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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would your husband…

415 replies

Sunflower8710 · 26/05/2024 23:55

I had accidentally put something in the dustbin today, needed it before bed (11:30) I told my husband who told me to go get it. It’s pitch black, almost midnight and the bin is at the end of the drive.

Would your husband ask you to go retrieve the item or would he go get it?

OP posts:
Luio · 27/05/2024 08:18

I would get it. My husband would get it if I had a broken leg or there was some other reason why I was incapable. He would probably hate doing it more than me. There are many other things he would definitely do for me though.

MartinsSpareCalculator · 27/05/2024 08:19

My husband would offer if I mentioned it but I don't see that I would because I'm capable of walking to the end of a driveway myself. My legs don't fall off after dark or anything.

Why don't you have a security light if its so pitch black that you're incapacitated by it?

MrHowardsPears · 27/05/2024 08:21

Mine would go and get it but then he is 6'3" and built like a rugby player, you could bodily lift me. Although an area near us isn't that dodgy but a woman was bricked over the head multiple times and raped in a fucking front garden. CCTV shockingly shows caught it all from a distance.

It depends where you live and what the end of the drive is like. Some have short gardens/drives others have 8ft hedges and can conceal a lot. Some taxis drivers have got out of their car so they can see I get to my front door due to how private the entrance to my drive is.

Cailin66 · 27/05/2024 08:21

My husband would go if I asked him. I don’t like the street in the dark, but now my husband is unable to go I no longer can ask him to. It’s one of the nice things about a marriage that you do nice things for each other.

BalloonSlayer · 27/05/2024 08:22

Our bins are collected on Bank Holidays. I live in a large county.

RedHelenB · 27/05/2024 08:23

Sunflower8710 · 26/05/2024 23:55

I had accidentally put something in the dustbin today, needed it before bed (11:30) I told my husband who told me to go get it. It’s pitch black, almost midnight and the bin is at the end of the drive.

Would your husband ask you to go retrieve the item or would he go get it?

I'd expect to get it myself as I was the one who mistakenly put it there.

geoger · 27/05/2024 08:24

I’d probably go myself but, why not just wait until the morning?

BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 27/05/2024 08:27

I would do it but ask DH because I'm a lazy fucker.

Otherstories2002 · 27/05/2024 08:30

If he spills a plate of food do you clean it up for him?

StormingNorman · 27/05/2024 08:30

Frogpole · 27/05/2024 07:46

Good grief, do women really despise each other this much? Why are you lot sicking your Chihuahuas on people like @Startrekkeruniverse (who I've never talked to and isn't known to me, for clarity)? Why are so many of you seething in uncontrollable rage because someone has a different life experience or opinion than your own?

What's the obsession with tearing each other down, and this race to the bottom competition of "durr, my husband hasn't emptied the bin since the battle of Hastings so you should delete your post!!!ONE!1!ELeVEN!!1".

For reference, if Mrs Frogpole put something in the bin then realised she needed it there wouldn't be a moment's though or discussion, I'd just go and get it - not that she's incapable or even phased about getting her hands dirty, it's just not a very nice job and I'd rather do it myself so she doesn't have to. When we've heard a noise in the night I go and look to see what it is.. because I couldn't just lay there waiting to see if anything bad happens to her, and also because there's a 18" difference in height between us and a 150lb weight difference, at which point it's just a matter of utility.

Whilst I'm sure that makes me guilty of itsism and means I'm an ismist, you really shouldn't be acting this way to each other. This isn't the oppression Olympics.

The feeble female stereotype does us all down and posts like the OP’s perpetuate the idea that women are less capable/more vulnerable than men. And this outdated stereotype creates problems in every area of life from promotions at work to being seen as targets for violence.

Women are annoyed by women who perpetuate the myth that we are delicate little creatures that need big strong men to rescue us from life’s unpleasant or difficult situations.

It has nothing to do with whether partners are able or willing to help.

DilemmaDelilah · 27/05/2024 08:31

My husband would get it, but not until morning.

CharlotteRumpling · 27/05/2024 08:32

I wouldn't ask because I live in a safe area.

Iwasafool · 27/05/2024 08:34

It wouldn't even occur to me that he should do it, my mistake so I'd go and get it if I needed it.

Shodan · 27/05/2024 08:34

Samlewis96 · 27/05/2024 08:11

Bank holiday Monday so bins won't be collected today

Show quote history

Our bins get collected on a Bank Holiday. The only time the service is disrupted is around Christmas, when all collections are made the day after the Bank Holiday.

As for the question in the OP- I wouldn't ask DP to get the thing, but he'd almost certainly offer. He'd probably come with me anyway, tbh.

Starzinsky · 27/05/2024 08:36

You put it in the bin and need to retrieve it. What's your husband got to do with it.

Mothership4two · 27/05/2024 08:37

That's great that you would @Frogpole but I'm not sure what thread you are reading where posters are raging, despising and tearing each other down?

I do find it a tad odd to avoid going into your own garden in the dark. As some other posters have pointed out it gets dark by 4 in the Winter - I'd find that a very difficult way to live. And if you are on your own are you stuffed? If there is a good reason for not going out such as you live in a dodgy area (where neither of you should go) or have some sort of fear, such as the poster you mentioned, then that's obviously different, but the OP didn't say that.

I know OH would go if I asked, but it would genuinely not occur to me to ask him. I can do it, so I'd just do it. I don't see why I would shove my 'not very nice job' onto him - in fact I think it would be a bit mean to do so.

I find it a bit depressing that in this day an age there is still this attitude about what women can and can't/will and won't cope with.

loupiots · 27/05/2024 08:37

He would do it if I asked but he'd be very grumbly about it.

I'd just wait till the morning and do it myself tbh.

We have a bin shed and I absolutely hate going in there even during daylight - no chance I'm rooting around for something when it's dark outside.

Lou98x · 27/05/2024 08:38

Some of these replies are absolutely wild!

Of course I’d be able to get it myself, (I am a strong independent woman after all!), but my husband would still go and get it for me with little prompting, (i.e. “oh no I think it threw such and such in the outside bin!”, “do you want me to go and get it for you?”) because that is the kind of man he is!

And how some of you have never asked your husband for a cup of tea (when you are capable of doing it yourself 😱) is baffling 😂

Conniebygaslight · 27/05/2024 08:38

My husband would definitely go, I wouldn’t need to ask.

Rookangaroo4 · 27/05/2024 08:39

If I asked him he’d go and get it but I wouldn’t ask him to.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 27/05/2024 08:40

StormingNorman · 27/05/2024 00:08

Don’t be so bloody feeble.

Hahaaaa exactly!

MontezumasPuma · 27/05/2024 08:40

DH would go and get it if I mentioned it but I’d go myself. TBH I love being out in the dark. Can’t imagine why you wouldn’t go yourself unless you live somewhere dangerous. How long is your drive, miles?

Trunkybum · 27/05/2024 08:41

Notthatcatagain · 27/05/2024 00:28

It's a bank holiday this week

Show quote history

Our bins still get collected on bank holidays.

but maybe, just maybe that’s where they keep their bins.

maybe they use them as a blockade against all the baddies who are hanging around outside their drive at 11.30pm just waiting for their moment to strike.

MrsMammy · 27/05/2024 08:42

5128gap · 27/05/2024 08:16

No. He'd go. He does all that type of thing. Anything dirty, heavy, dark or unpleasant, never a question in his mind that I'd do it. And there is no way I'm going to insist otherwise on principle.

Same here. All those types of jobs are his to do and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 27/05/2024 08:42

He might.

No reason why you couldn't go yourself though.