Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

There is a website called “wheel of names”. Go to it and in put the titles:
bathroom
floors
kitchen
My bedding
kids bedding

etc etc …

spin it once a day and then commit to cleaning whatever comes up that day.

You’re showering daily and then getting into mucky bedding. Pointless. Your kids are mucky and getting into mucky bedding … that’s terrible OP

The kids need to be kept clean - at least a bath/shower every other day

I don’t think you sound dirty at all OP. Washing bed clothes once a month is not the end of the world and can be clean enough. Kids having a bath once a week can be absolutely fine as long as they wash every day.

Fatigue and the pressure of life are real.

I wouldn’t like a messy car though!

ps. Hate the way some posters go in straight for attack.

But if you are looking for a basic “system”
“fly lady” is pretty good. You can google it. I do it on a more simple and basic basis than her recommendations.

I'm going to go against the grain here. I don't think changing bedclothes once a month is awful. That's realistically what I do unless I feel they are dirty.
Mopping is once a week and bathroom a quick wipe once a week and a proper clean once a month seems OK to me. It really depends on what the occupants are like.
Some hacks .. there's a daily shower clean spray you can get and you just spray all around shower immediately you are done, so as you are getting out. Takes 30 secs and bingo. Leave a j cloth in the bathroom to immediately wipe any toothpaste or residue off after brushing teeth.

Sounds like you are overwhelmed and tired. Maybe instead of trying to do a little every day, can you blitz on a Saturday morning and then relax rest of week? Review washing clothes frequency. I find we all wash clothes too frequently and they are not always dirty after each wear.
Try to get kids to put away their own laundry (depending on ages) and I don't worry about how it's organised in their drawers. As long as it's in there somewhere!

You sound completely overwhelmed. Do you have anyone that can take the kids for a day so you can get on top of things?

Start with a declutter- if you don’t use it and it doesn’t bring you joy- bin it.
Strip the beds and get them in the wash.
Spray bathrooms with antibac or viakal if needed then wipe over with hot soapy water.
Wipe kitchen over (including cupboard fronts) with disinfectant and hot water.
Dust, hoover and wash floors

If you can’t do this, can you do a declutter and get a company in for a one off spring clean?

You should see a vast improvement and it will give you a boost to keep it tidy. Try getting up half hour earlier each day to do chores. I find it easier to motivate myself in the morning than after a full day. It is also much easier to clean if you keep on top of it.

The kids are probably fine, little ones don't need to be washed every day. Mine go a week between baths the odd time and while they're not the freshest by the end of the week they're not stinking either. Their bedding also regularly goes a few weeks without being changed and is fine whereas ours is definitely ready for its weekly change.

OP I suspect the house stuff needs improving more rapidly than the kid stuff. Adding a quick shower for them once a week will do them no harm though.

Try a short list of things to be done every day - wash dishes, wipe down kitchen surfaces, quick tidy of toys (only takes a few minutes and makes the place feel so much neater). The floor where the kids eat probably needs a quick hoover or sweep every day too - if you can, get a good quality lightweight cordless hoover. I'm so much more likely to run that round than get out our main heavy duty cumbersome hoover.

You can do this. MN is famous for competitive cleanliness, so don't feel you need to live up to that. Make a few changes you can sustain now, and then a few more in a few weeks when they're bedded in.

@Alittlelostinlifeisi what stands out in your post is that you have a full time job from which you come home exhausted, 3 young children, and you don’t mention a partner. You castigate yourself as lazy, but doing a full time job plus caring for 3 children IS NOT LAZY!

Yet here are many PPs telling you to do more housework.

I think that first of all, you need to stop beating yourself up. Your children are alive, fed, and I’m sure, safe and loved. That really is the top priority. I’m even going to suggest that those things are more important then bathing the kids every day!

Then perhaps the next priority is thinking about your own energy levels, is there any scope for reducing hours or getting regular help. Do you have any MH issues that make housework routines more difficult?

Then make your own priorities. Forget about washing the floors for now, work out what the most important things are and start with those. Concentrate on the things that make you feel good and more on top of things.

One tip about your car - you can get mobile valets to clean it. It really is no work at all for you, and they’re not going to see inside your house. Round my way it costs about £60 for a full basic valet, cleaning and hoovering the inside and washing and polishing the bodywork. I’m not suggesting your car is a priority, but it might make you feel nice if at least your car feels clean. My partner is very into what he calls ‘quick wins’ - doing something easy and effective which motivates him to try the more difficult stuff.

The book ‘How to keep house while drowning: a gentle approach…’ by KC Davies might be helpful to you.

I concur regarding the 60°C washing. 60°C is hot enough to kill salmonella and ecoli. I always wash bedding, towels and the kids clothes at 60°C using non-bio.

Our washing machine's heating element had failed without us knowing. The kids school clothes were getting really grubby and we thought it was just poor quality school uniform. One day I touched the washing machine glass and it was cold, so I replaced the element. The next time I washed the kids clothes at 60°C all the colours came out 'popping'. The difference was astounding.

You can actually see the difference during a hot wash. The machine has far more suds when the detergent is activated by the heat.

A twirl after every session / that sounds like my kind of cleaning 🤤😁

I don’t allow shoes in the house so the floors aren’t such an issue, since I got pregnant I’ve been cleaning them once a month if they’re lucky and my baby is almost two months old now! I’ve found one of those spray mops to be very helpful, no bucket to wassock about with, just spray and mop, can do the downstairs in five minutes with it! I also only wash my hair once a week but it’s curly and goes weird if I do it any more frequently.

I generally change the beds on a specific day, 4 beds is a lot to change in one day so maybe you could do one a day every second week?

Having some antibacterial wipes in the bathroom is good, it keeps toilets/sinks hygienic until you manage the big scrub! Give something wipe every time you’re about to wash your hands anyway, it makes such a difference.

Housework is genuinely work and it’s so much to have to do on top of a job and three children. I used to be a cleaner and I’ve never been so tired in a job!

Are you all well? People clean too much these days and on MN you’ll get the extremes.

I think your hygiene levels sound fine. Anyone who thinks it’s shameful could start by providing hard evidence tgat there’s something actually wrong with what you’re doing. - they will probably struggle.
self care is about self compassion, not burning yourself out trying to be a perfectionist- that’s what you deserve and need to model for your kids.
having said that, if the mess bothers you then, for sure, you may find a different way to manage it
I’m an often overwhelmed single mum with too much on my plate, probably have adhd and asc and am very messy and also hate mess. I have started listening to audiobooks while I clean at the weekend, on Saturday I do laundry and tidy (No cleaning), on Sunday I clean (no tidying). I’ve been amazed at how much more efficient and enjoyable this is, I actually look forward to doing it now and waste so much less time faffing.
Don’t let people shame you, it sounds to me like the only actual problem is the way it’s making you feel

I don’t think your kids would smell bathing once a week if they’re wearing clean clothes.

8yo can do their own shower.

Keep some anti bac wipes or a sponge and spray in the bathroom and give it a wipe down when kids are in the bath.

set a reminder to wash the sheets every other week, but have a spare set so you have dry ones that can go straight on.

Can you afford a cleaner? Even every other week would be a massive help.

With bedding I'd start with a definite monthly cycle. I always do mine after my monthly flow as I like everything to be fresh after. So this could be a good place to start for a reminder. Then increase it to two weeks after that once the first routine is in place. Do children's beds at same time.

I find keeping on top of laundry hardest these days. I have loads of clean fresh laundry sitting in the kitchen because I have three teenage girls and all their clothes look the same to me these days so I leave them to take things up. Which can take a bit of nagging.

My house needs a good scrub and freshen up. It all needs painting again too. I'm a single parent, three teens at home, I work 10/11hr days ans doinf an OU course. It is hard to keep up with everything.

I hope that you find some of these posts useful, Op.

I am going to go against the grain and say I dont think MN has competitive cleanliness at all.

The organised mum method is a good routine to start with which you can adapt to suit you. You don't have to pay for it, there's free downloads you can use. I wouldn't bother with the app or the fb group though.

Can you get some extra vitamin d and feroglobin? I found this really helped with my tiredness levels.

Also, you've had some good tips here like getting second sets of bedding to make that easier.

When the kettle is boiling, wipe down surfaces. When the kids are in the bath, clean the sink and toilet. Little chunks here and there do make a difference.

Is there a partner around to help you? Could you possibly hire a cleaner for a 1 off clean or on a regular basis? Can you take a few days off to sort things out?

I know this can be so overwhelming but you can do it. Good luck

I’d also say I do a lot of daily swishing. What I mean is I’ll wipe around the sinks when I’m using them if they look a bit tarnished. Keep a cloth in each bathroom.Ditto for toilet seats but I use toilet paper and a spray of something.
We hoover and dust once a week.
I clean the bathrooms once a week.
Keep rooms tidy all the time.
Sweep kitchen floor daily.
Dishwasher on every night, surfaces cleaned down after every use.
Bedding changed fortnightly.
Floors washed monthly.
We shower daily. I wash my hair twice a week.

I’d get the kids to shower themselves just so their private parts are clean and it’s easier than a flannel wash.

Keep an old toothbrush in the bathrooms so you can get around the taps while kids in bath etc. You don’t need expensive cleaning stuff, washing up liquid does the job.

They play, they sweat, they get dirty, people hug them, they have germs in them.

Everyone saying kids need washing less than adults I disagree! Especially ones past baby age who visit the toilet on their own. They won’t always have the best wiping skills so what is lurking doesn’t bear thinking about !

I always think work can’t take all your energy - get up early and do 30mins housework in the morning when you are fresh. You’ll find it much easier thamwhen you sent tired from work.

OP, you'll get all sorts of opinions from one extreme to the other- it's MN!

But one thing is for sure, your kids smell at the moment- dirty bedding & a lack of washing, they will smell. I've taught these kids for 30 years & it's so sad for them: other kids know & I think the kids themselves begin to know as they get to your 8 year old's stage. It's so very sad. Please take the advice here for their sake, please.

Beds minimum once a fortnight (I do 7-10 days, but 14 is fine if you can manage that. Once a month is not fine).

Kids at least every 2nd day. Find things for the bath/ shower they'll find fun. There's loads out there- a favourite still in our house is a Minions water gun thing & Sammy the moving snail (youngest is 12 😅).

I cleaned my main bathroom yesterday. Including the floor & damp dusting (we have panelling) it took 15 minutes. It's because the cleaner it is, the easier it is to do. I do it twice a week thoroughly & a quick flick another once. Downstairs bathroom is even quicker.

Be warned, when I had littlies I wiped seat/ floor around seat about 3 times a day as I have 3 boys. See also if they have friends over- minging!

Please look at some of the apps others have suggested, as they sound ideal. You've never had the grounding I had, so you'll need to teach yourself, which is so hard. You've made the first step. 🙏

I’m a bit similar OP so totally get it. I’d do bedding every 2 weeks and bath DC twice a week if under puberty.

I find a cleaner 2 hrs a week makes a huge difference, she just does a whole sweep of the house and keeps me on the straight and narrow as I tidy a bit for when she comes.

the other thing is Anglo collections are amazing. They are a private company but make a donation to charity. They pick up bags of clothes, toys, electrical items from your doorstep on a particular day when you book (they come to my area twice a month).