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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be suprised at Butlins and their lack of neurodiverse awareness?

410 replies

GreenPhlem · 27/05/2024 08:14

have just left Butlins. Will hopefully never go back.

We were visiting with our autistic 3 year old grandaughter.

Not one mention of “autism friendly” shows anywhere. Every thing we attempted was too loud and in your face, even with ear defenders on granddaughter was struggling. You would have thought a place like Butlins would put on at least one autism friendly show a day but nope … nothing.

We took her to the tots disco last night - was meant to start at 6pm so we got there for 6pm knowing DGD will struggle to wait for something to happen … 6:05pm and nothing is happening - DGD getting restless and wants to leave. 6:10 the redcoat comes on and says the kids disco will start in about 15 minutes. No chance we could keep DGD happy for another 15 minutes so we had to leave. As we were leaving he said something about another show that would be happening at 7:30 unless the PJ masks photo shoot goes on for too long then that activity will be cancelled!! God forbid they miss out on money making photographs

Swimming - you now have to book a time slot. We booked 11am. 11:05 were still in a queue outside in the rain. When we eventually get in the changing rooms are so packed out (as everyone is going in and leaving at the same time) that DGD gets overwhelmed and shuts down. Nowhere quiet to take her … no thought to neurodiversity

Took her to soft play. I booked her into the toddler area as she would struggle being around the big loud hyper kids. I was told she was too tall for the toddler area and have to go into the big kids area. A small, timid autistic girl going into the big kids area with 10/11 year old kids flying around screaming and shouting?? Was never going to work so we left (DGD was already starting to have a meltdown as soon as she saw the chaos of the big kids area).

Is it just me or what?? Surely a place like Butlins should factor in that some kids may require a bit of reasonable adjustment?

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 27/05/2024 08:16

I think you are being unreasonable for taking a child to a place like this when you knew she would struggle

There will always be queues and noise in places that are set up like this

Its not about them being more aware, what do you expect them to do?

ManilowBarry · 27/05/2024 08:19

A resort like that is going to be loud.

Why would they have autism friendly shows when their aim has always been to have loud fun!

It's not a place for anyone who is sound sensitive.

Scottishshortbread11877 · 27/05/2024 08:19

All establishments cannot cater to everyone's needs. The onus is on your as the visitor to check the place out to ensure it meets your individual needs. You can't keep everyone happy. For example, if someone had cancer treatment and needed everywhere to ensure it was free from people with cough/cold due to low white blood cells, places cannot cater to that. If I have an extreme peanut allergy it is up to me to ensure the places I attend are suitable. If I needed 24/7 oxygen I would need to assess if the venue was suitable, ie no smoking, fire pit etc.

Roundroundthegarden · 27/05/2024 08:19

Why on earth take her there? It's busy, half term, packed, queues and lots of children who are loud and don't know anything other than being excitable .and you also sound very impatient with everything.

Lougle · 27/05/2024 08:20

I think, tbh, that if a child is already diagnosed with ASD at 3, they must be quite obviously autistic. It's unfortunate, but you need to check out the situation beforehand and work out if it's going to work for your child. Even 'ASD friendly' setups tend to have blind spots and don't realise that elements of their environment are very much non friendly.

I do empathise. I left many events exhausted and dispirited when DD1 was 3. I did get better at working out what was worth the stress.

GentlemanJohnny · 27/05/2024 08:20

Why on earth would you take such a child to Butlins of all places? YABU.

ZipZapZoom · 27/05/2024 08:20

I think the problem is you booking somewhere completely unsuitable for your granddaughter rather than Butlins not being autism aware.

With place like Butlins of course there will be times you have to queue and they can't just change the rules to suit you in places like the soft play because that will be unfair and impact others.

I think in general you just didn't research properly and even if the disco had been on time or you hadn't had to queue at the pool the holiday seems to be unsuitable for the needs of those attending.

AnotherCountryMummy · 27/05/2024 08:20

I'm sorry, but I agree with PP. Did you not know what Butlins would be like?

Maybe try Centerparcs next time if you like organised fun types of holidays - it's much calmer and slower.

Original poster
GreenPhlem · 27/05/2024 08:20

PickledPurplePickle · 27/05/2024 08:16

I think you are being unreasonable for taking a child to a place like this when you knew she would struggle

There will always be queues and noise in places that are set up like this

Its not about them being more aware, what do you expect them to do?

What I expect them to do is to put on at least one show a day that is neurodiverse friendly … the cinemas manage it. Less flashing lights, volume turned down etc

To make exceptions at soft play for neurodiversity. It’s not all about how tall a child is. That is common sense.

The swimming thing was a complete farce which ever way you look at it

OP posts:
Ace56 · 27/05/2024 08:21

Sorry but it’s up to you to know if there are places your GD might struggle and to avoid them. I agree it might be nice for them to put on an autism-friendly show, but they’re under no obligation to.

VestibuleVirgin · 27/05/2024 08:21

Sorry, but yabu taking her to a Butlins. No-one ever has reported a quiet time at such a place!
Did you not do some reseach before you booked? If waiting is an issue for your GD, why book a holiday where activity slots (such as swimming) are timed? You must know that such things will inevitably over-run.
It is lovely that you take your GD on holiday, just fine somewhere morexsuited for her needs. The entire Butlins ship cannot turn everything around for a small per centage of the population

LlynTegid · 27/05/2024 08:23

I'm not surprised sadly. Cheap and cheerful if that is the right description is likely to mean that there is no thought for some potential holidaymakers.

Sirzy · 27/05/2024 08:23

It is impossible to make somewhere meet the needs of everyone. Ds is autistic and I would never have taken him somewhere like Butlins because I knew he wouldn’t cope.

It’s hard, especially when they are young but you need to find what works for your child. You can ask for some reasonable adjustments along the way but you can’t expect whole venues to change their model for one child.

MartinsSpareCalculator · 27/05/2024 08:23

Did they advertise having any of those things when you booked? If they didn't then I can't really see why you'd assume they did.

I'd have thought places like Butlins would always be busy and noisy as it's the sort of place that caters for small children.

I'm also not sure having a child who's too tall for a toddler section in the toddler section of a soft play would be fair to the toddlers, as there's more potential for them to be hurt.

I'm sorry that your granddaughter struggled with the environment, but it's really on whoever chose it.

Morph22010 · 27/05/2024 08:24

My sons is autistic and we’ve been to Butlins quite a few times over the years, it’s not particularly autism friendly at all but I don’t think any busy holiday places are so don’t think they are any different in that respect. Minehead had an autism friendly section of the arcade last year but that’s all I’ve ever seen. Mine didn’t manage the shows at all, wouldn’t even go in until he was about 7 or 8 now he’s a teenager and will happily sit through some shows. We used to mainly go to the play area outside the pub when he was little and he also liked the little fair when thst was open.

Pickled21 · 27/05/2024 08:24

I don't think it is too much to ask that at least one of the shows a day is for kids with sen. I also think one or two slots for swimming should be quieter sessions.

However the onus was on you to research before you thrust your grandchild into a situation she couldn't cope with. Just because butlins is catered for families doesn't mean it would be suitable for her. The noise for instance would be a given. Some of the issues you experienced were due to their poor time management and you absolutely should leave feedback with regards to that, I'd also leave a review so other families with sen children csn consider whether that particular site is right for their family.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 27/05/2024 08:24

Hmmm. Is there really such a thing as "autism-friendly" in such a broad sense? I mean, autistic people and autistic kids of different ages will struggle with different things.

I think Butlins would be unwise to start billing things as "autism-friendly," as inevitably it will be wrong for some autistic people, and then they will get complaints about that from families who have booked for that reason and now feel disappointed.

Agree with PP that something like Centerparc (though pricy!) might be better, if you need somewhere with more quiet and space.

GiganticArkReadywithHottub · 27/05/2024 08:24

Not disputing your experience OP, but my bestie and her autistic child love Butlins. Why is that important? Well because if you've met one autistic child, you've met one autistic child.
I think your points are valid. Can you send what you've written here in an email to them?

SarahSosej · 27/05/2024 08:24

Butlins is noisy. I see non neurodiverse children struggling with the noise levels so I agree they could adjust that. I take my loops to block out the noise.

the pool can be bonkers. Could you go term time when it’s quieter or is that not an option?

DreamingOfItAll · 27/05/2024 08:24

GreenPhlem · 27/05/2024 08:20

What I expect them to do is to put on at least one show a day that is neurodiverse friendly … the cinemas manage it. Less flashing lights, volume turned down etc

To make exceptions at soft play for neurodiversity. It’s not all about how tall a child is. That is common sense.

The swimming thing was a complete farce which ever way you look at it

Show quote history

If you want them to consider being more ND friendly, then contact them and suggest it.

Scottishshortbread11877 · 27/05/2024 08:24

@GreenPhlem is that not a really entitled point of view though? Not meaning to sound like a prick but you can't seriously expect all venues to cater to your specific family's needs? Every family has different requirements, what makes you think butlins should have made adjustments to suit your individual needs? It advertises what they offer so you obviously accepted that would be ok when you booked? Sorry, I just think you're coming across as really entitled and small minded?

WestminsterCrimes · 27/05/2024 08:25

I'm ND as are my children. I suppose I'd never take them to somewhere like Butlins and I would assume even if they did make some adjustments that the number of people and the types of activities would just never work for us. We swim but we go at unpopular times at our pool or head to beaches that aren't busy in the summer. All of us would hate any kind of disco.

We actually don't do holidays but I'm sure you could get some suggestions on here of types of holidays you might consider with a ND child. Some autistic people don't like holidays at all and would be better off at home with some extra time for their special interests. Or perhaps a holiday focussed on a special interest.

holidays camps are very much about jollying along all together and are bound to be loud and overwhelming

WimpoleHat · 27/05/2024 08:26

The thing that strikes me about your post is that you’re equating “suitable for neurodiversity” and “suitable for my granddaughter”. My friend’s son is autistic and would have a completely different set of issues and needs. And the soft play thing is a safety issue; it really is. Take my friend’s son, for example, who is a lovely, kind boy - but is tall and solidly built. If he collided with a toddler, there could be a serious injury. So I don’t think they can make those kind of exceptions in a busy, public space. I’m sorry you didn’t have a good holiday, though. Hopefully next time you’ll be forewarned and forearmed and will be able to find somewhere better for you all.

Goslingsforlife · 27/05/2024 08:26

has it only just occured to you how challenging it is for those with ASD at times????

and yabu for taking her to the sensory hell that places like Butlins can be.

fashionqueen0123 · 27/05/2024 08:27

How old was the toddler area for? If it was for babies or non walkers then a 3 year old probably is too big but I can see why she is also probably a bit young to be in with older ones having said that we go to a soft play where my 10 year old quite happily gets along with younger ones but she is very careful of them.

Stuff shows being delayed is annoying but that’s life. We have to teach them how to deal with it. Could you take her for a walk or something while waiting? I’m not sure I’d expect a special show because there may not be enough people.

The pool - that is annoying being let in late. Changing rooms can be loud and echoey. So I can sympathise with you there but so many companies have brought in booking slots and it is a pain.

I agree with the above try Center parcs. They don’t have loud shows and it’s all pretty quiet!