Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

Keep it simple. A piece of paper stuck on the fridge with a timetable of tasks throughout the week. Change the beds once a week, clean the kitchen and bathroom floors once a week, clean the loos as you go (chuck bleach in them). Clean kitchen worktops before you go to bed. Start all this off with a declutter one Saturday all day. Stick to the timetable and you will be fine.

I’d start with cleaning the bathrooms weekly and bathing the kids every couple of days. And go from there,

have someone round so you have to clean, that seems to be how i live
wash things and put away

Being a single parent and working FT is incredibly difficult.

You are literally doing 2 jobs but not being given the extra time to do them.

The good news is that as your kids get older, they will need less entertainment and you’ll be able to get things done around them.

I would write a weekly plan but don’t overdo it.

On Sundays and Wednesdays I would give the kids a bath/shower (they don’t need a bath every day at that age).

Whilst they’re in the bath then use that time to do things close to the bathroom - change bedsheets, put away laundry, tidy bedrooms.
Once they’ve finished then quickly clean the bathroom.

On the other days, have a routine of doing the other things.

It is always easier keeping on top of things than it is starting from scratch.
So having a routine and doing 30mins a day is going to be easier than spending half/a full day on the weekend doing it.

If you have lots of stuff then your best bet is to declutter.
If you imagine your home compared to a hotel room, the hotel room would be much easier to clean simply because there is less stuff.

I am currently doing 1/2hours on a Sunday evening of declutterring.
It does take a long time but I put my headphones on and listen to music or an audiobook and get lost in it whilst I’m doing it.
Then I put the bin bag out for the bin men the next day or take it to the charity shop.

Do your kids see their dad?
If so, you could do it on that day and if not then it may be an evening job.

Start on one room and go through it until it’s done and then move on to the next.
Be ruthless - if you don’t use it then get rid of it.
Leave the kids bedrooms until last and just get them a couple of storage boxes to shove everything in for now.

There are so many holy than thou posters on this thread it's quite shocking how rude and lacking in empathy their responses are.
Honestly op you do not need to change beds every week! Once every 2 weeks is fine. Try and get into a routine with bathing the kids. Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays would be a good start for your youngest children. The 8 year old could shower daily or every second day.
As for cleaning the oven, perhaps get someone in to do that now if you can afford it and then make Sundays your day to clean it going forward. The air fryer, leave it to soak after every use and it will be easy to keep it clean.
If you can't afford a cleaner to come weekly, I have mine come every 2 weeks, in between her cleans, I clean the toilet and and give thing a general wipe down when needed.
Please don't be too hard on yourself!

I’d do a Saturday blitz. Or two. Or three.

If you have a washer dryer I’d just put all your clothes and bedding on repeat through that.
Otherwise 4 or 5 clean but damp loads at a time to the launderette to dry.
At that point you have a mountain of stuff that EITHER goes straight to charity in black bags without going back in the house OR neatly goes back into your (wiped out) cupboards. At least it’s all clean.

Beds can be fitted sheet, one pillowcase+ duvet cover.
Minimum school uniform = 3 shirts, 2 trousers or 1 skirt, 1 jumper per week.

Get a strong multipurpose cleaning product like Stardrops to dilute as spray or in a bucket. All rooms with a waterproof floor can get a thorough sloppy scrub from top down. Much better than spot cleaning.

Once the kitchen and bathroom have been “bottomed”, take a break and eat multiple Twirls!

I'm not great with clutter but I did have a system with washing and kids clutter.

I did a big clutter of toys before each birthday and Christmas to get on top of it before more came in. I involved the kids - I laid out on all the toys I thought a good idea to let go of and asked them to rescue (take back) anything they wanted to keep. I was always surprised how little they decided to keep.

When they grew out of clothes I either bagged them up for the younger sibling with the clothing size written on the bag and place it under the bed or top of the wardrobe. Their wardrobe only contained clothes they currently fit in.

Anything we no longer wanted I gave to an op shop. I didn't leave it hanging around the house

Washing I do one load a day. You could maybe set a timer so it's done when you arrive home from work? I hand all tops and dresses on hangers and when they dry I can just hang them straight on the wardrobe

A sunny / windy day is my signal to do linen / towels.

You need a routine:

Monday - towels
Tuesday - bathroom wipe down
Wednesday - hoover
Thursday - kitchen and bathroom floors
Friday - kitchen clean
Saturday - change all beds
Sunday - tidy up and clean kids rooms

These can be done in half an hour except the bedding, but arguably you can do 1/2 beds each week on rotation if it's too much

In addition, daily:

bleach loo
Wipe kitchen surfaces
Declutter constantly
Tidy toys in main living area at bedtime
Kids quick bath

I do the absolute bare minimum but by doing something each day I just about keep on top of it.

Yes a month for bed sheets is far too long, also bathrooms will need cleaning weekly, the cleaning rotas are a great idea and get establish a routine.
Honestly a quick shower is best daily,
Kids can be brutal and poor hygiene is giving them a reason to give them a stand out.

I was like you, 3 little ones and a husband who worked away a lot. It's really bloody difficult doing it all on your own.

Thing that helped me the most, was having a routine!. Personal hygiene was completely non negotiable, every night I ran a shallow bubble bath and dunked the kids in it. It was part of their wind down bed time routine.

Beds changed on a Saturday morning. You need 2 sets of bedding per bed. I used to keep the fresh set folded up, under their mattress, waiting to go on. That gives you a whole week to launder the dirty ones. 🙂.
School uniform was a priority for me, I didn't want them being ridiculed so I would spend an hour on Sunday, ironing a weeks worth of uniform, so lovely for them to have fresh clothes laid out every morning.

I sorted the kitchen as I was going along so I would never sit down for the evening until the kitchen was sorted, with everything put away and the surfaces wiped down.

Same with the bathroom, keep the cleaning things in the bathroom and never leave the bathroom without folding the towels, wiping the loo, etc. Even if it's just with a spray and a bit of loo roll. "Method" sprays smell gorgeous.

Floors are less of a priority, we have wooden floors so I just swish round with a lightweight rechargeable stick hoover then a speedmop. It takes a few mins!

It's difficult with small kids but clutter is definitely a problem as you waste a lot of time looking for things and it takes up mental headspace. Try and make sure everything has a place, for us it's coats on each person's coat hook. Files for important documents, everything else is shredded as it comes thro the door. Try to get some sort of organisation in your fridge and kitchen cupboards so you can see what you have and what you need to buy.
Wicker basket in kitchen for recycling, this gets carted out to the bins several times a day (your older DC can do this!).

Don't, whatever you do, be tempted to get a pet. They increase the workload immensely and if you are not a natural cleaner, your house will deteriorated very quickly.

Maybe pay for a deep clean to get you started.

Forget the car. 🙂

I work 45-50 hours a week - the cleaning is broken down - morning I am up at 630.

Sat - full house clean - hoover stairs etc

Shower
Put washing on
Downstairs loo clean (alternate with upstairs)
Quick hoover downstairs as we have dogs
unload dishwasher
Clean kitchen surfaces
walk dogs
School run
Work

At night
pack lunches
washing in tumble
Tidy lounge before bed
stack put on dishwasher

kids do evening dog walk, stack dishwasher, tumble etc as mine are older.

Fri - sons bed changing day
Sat - dd bed changing day
Sun - my bed is changed

Its routine and a list of what needs doing, my kids were bathed every day at that age (Im a 70s child so just bathed once a week). The air fryer needs doing every time you use it! You can put foil in the bottom to try and prevent it getting too dirty.

Are you unwell ? As I couldn’t blame all that on being short sighted,I’m visually impaired and can tidy up and shower more often.
i can’t drive but we don’t allow food in the car so it doesn’t get messy,but if you do how about a bag for rubbish as you go along.
if you can’t do the bedding often,how about every 10 days as it will stink and so will your children,and this will be noticed by friends and school.
when the children are out of the bath then spray it with cleaner and rinse it off when children are dry.

it seems like you need some help to get yourself sorted and in a routine

Do you mean you wash your bedding once a month or sometimes it's every two?
Surely your eyesight can't be that bad if you drive a car

I was the same as you when I rented. Just didn't really care all that much.

But when I moved into a mortgaged place, it was spotless, and I resolved to keep it like that. For me, the key was to "gameify it". I ranked all the jobs in the house from easiest to hardest, and allocated points to it. Once I got a certain number of points, I was allowed to get a treat. Nothing major, just something like a takeaway iced coffee, or my favourite, bit-more-expensive, bread.

I'm also quite a "rule follower", so I had rules for doing certain things, and that helped.

I also did things on a rota. For example, Mondays I deep-clean the kitchen, Tuesdays I mop and hoover the downstairs, etc etc.

@Alittlelostinlifeisi

You sound so overwhelmed. Take a deep breath, you can do this.

You need to establish a routine, so that things get done as a matter of course.

Kids - they really need at the very least a good stand up wash every day. The easiest thing would be to bung them in the shower for a couple of minutes before bedtime so that it becomes part of their routine of getting ready for bed.

Your older ones are big enough to help you, so they can help make their bed, put clean washing away, fold their clothes, put pots away, clear the table, fill the dishwasher.

Your youngest, can help put toys away, tidy shoes, lay the table, put their clothes away

They can all put dirty clothes in the wash basket, hang up coats and bags, put their own shoes away.

Cleaning. I would really recommend that you take a look at TOMM. Basically 2 levels of cleaning a day. Level 1 takes 15 minutes (not all in one go) and is putting a load of washing on, clean some part of the bathroom, hoover /mop heavily used floorspace.
Level 2 is half an hour cleaning a specific area, such as living room Monday, bedroom Tuesday, hall/stairs, Wednesday, kitchen Thursday and the game changer is a focused Friday where you deep clean one of the rooms in turn. Put a timer on and stop after 30 minutes. What you doing do this week, gets picked up next week. Over time you get faster and your house gets cleaner as much never really piles up.

There are free tick lists or you can pay for an app. Gemma does guided cleans so if you don't know what to do, she talks you through it.

The whole idea behind it, is that you spend time during the week following the plan and then the weekends are yours and free to do what you want. It is life changing if you commit to it.

I get up half an hour before anyone else in the morning, so that I can crack on with whatever room I'm doing that day and sit down with a cup of coffee before every one else's day begins, but you might find it easier to do it once the kids have gone to bed, or whilst they are having tea or in the shower.

You clearly want to do something about the way you are living. You sound a bit down and overwhelmed. Just take baby steps and you will get there.

Alternatively if you have spare cash, you could get a cleaner in to do a deep clean and then try TOMM, or you could just get a cleaner in every week to sort it all out for you.

I have ADHD and autism and struggle with housework enormously. The way I manage is by breaking things down into manageable chunks so they're less overwhelming. I have a board with post it notes on. Each note has something like "clean bathroom sink" or "sweep kitchen floor" on it, so not a huge what seems to be insurmountable task.

I'm still not perfect, but it's better than freezing and not being able to do anything as I'm so overwhelmed.

Body doubling works too. So much easier when someone is doing things with you. When my kids were younger and at home, we'd pick a room to "flash tidy" with a reward at the end for all of us.

The 8 year old can bathe themselves. At least every other day.

Or rather shower. It's easier.

Hi OP,
Are you ok?
I’m wondering if this isn’t really a cleanliness problem but rather that you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted generally?
A lack of motivation/struggling to stay on top of things might be a sign that your mental health is not great.
Do you have any support?
I really feel for you. Working full time and parenting three kids alone is incredibly hard. I hope you’re ok.

Can I also say,if you’re too short sighted to see dirt then maybe you need to get an eye test,but are you safe to drive ?

It's easy to feel overwhelemed by the houswork. I find the more it builds up the harder it is to stay ontop of.

If you are able see if you can arrange childcare/take leave from work and get on top of it. Once it's been done throughout thouroughly and decluttered you'll have more pride in it.

It should then be easier to clean as you go, quick wipe down of the bathroom here. Do you have the right equipment? If money is avaliable and you don't already have a cordless vaccum cleaner I would highly reccomend.

Regarding kids, mine deffinetely get washed a few times a week and more if they've been playing outside etc but I don't think kids need bathing every night like some people on here do.

Best of luck 👍

Do one room at a time, one bit a day, schedule time out, don't think about doing it all at once, just bite sizes, that way it'll be less overwhelming for you

Sorry but no, not enough cleaning at all.
I clean my kitchen and bathroom daily, and deep clean fortnightly. Bedding should be fortnightly. Your DCs should be bathing far more.

Ooh, love this

What does a 'bit shortsighted' mean?

My eyesight has never been good and I do struggle to see cobwebs (astigmatism) but I work on the principle that they're likely to be there so I clean

But normal day to day mess and dirt? I see that.

Have a look at the Organised Mum method and make a plan.

Then act on it