To be suprised at Butlins and their lack of neurodiverse awareness?

[GreenPhlem]

have just left Butlins. Will hopefully never go back.

We were visiting with our autistic 3 year old grandaughter.

Not one mention of “autism friendly” shows anywhere. Every thing we attempted was too loud and in your face, even with ear defenders on granddaughter was struggling. You would have thought a place like Butlins would put on at least one autism friendly show a day but nope … nothing.

We took her to the tots disco last night - was meant to start at 6pm so we got there for 6pm knowing DGD will struggle to wait for something to happen … 6:05pm and nothing is happening - DGD getting restless and wants to leave. 6:10 the redcoat comes on and says the kids disco will start in about 15 minutes. No chance we could keep DGD happy for another 15 minutes so we had to leave. As we were leaving he said something about another show that would be happening at 7:30 unless the PJ masks photo shoot goes on for too long then that activity will be cancelled!! God forbid they miss out on money making photographs

Swimming - you now have to book a time slot. We booked 11am. 11:05 were still in a queue outside in the rain. When we eventually get in the changing rooms are so packed out (as everyone is going in and leaving at the same time) that DGD gets overwhelmed and shuts down. Nowhere quiet to take her … no thought to neurodiversity

Took her to soft play. I booked her into the toddler area as she would struggle being around the big loud hyper kids. I was told she was too tall for the toddler area and have to go into the big kids area. A small, timid autistic girl going into the big kids area with 10/11 year old kids flying around screaming and shouting?? Was never going to work so we left (DGD was already starting to have a meltdown as soon as she saw the chaos of the big kids area).

Is it just me or what?? Surely a place like Butlins should factor in that some kids may require a bit of reasonable adjustment?

Our just 2.5 year old daughter with cerebral palsy was recently hurt by an almost four year old with additional needs in the toddler area of our local soft play. Height restrictions in soft play are there for a reason, there were babies from six months old, its just very very lucky they weren’t the ones hurt. When removed the child was significantly above both the age and height limit.

I don’t know any cinema that does an autism friendly showing everyday, and our son has a hearing impairment so we very much notice when different showings are offered.

Swimming sessions will always be busy when multiple people have the same start time. You’re better to be a bit late so most people have already changed and entered the pool etc.

I think you're being YABU - sorry! You should NEVER assume that autism-friendly activities will be available during a busy half-term. This will be a key week for Butlins to make money and they're going to put on the kind of activities that do that - not a quiet hour/disco/swim that would probably be poorly attended. In future, always call in advance and check that things you book with your DGD are going to be suitable.

I think that you are allowed to just not like things, ND or NT, and Butlin's sounds like hell to me - everyone crammed in like sardines, constant noise. Just put it down to a learning experience and vote with your wallet- go somewhere else next time.

Which Butlins? You don't book swimming or soft play at any of them ones I've been to. 🤔

My autistic DS wouldn't have coped with Butlins at that age. We've been going now since he was 11 & he has some self-awareness and can recognise when he will struggle. He will come and watch shows with us but sit with his phone and headphones on...often with his back to the stage! He will dip in and out of the fun but knows his limits. One of us is always prepared to leave with him if necessary.
Last year he wanted to go on a slide at the pool so we queued. After 10 minutes he said he couldn't wait any more so we went back into the pool. We said we'd check the queue next time, but agreed to visit our local leisure centre so he can do slides soon (SEN friendly session).
Generally we do Butlins once a year and our other holidays are much lower key in terms of quiet caravan/lodge accommodation and alternate busy and relaxed days. We don't expect places to make accommodations but appreciate it when they do, and we research pretty much every day out to make sure he can cope. Ultimately the majority of people are not neurodiverse, and a holiday disco without flashing lights, pyrotechnics and loud music is going to be a disappointment to that majority and result in more complaints than a handful from families with ND members who didn't pick their day out/holiday more carefully.

YABU!
I have a son who is autistic. I check before we book places that they will be suitable. If they aren’t, we don’t go.

I wouldn’t even consider taking him to a disco at a family holiday resort. Doesn’t need spelling out what it’s going to be like!

Perhaps you could send an email to someone at their head office with some adjustments you think could be made so the parks could be more autism friendly. Some of it may be a lack of awareness but some of it may be that they’ve considered it and concluded they can’t feasibly make the adjustments. Either way, there’s no harm in flagging it in a balanced way. If enough people ask for the adjustments, it may encourage Butlins to make those changes.

If it was this weekend you were there then I think it was always going to be busy and noisy with it being a bank holiday and half term, so it may possibly have been a bit less chaotic at a different time.

Sorry your weekend wasn’t ask you’d hoped.

I think this is entirely on you for not checking if it was a suitable holiday for your child. You feel guilty that your child had a stressful time and are looking to blame someone other than yourself.

There are autistic friendly activities, there are crafts, little sport activities, walks, bikes. You took a sensory sensitive kid to a disco, swimming pool and softplay. Literally the loudest, busiest places you could find.

What could a swimming pool possibly provide for autisic people to hide away from the noise? Obviously it was packed when everyone was entering, you should have got there late when everyone else had gone in. Same for the disco, if you don't want to wait, be late.

Why should your bigger child be able to be a danger to the toddlers becuase you think she's too special to rough it with the kids her own size. Autisic kids are classically (I am autistic, this is not disablist) rougher, less observant of other kids around them, less controlled, they are less likely to not hurt the toddlers accidentally.

You expect one autism friendly show a day? At Butlins? You are being utterly ridiculous.

Ok I’ll accept I’m being unreasonable. I guess I’m just a bit precious about my DGD - she’s my absolute world and I am guilty of thinking she’s the centre of the universe 😂

I’m thinking for next year I’ll just book a lodge in a forest - she absolutely adores forests and from that base we can do day trips out to castles/farms/beaches etc

In hindsight I don’t know what I was thinking when I booked Butlins, we used to go as kids and loved it but obviously I don’t factor in that she isnt me bless her heart.

im still going to mention it in the reviews though.

In my experience “autism friendly” in a lot of cases is just a marketing ploy, where there is a time of the day that is particularly quiet or a place tends to get no customers like 9am on a Sunday morning for example, they promote as autism friendly, perhaps turn the music down or off and get customers in when they would otherwise have no customers. Butlins is a holiday place so busy all the time and doesn’t have these quiet periods they need to fill.

of course there are some places thst gave genuine autism friendly sessions but they are few and far between

Butlins isn't really suitable for children who don't like enforced noise and fun. (We would never in a million years do it).
You need somewhere calmer like a forest holiday park.

Skegness

Remember no matter the child, for an adult places like butlins are always hell on earth!

im still going to mention it in the reviews though.

Why mention it in the review. You've admitted you didn't plan or research or consider your granddaughters needs but you still feel it's Butlins fault?

No where is obliged to be autism aware for goodness sake and certainly not an activity (going to Butlins) where its very noisy, busy, in your face, fast paced etc

Part of the pool has been broken at both Skegness and minehead so has reduced capacity so they introduced booking sessions

I have two with asd.

1. Expecting a neurodiverse showing every day is unrealistic. Most big cinema complexes manage one a week or even a month max of something very popular only.
2. Soft play. If she is three she obviously needed to be in with the toddlers unless she is over the correct age. You need to check out the rules before you go.
3. Swimming and queuing. This is one area where they could abd should be helping. In future you need to ask to speak to someone when you arrive and explain or do it in advance via email. Sometimes people will help and allow you to go straight in or will let you arrive a bit later after the rush.

Ultimately taking a child with asd out is hard. You need to investigate everything before you go. You need to weigh up whether it is suitable and what adjustments the venue will make if you ask in advance. I am sympathetic but I think if you go just expecting the autism friendly experience you will be disappointed.

Which resort did you try? The three are not the same, despite having similar facilities. We did Bognor once and will probably never go again, but we go to Minehead every year and love it.

I know you say you'll never go back, but if you can manage a term time break rather than a half term break, I highly recommend it. The difference is night and day - we had to do half term breaks for a bit while I was teaching and it is intensely busy in comparison to term time breaks where everything feels a bit calmer, a bit less frantic. Going Monday to Friday is also a bit less hectic (and usually cheaper) than a weekend, if you can.

Avoid the enclosed spaces like Reds and Centre Stage, they get busy and loud and dark quickly. The Skyline is open and calmer (this is on a term time break).

The earlier in the day you can go to entertainment sessions, the quieter they'll be. People do all their swimming and activities in the day and then their entertainment at night.

Term time swimming at Minehead is usually free flow, and they advertise the quieter time as after 3pm but we've always found it's usually around lunchtime.

I hope some of this is useful if you do decide to try again.

So that other neurodiverse families don’t make the same mistake

I’m a parent of an autistic child. I sympathise that it’s difficult.

You are completely unreasonable to expect them to bend the soft play rules - it’s a safety (and probably insurance) issue. She’s too big and could inadvertently hurt a smaller child.

Expecting a quiet swimming changing room at Butlins at half term is just not realistic. I have been known to use the disabled facilities for DS, but often that’s no quieter. It’s just part and parcel of the activity - the pool will be loud too. I don’t see what they did wrong - the timing was never going to be to the minute.

Autism friendly shows are a nice thought but unless they actually advertised having these again I think you’re unreasonable expecting it.

Basically Butlins isn’t a sensible place to take your granddaughter and I don’t think they can make the adjustments she’d need - there’s absolutely loads of other options, I hope you find somewhere you all enjoy next time.

Butlins is always going to horrendous in the holidays. My dc are NT but I always go in trm time and take them out of school.

Maybe try a haven , they're a bit more civilised. But still, go in term time while you can!

Why would they? Surely the onus is on those with members of their family who are ND to do the research?

I honestly just can't understand how you can think any of this is Butlins fault?

Butlins is not the place for the majority of children with autism . I say that as a parent, who has a child with autism and has been to Butlins numerous times.

YABU to lay the blame at Butlins door . I am curious as to why you would take your DGD to a place that you know will cause her undue stress, which is is totally unfair on her.

Have a look at places like Center Parcs and other such forest holidays if that’s what she likes. I last went to Center Parcs about 10 years ago but seem to remember it being quite calm, big open spaces, not overly crowded etc.

We’ve been to Butlins Bognor Regis about 6 times and it would be hell for anyone affected by noise, crowds, waiting in lines etc. A staff member once told us that at peak times they can have around 5000 people on site, so can you imagine trying to find the space and time in their schedule for autism friendly activities, soft play sessions, and movies/theatre shows? It’s just not possible.