Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

To be fair to the OP, she's not going to go from washing the bedding every month or two, to doing it weekly! That's an unrealistic leap, and not strictly necessary either.

Cleaning your bathroom once every month or two is completely unacceptable, especially with children in the house.

Bathing your children once a week is neglect.

Try and make a rota, even 30 minutes before or after work would make a huge difference. How old are the kids? Do they have chores?

Can you buy extra bedsheets so that when you strip them you always have one ready to put on without having to wash and wait for them to dry? Then you have time for the others to be washed and dried and ready for next time like a rotation. Mumsnet are obsessed with bathing their kids 40 times a day, try not to be too hard on yourself or feel worse after these comments.

We bathe the kids (5 & 2) on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays unless they get filthy or a nappy leaks.

The five year old can now be left on his own in the bath while I dry and dress the 2 year old. It probably takes 20 minutes to run the bath, get their pyjamas and towels ready, wash, dry and dress them.

We do it immediately after dinner and then have 30 minutes relaxing in front of the TV before bed.

Bathing them everyday resulted in eczema and I think 3 times per week is fine for children that age.

I used to be bathed once a week on a Sunday, but that was the 1980s. I think you probably need to increase it to at least twice a week.

You'll get a load of replies telling you to declutter. It's good advice but doesn't tackle the motivation or time aspects. Most cleaning advice boils down to tips and tricks on how to spend more time cleaning , as painlessly as possible. You could bypass all of the detail and charts and just commit to doing Something for an hour every Saturday (or day of your choice), over and above what you'd normally do. Or the PP's idea of 3 things per day is a good one. Or 15 mins a day. It really doesn't matter what you choose so go for whatever sounds most achievable. All of it adds up to spending more time in your average week cleaning.

Hair washing once a week is fine for some people's hair. I think children need to be washed about 3x per week when small. You need them to internalise feeling clean as a norm, so they keep it going as teens.

If funds allow, paying a cleaner for a few hours of deep clean would bring it towards you a bit.

Awch. Harsh but true.

I would suggest a 30 minute clear up . That includes the washing up .

bath nights work well . If they are young but out of nappies twice a week is fine .

I would clean toilet /sink whilst Ds was in the bath Mop whilst settling down as floor is wet . Now he is a teen I do my teeth put toilet cleaner down wipe round with a brush at night .

is there a partner involved ?

Also list of jobs work out what needs doing daily /weekly / fortnightly/ monthly .

"Bathing your children once a week is neglect."

I don't consider that to be neglectful for children under the age of ten. It's certainly the absolute minimum frequency that children should be bathed, but it was completely normal in the 1980s and it's even referenced in Danny Champion of the World.

Declutter clothes, that's the first thing I would do. I fit all my boys' clothes on one chest of drawers , that's all the clothes they have. They also have a cupboard for their uniforms. If you declutter Theo's and your clothes it ll make your life easier.

Depending on the children’s ages you could do a quick clean of the sink and loo and polish the mirrors and taps while they play in the bath, it would only take 5 minutes. They need a bath or shower more often than once a week. Try changing the bottom sheet and pillowcases and turning the duvet over so the duvet cover only needs washing every other time you change the bed. Could you take a few days off work and get someone to help you get rid of stuff and go to the tip then try to follow one of the schedules that have been suggested?

thank you this is very helpful 🙌

I have a cleaner
When I'm doing stuff I put on fast music, loud and I use a timer.
So I'd say to myself I'll do 1 hour and x,y & z tasks. I'd often do more but the point was once I'd done those tasks I could stop.
Timing yourself helps you understand how much time you need to spend on things which helps when planning.
I also try & beat my time

Your first priority needs to be washing the children every few days at least, and ensuring you check them for nits at the same time! The bedding and towels need changing and washing much more regularly!
Then make a rota, to give each room a clean, even if you start with the easiest one, then try and keep on top of it once it is clean, do a de clutter and be ruthless. short term pain for long term gain.

3,6 and 8

Some of these comments are well harsh! How old are your children? Younger kids don't need so many baths/ showers in the winter, but in the summer they may do to was away suncream etc.
Things that help me keep up with the cleaning are anti bac floor wipes - better than the surface wipes! I use them to wipe all surfaces and the bathroom down, as don't always have time to "properly" clean during the week.
Having a "speed clean" of like 10 -15 minutes a day where I just get as much done as I can - it all adds up!
Laundry "rota" for the household bedding, make sure you have enough bedding so you don't have to wait for the set that's been on to wash and dry before making the bed if that makes sense.
1 load of washing per day. This way it doesn't backlog and overwhelm you!
Cycling the dishwasher is a big positive- you just need to add cleaning the air fryer by hand for example and that will make a big difference!

Thanks for this which might help.

If you're short sighted then surely you have no issue with seeing what's in your hands. It doesn't affect your sense of smell, either.

You need a routine. There is no magic wand you can wave to circumvent this.

And your poor kids need more than one proper wash a week.

I have a cleaner. I shower every other day as does DS2. DS1 showers everyday. The beds get changed every 2 weeks.

I wash the towels every other week, except hand towels

For me that is the bare minimum

Lots of good advice so far.

Another suggestion would be to concentrate on one room/area at a time and thoroughly clean it and declutter, then move on to the next room/area and thoroughly clean and declutter that, and keep going round the house until you get back to where you started.

Could you do 45 mins - 1 hour a night once the kids were in bed?

Then, obviously, start over again in the first room, but hopefully it will take less time because it's not as dirty or cluttered. Eventually you will get to a point that everything is mainly clean and you can do the whole house in the time it took you to do the first room.

The difficult bit is starting.

Generally, I change the bedding every week/10 days but it's not set in stone.

I think what stands out to me is once a week. In my school if a child continually comes to school smelling then we put it down as neglect and report it. I know you’re not wanting that and you’re finding things difficult but maybe creating a routine/ schedule may help.

First of all I would have set days for bath nights for the children. It will set them into their own good routines for the future to show them how to wash themselves. I try to make bath nights exciting so my little ones love it and it becomes a nice little evening wind down instead of a chore.

I agree with a pp about buying spare bedding that way you could do a bulk wash but you all still have clean sheets weekly.

I think the stress of it all is making you put off cleaning but the longer you leave it the worse the build up gets so doing things weekly and breaking it down will make it easier for you. As the children get older, give them a job to do so they can help keep the house tidy.
Each day I do a 15-30 min tidy and I only focus on one room. Just helps to clear clutter or give the room a quick clean down.

Is there anyone who could support you? Any friends or family you could ask for help? Is there anyway you could hire a cleaner for a once a month deep clean and then you can keep weekly top ups of the washing, the bedding and the bathrooms?

You have got it all wrong, you bath daily but leave your kids dirty, they need bathing everyday too.
Your floors and bathroom need washing twice a week.
Tidying the kitchen, cleaning the toilet and hoovering daily.
Beds all need changing once a week
Clothes Washing everyday and general tidying. Don't only wash things when you notice they're dirty, you don't see it. Take them off and wash them.
If you can't manage it all, cut back somewhere else and get a cleaner,
and please bath your children everyday and keep them clean, it will also help them sleep.

I will take all your ideas on board and really make an effort to do better. Don’t want children growing up thinking this is normal. They deserve better. I so know this. Thank you all 🙏🏻

I put all my chores that (I think) I should be doing on my reminders on my phone. If I don’t do them, that’s fine, but it’s helps me prioritise if I see I didn’t wash the kitchen floor last week (for example ) I can see I need to do it this week. I’ve divided all the weekly chores up so there’s jobs of 20-30 minutes a day which over the week covers nearly everything. Twice a week I have a reminder to declutter 2 things which has really helped. I also put in annual reminders such as MOT due in 3 weeks so I don’t get horrible shocks.

in the long run being disorganised takes more time so it’s worth the effort getting organised (but seems really hard at the start!)

Little kids don’t need bathing every day, they don’t sweat like teens and adults do and it’s not good for their skin.

I’m a big fan of ‘while.’ While your 3yo is in the bath, spray and wash down sink; clean and bleach toilet; polish mirror; wipe down shower screen (rinse aid on a jcloth works really well.)

While 8yo is in the bath (doesn’t need to be supervised), strip and remake bed. Fitted easy care sheets are the handiest; they wash and dry in no time, whereas flannelette take ages.

i change beds once every ten days.

I do all my ironing on a Sunday, only items that really need it.

I am a slattern and if I could get away with less, I would. I let my cleaner go as she was very unreliable about showing up. I hoover Monday lunchtime (WFH) and mop straight after. Today I cleaned out the fridge.