Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

@ResultsMayVary can I ask where you ordered the book please?

Sorry I can't recall but it's readily available both in audio and book form. If you just google the book title they should all pop up.

Yes let’s chastise someone who is struggling but also wanting to make a positive change. Let’s criticise to the point that it demotivates OP because why show an ounce of self control and humanity? Some people one here are sickos.

You are enough Op.

Yes, @Aria999 I do this after work. When kids were younger I would be home by 4 and it would take me about 4 hours to do the whole house. These days kids clean their own rooms, so I only clean common areas, my room and bathrooms and it takes me about 2 hours. I also wfh on Fridays so I start around noon. Mind you, I am not "deep cleaning" like I know some people do, so perhaps that is how I manage. There is usually 4-5 loads of laundry, so I just keep it going until it is done, or I finish up on Saturday. I always enjoyed having a clean house for the weekend so that I can really rest. I used to go grocery shopping on Saturdays, but now I try to finish that on a week day too, Thursdays, after work, so that weekend is only fun and rest. 😊

Well done for identifying that there is a problem and setting to address it. I rely on my cleaner, but between visits I run my roomba and clean my kitchen, bathroom etc every day. It’s easy when it’s not that dirty to start with. Bathtime is a routine after dinner and before bed. It becomes automatic.

I do think cleaning is a skill and if you aren’t shown how to do it, it’s not as easy as you’d expect. I only realised this when my neighbour told me she was specifically trained on specific cleaning routines when she was a chalet girl. She showed me how to approach my hallway. I was really impressed. There must be plenty on the internet that shows step by step guides and routines too.

Sounds like you need to declutter for your mental and emotional health.

You already know you have "too much stuff". Especially wardrobe stuff.

Divide your clothes into groups. work wear, casual taking kids out, social evening, special events.

From all groups, remove any clothing that is either too small, too large, an "extreme" fashion now unfashionable or needs mending/ has seen better days. Box it up and put it in the garage, shed or take it to a charity shop.

Do the same for shoes, socks and underwear. Except you probably need to trash it.

Then more carefully box up all your social evening and special events clothing. Find somewhere to keep it - bottom of wardrobe, loft, another cupboard.

Then all you're left with in your wardrobe is your everyday comfortable clothing for work and when daily chores/kids activities..

You'll find it easier to put stuff away, if you're not confronted by an overwhelming eyesore each time.

And your car? Get it valeted. Just get a bin bag, clear out any/all the rubbish and hand it over to the professionals.

Small changes can lessen the stress load.

Stop buying stuff

The beds jumped out the most for me - they need to be changed once a week, pick a set day. You don’t need to iron the bedding IMO.

@LalaPaloosa I would love to know the hallway cleaning secret!

Agree the difference between a skilled and unskilled cleaner is very noticeable.

My advice would be to set aside to time to focus on the house for a day or two and get it decluttered as much as possible, organised and then cleaned so you have a good starting point. Ideally if you have a family member to look after your children or put a movie on for them. Then put a cleaning schedule in place which will be much easier to do and to keep up with once you have done the 1st step. You have to prioritise it though over TV and going out sometimes.

I was like this when I was a single parent for a few years. I could never seem to get on top of things though the kids did shower themselves from about the age of 8 and would shower most days. I would also always put the dishwasher on before I left the house for work but that was the extent of my organisation . . .

I used to take a days annual leave a few times a year when the kids were in school so I could blitz the house and have a big de-clutter. My work colleagues thought I was mad when I would tell them what I was doing in my day off. It wasn't ideal but was the best I could do in the circumstances.

I suggest you start encouraging the older kids to shower/ bath themselves a few times a week as part of their bedtime routine and pop your 3 year old in the bath a few times a week and clean the bathroom while they are in the bath.
You could also encourage the 8 yr old to strip their bed once a week ( maybe give them a reward for doing it).
Please don't beat yourself up about it - I was brought up in the 70s having one bath a week on a Sunday night as did most of my friends- we all lived to tell the tale . . . I don't remember any of them being smelly - kids are not as smelly as adults.
As others have said, a routine is the key to becoming more efficient and I think its great you are proactively seeking out advice on how to improve.

I remember having 3 children the same age as yours and the absolute exhaustion and feeling of pressure, coming home from work, making tea and getting them to bed never mind starting to tackle housework.
One thing I started when the youngest was a baby, following tea was to run a big bath and get in it with all the children. We all relaxed, luxuriated, chatted and got washed at the same time. Pyjamas were left on the bathroom radiator in cold weather ready to get straight into. It turned a chore into a lovely time. I enjoyed my children, felt I had given them my full attention and as a consequence felt less shattered and had a bit more energy to prep things for the next day.

This sounds like my life except the kids (as they are old enough to bath and shower themselves), but the bed covers and cleaning definitely not as much as I should. Like you I keep the kitchen relatively tidy as it's used daily and I try to keep up to date with the washing machine and dishwasher. I do home cooked meals at least 6 days a week so it's not bad but I think I need a cleaning rota. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's tough to keep on top of everything when you work full time and have kids. I'm fairly certain there are plenty of dysfunctional households out there (I'm sure most won't admit).

' I have too much stuff to keep I all in order'
This your answer op. Get rid of as much stuff as you can. It's so freeing and your house will become so much more manageable. Google Marie Kondo . She's a declutterer.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Raising kids and working is exhausting. Try to keep on top of your sleep. Good luck xx

Housework is the bane of my life. It's just relentless, boring, and makes me angry and resentful at the other inactive members of the household.

So I have let standards slip for the sake of my sanity and relationships with my family.

We had a cleaner who stole expensive items and substantial money. So that was the end of that.

I do what I consider to be the bare minimum, and this is a lot less than most I know, but its bearable and evidence-based.

People didn't used to be able to wash as frequently, prior to washing machines and indoor running water and it didn't kill them!

First point, my daughter had severe eczema and the doctor told us to stop washing her so often, and never with soap. Children really don't smell bad till they reach teenage years. Twice a week would be fine unless they are very messy eaters/playing in mud. Once a week is probably fine if they have a refresh and facewash every day or so.

This idea we have to bathe them every day is as much to establish a bedtime routine as anything to do with cleanliness.

Regards the house, I do try to declutter fairly regularly so there are few problem spots that can't be cleaned.

The hoover comes out at least once per week. Dust needs doing once a fortnight. The white bathroom furniture gets a once over twice a week, mainly because it gives me the ick otherwise. The kitchen does get cleaned multiple times every day, after every meal and at the start and end of the day.

Bedding gets changed once a month. We don't do any sports or muddy activities, and none of the family suffer from excessive sweat or BO. Once a month is fine if your standards are OK with it.

If a different person is sleeping in it, it gets a new set of bedding every time. My kids know they are welcome to do it themselves more often if they wish.

I don't keep a show honest by any stretch, and my mum's family used to look down on the pride in constant scrubbing and cleaning as a very working class preoccupation. I know that's snobby, but it shows how much culture has to do with all this, rather than any objective need for spotlessness regards hygiene.

It's another one of those arbitrary cultural things.

All I mean to say here is that I see very few honest accounts here from people like me who see cleaning as a necessary evil, not a moral crusade.

Also - read or listen to the audio book "How to keep house when you're drowning". It will help a lot.

Er, yes they do

Also, a little tip if I can add one!
Try and get a such of the bedding and pj's to match as you can.

In our house, my bedding and the boys bedding are the same colours, so I throw in the boys stuff and mine together... then all our pj's go in together too... usually too much for one load between the 3 of us, but certainly fits into two.

DD loves blacks and greys in her bedding and pj's, so hers all go in one load too.

I try to keep the kids and myself in similar colours cos I'm just looking for an easy life... if I can throw in a few tops of mine with the boys clothes, I feel like I'm properly winning lol.

I put my kids in the bath every morning and every evening without fail and they still collect dirt throughout the day. Washing children once a week is neglect.

@anon666 yes the moral crusaders are a bit tedious

IMHO bathing your kids twice a day is deranged.

How are you going to cope with a rebellious teenager that decides to push your buttons by rarely bathing?

@sunflowrsngunpowdr you are drying your children’s skin out. You can wash faces and hands without bathing.

When we were kids you had a Sunday night bath. Every other night was a basin wash.
We survived!

Myself and kids have bath/shower daily but everything else just gets done when it gets done. I get you totally as my house feels permanently messy and dirty. Have now decided to get a cleaner to help us out.

It is really hard when working full time, getting kids healthy home cooked food, spending time catching up with their day and reading together and then on top doing all the housework. Who wants to spend all their free time cleaning!
When I was 9 months pregnant I gave in and got a cleaner. 5 bedroom house with 4 bathrooms at that size in summer was an absolute no! I’ve got a chronic illness too so I was just wiped out. I’ve kept the cleaner all throughout maternity leave too, there’s no shame in saying you need help. I used to want to hide my head when she came round and I used to do a pre clean before she arrived! She’s a cleaner, she expects dirt! Just do it OP, you concentrate on tidying and let someone else do the hard graft. Life is too short!