having money put aside for private medical (in case it's needed), repairs to a car or a new car, home repairs or just for the future is reassuring and can make you less stressed. If A or B received money, I doubt they would be giving you a substantial sum.

Can you at least tell us who the "close relatives" are in general terms.

I didn't think about if one was your spouse and one was a child. I just assumed they were your siblings. I am probably totally wrong. 🤔

We don't know it's an inheritance, a lottery win, the sale of a piece of art, or any of a dozen other things (casino win, bet win, gift).

I hope the OP's come back and tell us a bit more.

Maybe if they desperately needed some surgery that they had to wait on the nhs for then maybe- but for a hobby!!!!!! My gast is well and truly flabbered! Both absolutely out of order- esp a to spill beans and freely say yes you would pay! Dreadful behaviour

OP, I’d like to take up wind-surfing. I can get all the gear for about £2K. I’ll PM you with my bank account details if you don’t mind. Thanks in anticipation.

'Fuck no' is a complete sentence.

I wouldn't even do this, unless you are perhaps the mother of Relative B!

I wouldn't dream of asking ANYONE to buy me 2K worth of equipment for a hobby I just decided I wanted to do. Convenient timing for them to suddenly become duper interested in this very expensive hobby.

No @CFornot123 . Just no. No explanation needed.

Perfect !

Or just say - sorry I've invested it all now in a locked shares account that I can't touch for a year.

I'd also tell Relative A that you are disappointed that you'd ask them not to tell anyone and they did.

Tell them you've bet it on the Tories getting in.

How about some hobbies for the under 60s

Goals 🤣
I particularly like 🐦 fancier

Tell both, money a lot less than expected after taxes. You now cleared you debts, topped up pension and gave rest to a Cat Welfare Charity in dead relative name. None left and do they want to join you for 5k fun run for Cat charity.

Nope to the hobby money, tell friend A you will never trust her again stay well clear, tell friend B youve invested it so cant buy them anything.

You appear to have me mixed up with a bank

Both are CFs.

Stick your your guns. Don't pay out.

Why should she give them anything????

You’ve had two lessons.
1 - never tell anyone you’ve come into money!
2 - you can’t trust A

Just say no. Don’t give any excuses!

Absolutely not would be my answer, how bloody rude to hint like they did by mentioning it, and then to message you afterwards. So rude.

I would either
A: Ignore the message & if they bring it up again say you assumed they'd sent the message in error.
or
B: Reply and say no. You don't need to give a reason. Your money & what you do with it is absolutely none of their business.

Then I would contact A and ask why they felt the need to not only share something you had asked to be kept private, but also why they had suggested to B that you would buy them anything if they asked.

Cheeky feckers!