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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would your husband…

415 replies

Sunflower8710 · 26/05/2024 23:55

I had accidentally put something in the dustbin today, needed it before bed (11:30) I told my husband who told me to go get it. It’s pitch black, almost midnight and the bin is at the end of the drive.

Would your husband ask you to go retrieve the item or would he go get it?

OP posts:
Chely · 28/05/2024 11:08

I wouldn't ask him to go. I go out to the bins at all hours, can take the dog but she eats cat shit when I do.

StormingNorman · 28/05/2024 11:12

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Calm down, hun. You’re becoming hysterical and not making sense. At this point you are completely divorced from reality.

bananaramaterry · 28/05/2024 11:14

@Frogpole

maybe I'll come back tomorrow and make you all fall in love with me even more xcx

Oh please do!

I'll order in more popcorn 🍿, you're worth it!

TheDumpling · 28/05/2024 11:15

I'd just go and get it myself but my lovely hubby is a gentleman so I've no doubt he'd offer to get it!

bananaramaterry · 28/05/2024 11:16

TheDumpling · 28/05/2024 11:15

I'd just go and get it myself but my lovely hubby is a gentleman so I've no doubt he'd offer to get it!

You see I'm married to a selfish lazy pig, he won't get it for me!

Even though like @Frogpole he is 8 foot tall!

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 28/05/2024 11:18

bananaramaterry · 28/05/2024 11:16

You see I'm married to a selfish lazy pig, he won't get it for me!

Even though like @Frogpole he is 8 foot tall!

Stop exaggerating, he's only 7 ft 9! Silly banana! Grin

I am actually finding @Frogpole very endearing and funny and extremely entertaining. Send help! 😆

bananaramaterry · 28/05/2024 11:21

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway you've caught me out! You're right, if he was 8ft he'd be a "gentleman"!

I'm also enjoying the "telling off" from @Frogpole, it is entertaining and the detail is brilliant.

He's clearly started using a grammar app since his first load of nonsense about chihuahuas and such.

NonPlayerCharacter · 28/05/2024 11:22

I missed that exchange but having had a look, I gotta say I'm team bananaramaterry. Not entirely impartial, to be fair, as I'm not very well disposed towards men who seek out a female oriented forum in order to do the "ooh, women disagreeing on the Internet, what they need is me telling them how crap women are!" thing.

But even that aside, with those posts, I don't think he's got any place rebuking women, or indeed anyone, for being irrational or sensitive on this thread...

CharlotteRumpling · 28/05/2024 11:23

I am in favour of whichever team doesn't use Palestinian as an insult.😡

This thread has wandered.

SallyWD · 28/05/2024 11:25

I wouldn't even ask DH. I'm not scared to walk to the end of my drive in the dark. My garden isn't a terrifying and dangerous place once the sun sets. If it was my mistake I'd simply get it.
If it was his mistake he'd get it.

bananaramaterry · 28/05/2024 11:26

CharlotteRumpling · 28/05/2024 11:23

I am in favour of whichever team doesn't use Palestinian as an insult.😡

This thread has wandered.

He's had a post deleted on another thread for racism, you can't see the post but this was the response.

I think that we can guess the content of his post?

*Morning, someone was busy last night 🫣.

Please don't report Frogpoles interesting rant. I don’t feel personally attacked.

It's the perfect display of arrogant, supremacist, racist rhetoric that the region (from where I do not originate nor live lol) has to deal with so that our foreign policy blob and politicians can justify intervention.

Good luck out there Frogpole.*

NonPlayerCharacter · 28/05/2024 11:28

CharlotteRumpling · 28/05/2024 11:23

I am in favour of whichever team doesn't use Palestinian as an insult.😡

This thread has wandered.

Whoa, I missed that. Very much not on, I agree. I did see Froggy's egregious reference to the Holocaust.

StormingNorman · 28/05/2024 11:31

bananaramaterry · 28/05/2024 11:26

He's had a post deleted on another thread for racism, you can't see the post but this was the response.

I think that we can guess the content of his post?

*Morning, someone was busy last night 🫣.

Please don't report Frogpoles interesting rant. I don’t feel personally attacked.

It's the perfect display of arrogant, supremacist, racist rhetoric that the region (from where I do not originate nor live lol) has to deal with so that our foreign policy blob and politicians can justify intervention.

Good luck out there Frogpole.*

Agree. I don’t want any of this reported either. It’s fun to watch this gentleman revealing his true feelings towards women without even realising 😂

Mothership4two · 28/05/2024 12:07

As other far more gifted and able women have already posted about Frogpole and skillfully pricked his pompous bubble, I'm only going to respond to his comments made to me:

@Frogpole

@Mothership4two I'm equally as curious as to where you found all these helpful, kind and supportive comments, what part of my very, very simple comment made it entirely above your reading level, or why you think "hey, can you do me a favour please" is inequality and oppression.. we've all got our crosses to bear though, right?

I'm also curious where I said there were helpful, kind and supportive comments? Again not sure what you were reading? I actually said I didn't recognise the thread that you were condescendingly telling women posters off about for raging at each other and tearing one another down - oh and for "sicking your Chihuahuas on people" 😂Maybe your reading and writing comprehension isn't up to scratch, eh?

Also not sure where I didn't get what you were saying? I understood perfectly and explained clearly. My two lines of pretty mild disagreement with you really seemed to get your undies in a twist. Is Mrs Frogpole never allowed to voice any disagreements with you?

what part of my very, very simple comment made it entirely above your reading level - BTW I was not rude to you in my comments. I'm don't know whether your reading level would enable you to recognise the irony in being rude to someone commenting on your post criticising women for being rude and unkind to each other?

The rest of my post was pretty clearly about the thread in general, although you seem to have taken particular umbrage with it. 'Typical man making it all about him', would be a sexist way to put it. We are allowed to disagree on MN you know? That tends to be the form for AIBU threads.

It's not just a case of "hey, can you do me a favour please" is it? As has been explained ad infinitum. It's the attitude that women are unable or can't/won't do certain things that they are perfectly capable of doing which is basically the nub of sexism. Some things that may be a bit "icky"/not a very nice job(s). Every day lots of women are doing "icky" jobs somewhere on this planet - is that news to you? Not having had a lifetime of casual or actual sexism you don't seem able to relate, but it might benefit you to go back and read some of the comments on this thread, to get at least a partial understanding.

As I said upthread, when I read the OP I was mildly perplexed because it genuinely would not occur to me to ask OH and that a women would do that. I would just have gone out and done it without thinking twice. I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask if there is some genuine reason for you not to go but "you've got a penis and I haven't" isn't reasonable in my book. Nor is "well I know he'll do it so I won't have to" or "I'm lazy" as has been said in some comments or words to that effect.

As I have already said, OH would definitely have gone, but he probably would have asked if I was feeling OK. OH is a lovely kind man who, fortunately, treats me as his equal and I him. I ask him to help me or to do certain jobs (usually physical) and he does the same to me (usually fiddly ones as I have better eyesight and am more dexterous). And we rub along just fine.

Not the point of OP's post, but if you hear a noise that might be an intruder in the house then it's pretty logical for the biggest partner who is most capable go check it out (although it makes more sense for you both to go) - duh!

At the moment 87% of posters have voted YABU which is in some way heartening.

Mothership4two · 28/05/2024 12:07

What sort of fatuous nincompoop comes onto a female dominated site and, from his position of privilege, has the cheek to berate and lecture women about perceived and actual sexism towards them? What sort of idiot does that?

LoveStories · 28/05/2024 12:28

Mothership4two · 28/05/2024 12:07

What sort of fatuous nincompoop comes onto a female dominated site and, from his position of privilege, has the cheek to berate and lecture women about perceived and actual sexism towards them? What sort of idiot does that?

'Fatuous nincompoop' has a lovely ring to it. Though I do feel the fatuous nincompoop in question should be wearing kneebreeches and a powdered wig to fully carry it off...

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 28/05/2024 14:29

bananaramaterry · 28/05/2024 11:26

He's had a post deleted on another thread for racism, you can't see the post but this was the response.

I think that we can guess the content of his post?

*Morning, someone was busy last night 🫣.

Please don't report Frogpoles interesting rant. I don’t feel personally attacked.

It's the perfect display of arrogant, supremacist, racist rhetoric that the region (from where I do not originate nor live lol) has to deal with so that our foreign policy blob and politicians can justify intervention.

Good luck out there Frogpole.*

WOW! I didn't know @Frogpole had said all this nasty shite. I take back what I say about him being endearing. Words fail me! Shock

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 28/05/2024 14:49

@Mothership4two

As I said upthread, when I read the OP I was mildly perplexed because it genuinely would not occur to me to ask OH and that a women would do that. I would just have gone out and done it without thinking twice. I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask if there is some genuine reason for you not to go but "you've got a penis and I haven't" isn't reasonable in my book. Nor is "well I know he'll do it so I won't have to" or "I'm lazy" as has been said in some comments or words to that effect.

Well yeah this. ^ I know some couples have 'blue jobs' and 'pink jobs,' but with me and DH, it's whoever is closest/less busy/who it's more convenient for - for most jobs. I always put the bins out, and sort recycling. I actually enjoy it. I'm a bit weird like that! Grin I also do 90% of the gardening. We have a big garden and there's always something to do in it between March and October, but I LOVE gardening, and do all the weeding and lots of cutting and trimming, and grow and nurture all the flowers and plants. DH hates gardening, so it works well!

He mows the lawns and that's it (but that's OK! Smile) I can't pull the big mower around very easily, and basically can't do it very well anyway! Also, he does the vacuuming, window cleaning, floor scrubbing, and any painting or DIY we need, or painting and decorating and sandpapering etc, and big garden jobs like cutting/pruning big hedges or trees. (I snip and neaten the smaller ones.)

He also does the ironing. I do 90% of the cooking - and he usually washes up. I clean the bathroom, he cleans the shed and the garage (even though we both use them.) I do the polishing and dusting and all the food shopping. I also do all the home/household admin. I also enjoy that too! He will do anything if I am struggling with it, and I will do anything if he is.

I don't mind doing more than him as he works twice the hours I do. But even so, we pretty much share stuff reasonably well, (maybe 60 me-40 him,) and I don't tot up what I do and use it against him to say he's a lazy arse.

Iwasafool · 28/05/2024 14:51

bananaramaterry · 28/05/2024 10:15

@Iwasafool silly little me, I should know my place and not answer the man lord back!

You're right, us little women need to be quiet as well as locked in after dark.

NotWastingAnymoreTime · 28/05/2024 18:55

I wouldn't ask my husband and he would be unlikely to offer. Tbh he'd definitely be asleep at that time. If however I did ask him he would do it but yes he would huff and puff and be in a strop.

My lovely dad on the other hand would be straight out there without being asked (I'd stop him of course). He even still tries to walk me to my car and he's in his early 90s bless him.

WalkingonWheels · 28/05/2024 19:02

bananaramaterry · 27/05/2024 19:44

@WalkingonWheels my husband is also kind but also respectful that he doesn't overstep my boundaries of capability.

I understand your capabilities are less than mine, but please don't infer that my DH is not kind.

I didn't.

HTH

TWmummy6 · 28/05/2024 20:08

My DH would definitely go and get it for me. He goes out and gets whatever I need if we’ve run out, always makes me feel like it’s no trouble. He’d just throw on a jacket and go and look for lost item without making a big deal of anything..
if your partner insists on you going at least he could come with you and keep you company in the dark!

Sillystrumpet · 28/05/2024 20:14

TWmummy6 · 28/05/2024 20:08

My DH would definitely go and get it for me. He goes out and gets whatever I need if we’ve run out, always makes me feel like it’s no trouble. He’d just throw on a jacket and go and look for lost item without making a big deal of anything..
if your partner insists on you going at least he could come with you and keep you company in the dark!

Edited

But why, why can’t you do stuff for yourself. And why would someone need company to nip out and get sometjing from the bin?

TWmummy6 · 28/05/2024 20:20

truthfully most likely because I am scared of spiders hanging out in the dark and coming near me when it’s dark.. At least my husband can hold the phone light and help! There’s nothing wrong with (sometimes irrational) fears and wanting someone to hold your hand.. I’d do the same if he needed me to help him something else

TWmummy6 · 28/05/2024 20:25

Sillystrumpet · 28/05/2024 20:14

But why, why can’t you do stuff for yourself. And why would someone need company to nip out and get sometjing from the bin?

truthfully most likely because I am scared of spiders hanging out in the dark and coming near me when it’s dark.. At least my husband can hold the phone light and help! There’s nothing wrong with (sometimes irrational) fears and wanting someone to hold your hand.. I’d do the same if he needed me to help him something else