Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

You realise it's only clean enough because she does it so frequently?

You'll be back to square one again if you cut her hours

Get the kids to help have a huge declutter to the charity shop or tip

Book a professional spring clean for the entire house. Inc windows. Whilst you sort out the garden

Then a strict maintenance schedule put in place. Clean beds, kitchen and clean clothes are non negotiable. You can do this, you just need some help and support op.

Force yourself to strip the beds because then you’ll have to put clean covers on. Pour Flash liquid in and around the bath because then you’ll have to clean it. Dettol wipes and Zoflora spray to clean the loo each day then put bleach around the rim.

I think that a bathroom needs cleaning more often than every two months.

The last sentence is THE best advice EVER!

I know its massively old hat and a bit kitsch but Flylady did it for me.

No it’s actually factual. Wait till you here that we don’t actually need to use shampoo either!

Start small OP encourage the DC to shower more frequently. You say your wardrobe is a mess? Something that helps me is arranging the clothes by colours- not to look like a shop display- just white/light colours on inside and black/navy etc in the other side. Then for work outfits- a white top or blouse, fe, put a white bra on the same hanger.

Teach the DC to put their clothes away.

First step is get organised with de clutter and good storage. Then create yourself a short weekly routine- one thing per day and get into the habit of it- say Monday beds, Tuesday hoover etc. cleaning takes much less time when it’s regular and not obviously dirty cuz it’s a quick wipe not a deep scrub. Every couple of weeks add a couple of things to the rota so it’s gradual build up not in at the deep end, I have a spreadsheet (sad I know) tht spans 10 weeks - some items are on their weekly- such as beds, some just once in the 10 weeks like washing machine drawer, hoover filters etc. I probably only spend 30 mins a day cleaning as it’s a quick whip round as nothing needs a deep scrub. Best of luck! Oh and don’t buy a million products to complicate, all purpose spray, white vinegar and some micro fibres

I hate housework but DP is lazy so if I didn't do it we would live in filth. Yes, I know I should make him do it but I have given up. Anyway I read something that said just do 15 minutes if you really can't face it, or half an hour or whatever time limit you set. Sounds naff but it has made a real difference. It's amazing what you can actually achieve. Also declutter. Ruthlessly get rid of all crap. I do my floors every day, takes hardly any time because they aren't dirty, surfaces every day again they aren't dirty. Think of putting clothes away as part of the actual washing. I do tiny tasks whilst waiting for the kettle to boil. Yes, it's really dull but it all adds up.

At 8 years old you need to start teaching your child about hygiene and you may need to introduce a deodorant a proper antiperspirant that is OP. DS is 9 and I prompt him with things.... I still check he is brushing teeth and so on. Your kids need a bath daily! 2 of them attend school.... presentation is free!

Hello OP,

Really courageous of you to post here and to want to make a change, so hard with such young kids and work.

Can you get a day off work when kids are at school to have a chance to clear some stuff? Can anyone help ? Can you afford to pay a cleaner for that day as well, would be such a help. Declutter as much as you can even is it's only one room, so you start to feel a difference.

According to the American Academy of Dermatology, children aged 6 to 11 need baths once or twice a week, or more often if they’ve been swimming or gotten sweaty or muddy.

Toddlers enjoy playing in baths (and their parents may love how they smell when they emerge), but two to three baths a week are generally enough at that age, according to Whattoexpect.com and several medical websites.

Some posts are unnecessarily harsh. OP knows there is an issue and wants to make changes. No need to be rude. Save that for the people who don’t give a shit what conditions they subject their children to. OP clearly needs encouragement and friendly advice.

Some people are just nasty!

OP - I’m a neat freak so like everything clean and tidy. However, due to depression there will be days where NOTHING gets done. The fact that I have zero to no clutter means my house can never really get THAT bad. I would tackle one room per weekend (doesn’t have to be consecutive of course) and chuck everything. This way I can literally hoover and mop all of downstairs in less than 10 mins. Not possible if there is stuff everywhere. You’ll also get the dopamine from tidying.

I also noticed that when you have less clutter you can actually see when an item needs to be put away/chucked. And it’s easier to maintain.

Good Luck x

Meh. 40 years ago kids were lucky to wash once a week. They don't need daily showers unless they're grubby. I'd up to twice, but that's ok.

I recently booked a few days' annual leave to get the house in order. The key is to get rid of as much stuff as you can. At least half, but probably 75% if you can. Be ruthless. Watch Stacey Solomon for inspiration.

I would set reminders on your phone - so eg wash bedding every 2-3 weeks, put laundry away for 5 mins 3 times a week, etc. get kids to put their own laundry away.

Is the dad on the scene? What does he do?

Cleaning schedule is what you need.. I get it though, I think we all do.. working full time, kids, running a house, after school activities etc..

Bathrooms need to be cleaned once a week.. toilets more frequently, just a wipe and some bleach..

run the hoover and mop once a week..

clean fridge out before you get your food shop..

polish every week or two…

DECLUTTER… doesn’t have to be at once but start small, a cupboard or drawer at a time.

Try and get a schedule for a bath/shower for the kids .. nights you don’t have anything on.

we’re all winging it op! Keep going!

And to those piling in on op about the kids and baths.. we had a bath once a week on a Sunday as kids.. maybe extras in the really hot weather!

Weekend cleaning rota for bathroom and floors. I hoover downstairs everyday before my kids go to bed. Upstairs probably once a week. I have a set day for bathrooms if not time for full clean use cleaning wipes. Have you considered a cleaner. I don’t work school holidays and spend a few days emptying wardrobes, cleaning kitchen cupboards etc. I would start small and build up,

Stick a pack of anti bac wipes/microfibre cloth in the bathroom. Do literally a 2 min wipe down when you brush teeth.

I do this and my bathroom is always tidy. I only started doing this after we put a new bathroom in as I was afraid of it becoming a hovel like the previous one.

I think you need to outsource as much as you can afford and set a schedule for the rest. I was brought up by a mentally ill hoarder, so to me, not having piles of crap around me felt like I was doing well. But like you, my habits and environment were still very below "standard". Having awful ADHD definitely does not help. I don't notice mess or dirt the way normal people do. And time just flies by. It's not like I would intentionally wait 2 months to do things. It just took that long for me to think, "Oh when did I last do X?" and then realise it had been months. I might even notice something (a dirty mark on the wall/a potato on the floor/a pile of washing) and think I need to wash/pick up that...later. Then forget about it. So I learned I can't rely on myself to think about these things. I have to do noticeable things right now and set dedicated days and times to do everything else. Getting the kids involved helps too. Having company while you do tasks makes them easier.

Good luck.

I haven't read all replies so sorry if I'm just repeating things already said.

Don't beat yourself up about how things have been up to now, you've recognised you want to change things so just look forward and think about how you will feel when you have these things more in a routine.

I am a very disorganised person and even when I know loads needs doing, I sometimes don't know where to start. It sounds silly but just writing things down on a list and being able to tick it off helps me focus and feel accomplished when I've done it!

100000% recommend The Organised Mum, there's a blog, books, Facebook page and private group. What really helps me the most are her guided cleans which are either on Patreon or on her app. Helps me so much with staying on track and getting everything done.

Kids and bathing, if they are only little could you all get in the shower together a few nights a week. Kids don't necessarily need a bath or shower every day when young.

Bedcovers, I pick a day of the week to be bedding wash day. I do mine one week, all kids the next so everybody's gets changed fortnightly. Do you have spare sets? It can help if you just strip the bed and put the clean set straight on, then you have time to wash and dry the other set before it next needs changing over.

Please tell me you don't have any pets!

And if you can afford it I really recommend a cordless vacuum. Game changer for me. I literally whip it out 3/4 times a day - often only use it for 20 secs at a time ie after making lunch.

It also makes me less stressed out when something spills. Oh cereal box knocked over? No matter, someone pass me the Shark.

I’m naturally really messy and to be honest lazy when it comes to housework as I’m always busy it’s easy for it to not be a priority, but I have two children and decided that it’s not fair on them. Im actually really proud (as sad as that sounds!) of how I now manage to keep our house clean and tidy.

Rotas, and to do lists on my phone are what works for me. Then it just becomes part of your weekly routine, for example whether it looks dirty or not I strip the beds every other Sunday (or sooner obviously if I feel it needs doing!)

also doing small amounts everyday to keep on top of things is easier than letting it build up and then having to spend a bigger chunk of time further down the line, for example if I spend 5 minutes doing a quick spray/wipe down of the bathrooms when I’m in there (or whilst the kids are in the bath) then it keeps it nice and clean.

I also find if I like the smell of the cleaning products (I often ‘treat’ myself to some cleaning bits in home bargains) then it encourages me to want to clean.

I also spend 10 minutes each night after the kids are in bed just to ‘reset’ and make sure the main living spaces are clean and tidy so I can sit and relax for the evening. I love sitting down and lighting a candle when it’s all clean and tidy (and smelling nice!)

Hi OP… so many good ideas here for you, I’d agree start small start with bathing the kids even every other day, now it’s coming to the summer months I seen an influencer use a small paddle pool with warm water and bubble bath if garden is reasonable this will keep kids clean, just thought I’d mention as not seen anyone else post- that level of exhaustion is not ok and I’d suggest a blood test for iron levels/ folate/b12 could be something so simple as this. Set yourself timetables as others suggested beds a certain day, basic clean it will likely make you feel better and encourage you to clean more. Also give your dc take get everyone involved xx