Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

This sounds like my life lol

I have two very young children, and so can't really keep up with cleaning.

I make sure that nothing is getting mouldy, bins out etc, as long as we aren't getting ill which is my priority.

My landlord is coming soon to check the house, I use this as motivation to go through absolutely everything. Maybe you need a friend to visit or something once a month to motivate you to go through every inch of your home once a month

You need to have a very clear system that you do every day. Every single morning without fail I make the bed and wipe down my basin. I keep cleaning products in the shower and give it a light clean every day when I am in it. The toilet is cleaned on Wednesday and Saturday when I am waiting for the shower to heat up. Every night without fail the dishwasher is filled, the benches are cleaned and a load of washing is done. The previous day's laundry is folded. Kitchen bin is emptied etc etc.

I found that setting a timer really made me realise it does not take long to do these things. The more things you put on automatic pilot the easier it gets. I dont even think about most of them now. They just get done like cleaning your teeth.

I never have to "clean" but I do schedule a monthly hour or two of extras like the top of the windows etc.

I work long hours (am away from home around 11 hours a day), and have kids and elderly parents to look after as well as pets. It is doable, but takes a little getting used to.

If you don't notice the dirt it's best to get into a routine so it's not such a big chore all at once. Do one room a day. so Mondays you vacuum & dust the lounge, Tuesday the same in the Living room etc. Save the kitchen & bathroom until the weekend so you can give them a thorough clean. each room shouldn't take too long if you keep on top of it. If the kids are old enough to help ask them to help keep their own room tidy & clean.
As far as the kids are concerned they need to bath/shower more than once a week. You don't want their peers at school to start commenting negatively to them about their personal hygiene. If you work cleaning into your daily routine it doesn't seem such a hassle & won't take long to get your home back on track & clean.

That Tody app is a fucking game changer 🤯

I wonder if you’re suffering depression or something else. Try to get a go appointment, your lack of energy might be down to low B12 or something else

Could you afford a cleaner once a fortnight? Then all you’d have to do is the beds?

Bathe your kids daily plus if you can afford it, think about getting a cleaner, 2-3 hours once a week. Even if the floors being cleaned and them ironing clothing putting it away etc, your life may well be easier?

I could really take on board some of the advice given about cleaning routine as I’m not the best either, but the weekly wash and monthly bedding stood out to me

Our beds get changed weekly or max fortnightly, you are in it around 50 a week…wouldn’t wear clothes that long without washing them. The kids (3&1) shower after dinner with me or their Dad every night, sometimes bath if there’s enough time to play before bed - daughter washes hair twice a week unless it needs doing more. This is just routine now they know it’s dinner, shower, bed

Great update OP@Alittlelostinlifeisi

It’s brave to come on MN and be so honest about your struggles but you took it on the chin.
You sound like an amazing mum who was overwhelmed. There’s been some great advice on this thread, hope you can keep it up going forwards.

Amongst the excellent posts, @lastapache post about ADHD really resonated with me too! Thanks for that.

Brilliant @Alittlelostinlifeisi You are inspiring me now!

Came back with a few more tips. Put a dishwasher tablet in the loo last thing at night and give it a good scrub in the morning to get rid of limescale. About once a week, depending on limescale in your area.

Vinegar (look up how much water you need to add for the job in hand) works really well on hard surfaces. Avoids the harsher chemicals and fragrances - always feels like a chemical attack at overly tidy MILs house with cleaning products blasted everywhere, which can't be good.

Have you got a garden with a washing line? Or this even works out the window. On a sunny day change the bedding and air the duvets in sunshine. UV light is like a natural antiseptic.

For the kids, I did a daily bath when young and now a bath or shower. The day to day quick bath doesn't need to be deep or full of bubbles. The shower can also be really quick. They can brush their teeth (or you brush their teeth for littles) while in the bath. Have somewhere towels will dry fast so they can be reused without a need to wash each time.

When you have it all under control do something to celebrate. A pot of plants on the doorstep or clear table adds a gorgeous splash of colour and mood lift.

My car is in a much better state as when waiting for DC I use the minutes to clean the car, rather than scroll social media if I am too tired to do anything constructive online (am bad at this, so don't mean it judgementally).

Have a few bags, one for rubbish and one for recycling. Pick up anything in the car. Pour some water on a cloth and wipe down the the dash and door panels.

I clean for a lady with adhd. She thinks her house is a tip but it's really not that bad

You poor thing. I sympathise. A strategy I tried many years ago which helped…
… Set your alarm for half an hour earlier than usual. Every day. Leave the kids in bed while you catch up with a couple of jobs which worry you.
eg - wash and dry all dishes, put them away,clean draining board, put on a wash. If possible hang up the washing before you leave the house.

It might help to get in the habit of attaching one task to another one you HAVE to do. So for example before I get dressed on Sunday mornings, I strip the beds - it takes less than 10 actual mins in real life but feel like such a chore. Thankfully I have DH at home and we both do this type of thing. Before we have a shower, we set a timer for 5/10mins and clean something, anything in the bathroom - you might not do it every day but if you do it most days, you might keep on top of the bathroom. After the kids go to bed whilst the kettle is boiling I’ll spend the time it takes for the full kettle to boil doing one thing in kitchen eg wipe down cabinets/fridge/hob or wash dishwasher filter. Same thing when the kettle/toaster are on in the morning, washing machine goes on. I wipe the mirrors whilst I’m brushing my teeth. Going upstairs? Take something up. Going down? Same again. Small tasks in your normal routine add up over a week. Start small and keep going.

I am exactly like this. I find house work and cleaning completely overwhelming, and think I have ADHD.

You don't say how old your kids are and if they are in school or nursery. If they are a bit grubby or whiffy and out there then they may be stigmatised by other kids.
Worse still staff working with them may feel they are suffering neglect. Try to prioritise a daily bathing routine for your kids and then reward yourself with a relaxing bath when you have done the necessary. Yes you do need to get your priorities in order; harsh I know.

Please read ‘How to keep house while drowning’ by K C Davis. This book is very kind and easy to read. It will give you a lot of strategies to help your situation. Here is the link so you don’t even have to search for it: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Keep-House-While-Drowning/dp/1529900034

I haven't read all the comments yet, but I went through this, but i had post natal depression. I went to the GP to sort my mental health out, then after me and my hubby chatted, we organised a cleaning schedule/rota. 😇
We agreed that I would tackle, bathroom and kitchen wipe downs most days And he would hoover and mop right through the house twice a week (it killed me to carry the hoover up the stairs, due to a bad shoulder) 🧼 he would pick up food items most days and I would deal with laundry. 👕
We went through a long faze of using Gousto and taking it in turns to cook, but that's another story.
On top of that he would do bath book bed every evening with our baby son, whilst I tidied around and got our clothes ready for the next day. It was hard but we cheered each other on.
I honestly found The Organised Mum Method (TOMM) an absolute god send, as she would say just pick a room and start off with ten mins of uninterrupted cleaning! The motivation to start was always crap before this, yet when you know it's only 10 mins and once you start, then you cannot stop 😆

Another channel that helped give me tips was on YouTube called but first coffee. She always said boss tips like make sure your kitchen sink is clean before you goto bed, as no-one wants to wake up to a dirty sink. Also to start small and declutter a draw or a shelf and take stuff in short bursts to the recycling centre /charity shop etc.
On another note, my hubby now pays for a cleaner to come once per month to blitz our house, so we both get a break for 2 hours that week and it's money well spent. I hope this helps xxx

Use shower caps and wash hair 2/3 times a week (or cut it shorter!)

Depends on the age of the children, mine only got a wash once weekly when they were small. That was the advice at the time, as they don’t sweat as much as adults.

I can still remember how a 10 minute job might take an hour with little ones. It’s no good comparing oneself to a cleaner who can give their undivided attention to a task.
I also think we need some more context before making suggestions. Maybe a routine is difficult because OP has diifferent work shifts from one week to the next. Maybe OP can’t afford a cleaner.
Really without knowing if there’s a partner and the ages of the children there’s a limit to what advice can be given.

Whoever recommended that book How To Keep House While Drowning- thank you!! I’ve just started it and it was like it was written for me. And it was only €3.50 for the Kindle version.

Inspired by this thread, my kids are going into the shower every second day (instead of twice a week, which half the time I didn’t enforce). I cleared out one cupboard and gave it a good clean (god the amount of out of date food) and washed all the floors downstairs.

I'm so glad the book resonated with you. Such a compassionate understanding author and I love the way she has different suggestions depending on how overwhelmed you are feel.

@ResultsMayVary I have just bought it too and am loving it. I don't think I actually have adhd but the way she writes really resonates with me and she's so kind, funny and down to earth!

Ironically I am currently sitting reading this book instead of folding laundry and cleaning the kitchen...

You know what really helped me? A robot hoover! I sent it off in the kitchen after dinner at 7pm, so has to clean the kitchen floors before it went around. Then I scheduled it to clean downstairs, all rooms 3 times weekly, so the floor had to be clear. I schedule it the days I work from home, so if I hear it starting, I run around quickly to pick up bits. Throw them in a basket for them to be sorted or brought up stairs. I put the dishwasher on every evening, always clean after dinner, takes 5 mins. The robot hoover helps with clutter, stops it gathering. Now I do need help with bathrooms and bed linen too! But the time I used to spend on hoovering, is now spent on other areas of cleaning