Would your husband…

[Sunflower8710]

I had accidentally put something in the dustbin today, needed it before bed (11:30) I told my husband who told me to go get it. It’s pitch black, almost midnight and the bin is at the end of the drive.

Would your husband ask you to go retrieve the item or would he go get it?

@Startrekkeruniverse genuine question- what do you do in the middle of winter when it’s dark by 4pm?

If OP had said "I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself….but having been followed by creepy men on three separate occasions I have a fear of being outside on my own after dark" and that was why she had asked her husband to do it, I am pretty sure she wouldn't have had such a high YABU @Startrekkeruniverse . Can you not understand that other posters on here don't feel like you? I'm not frightened to go out in my own garden in the dark and I don't think I'm terribly unusual or lucky. And I have had my own experiences with creeps over the years.

I don't think it's so much a pissing contest as incredulity that in this day and age there is still this feeble female attitude from some posters. And there have been a fair few of these "would your DH do this for you...?" type posts on MN.

@Startrekkeruniverse but you're bemused by women not asking their partners, when they've stated they're clearly able to do it themselves?

Why are you bemused?

Just because you won't do it, which is irrational, why are you bemused by other women doing it themselves?

I don’t think I’m feeble, I’m just protecting myself from feeling unsafe like I have done before. If you think I am then that’s fine, I’m feeble I guess. 🙏 I’ll continue to not walk out in the dark on my own.

So would you never ask your husband to eg make you a cup of tea? Because you’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself?

If the bin was full enough that I didn't need to tip it to retrieve something I would get it without even asking him.

If I needed to look for a while or tip the bin, he would help me in whatever way I needed.

I wouldn't ask him to do it himself because it's my mistake

@Startrekkeruniverse do you work? Do you come home in the dark in winter? Do you never meet friends after dark? Never shop after dark?

Also, I’m not bemused by other women doing it themselves. I’m bemused at some posters indicating that they’d never ask their partner to do it for them, as if it’s **such a massive drain on his time and resources to do something small for his wife/girlfriend.

My bin day is tomorrow. Like a PP, I have no husband to ask/coerce so I'd have to do it myself. In fact I have just out my rubbish out in the dark and rain.

I’d ask my dh to come out and hold the torch so that I could retrieve the item. And he’d do this.

places are different at midnight though. Some more isolated places are completely unlit and properly pitch black. Others in cities are lit up like a Christmas tree. So it depends really.

Yes and as I’ve stated above I’ve been followed on 3 separate occasions when out on my own after dark. Hence me not being mad keen on going out on my own after dark if possible. Fucking shoot me 🤣

@Startrekkeruniverse I would! But you're asking because you can't do something? Then you're bemused that others wouldn't ask? Like everyone should have your issues?

Because they don't need to, they can do it themselves, therefore don't be bemused?

Well I suppose this is what some DH's are for although mostly in the end it's this sort of thing that is indicative of a future split; generally one person or the other gets sick of being a 'slave', 'baby machine', whatever.

Can't see I would expect anyone to go out and retrieve something from a bin when I was the dumbshit that threw it away but then these 'silly games' can be what a few 'couples' get their rocks off on.

Also, I’m not bemused by other women doing it themselves. I’m bemused at some posters indicating that they’d never ask their partner to do it for them, as if it’s such a massive drain on his time and resources to do something small for his wife/girlfriend.

Not seen anyone say it's a massive drain, do point me to the post though. Like you say it's a small thing, so I can do it myself.

@Startrekkeruniverse

He'd get it if I asked but I wouldn't ask, because I've got legs and arms and all that's required to get it myself including the ability to be a big girl.

You’re missing my point. If posters feel happy going outside on their own after dark then that’s great. I’m talking about those posters who made it sound like even if they wanted to they couldn’t possibly ask their other half to do something like go outside to the driveway for them.

@Startrekkeruniverse whatever, but I think it's illogical that you won't go to the end of your drive after dark.

🤷‍♀️

I didn't say you were feeble @Startrekkeruniverse. I said if OP had given your scenario I would expect posters to be more positive.

Some posters don't respond well to the 'feeble female attitude' sometimes given on MN which we should well and truly be done with IMO.

I think by relating the OP's question to your specific expectations and limitations you are in danger of derailing the thread.

I never said it was logical! Again, that’s not the question in the OP.

Bigger crimes than derailing a thread I guess. Crime of the century is apparently asking someone to do something for me 😉 have a good night all, off to ask DH to retrieve something from a skip x

It's not a 'cup of tea' is it? It's expecting him to do something vaguely unpleasant because you've cocked up and you want the item now.

But thinking about it, I don't think I ever have asked OH to make me a cup of tea! We've offered but not asked.

It's not the Crime of the Century it's just a bit wet unless you have a good reason (which you have said you have) and not a very feminist attitude.

yes, if we are both watching tv I wont say to DH or him to me ''can you make me a cup of tea" if we are making one we may ask ""Can you make me one while you at it"

sure we may do favours for each other but neither of us needs to specifically ask the other for something we are capable of doing ourselves

If I was married I'd do the same as I would anyway - say "Oh shit, that was stupid" and go and get the thing.

I probably wouldn't ask him! I know that if I did, he would offer to do it, but I think that's not fair - so i wouldn't ask