Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

Agree - normal middle class 1980’s, bathed every single day. I think if you have a routine from the start, it feels as normal as brushing your teeth, getting into pjs before bed etc.

It doesn’t have to be a big thing that takes alot of time. Obviously, its nice if the kids can play in the bath and enjoy it (if they are young - haven’t seen ages of the kids), but its also fine to tell them Mummy is busy and give them a 2 minute shower, throw a towel round them and get then into pjs. That doesn’t take more than 10/15 mins for 2 kids. If they are really young, put them in the bath/shower together. Mine always played in the bath together with toys when they were little.

OP - All the comments are so helpful to build a daily routine but I also think look into a cleaner if you are really pushed for time and struggle with organisation. Better to get a weekly cleaner than stress over it if its something you struggle with and its affecting you.

Good for you OP! You’ve done so well.
maybe now you’ve had a blitz, you can find 15 mins a day to keep on top of it?

Glad you’re feeling better. Full time work and mum to three… you’re doing great.

If you can get the kids in the shower a couple of times a week and clean bedding every fortnight, you’ll feel even better x

i’m not great at housework and floors don’t get washed as often as I’d like. It’s fine to have a lived in house, though I do try to clean bathroom thoroughly once a week and keep the kitchen scrubbed daily. But do not let your kids be gross. You must change bottom bedsheets at least once a week (if no accidents), along with pillowcases every fortnight. Duvets can go longer. Kids clothes need to be clean and smart - and you need to wash your children every day. It really isn’t hard to bung them in the bath as part of the bedtime routine. We do dinner, bath, snack, story, bed. A face wash and teeth clean in the morning. Shower sometimes if there has been bedwetting.

I hate cleaning!
I get everyone in the house (me, DH & 2 kids ages 12/14) to tidy up once a week before the cleaner comes. Takes a couple of hours.
She cleans everything in 3 hrs. Like a whirlwind.
Best money I spend all week.

Everyday the dishes are done / kitchen surfaces cleaned and 1-2 washing machine loads are put on/ hung up. No ironing unless it's an item of clothing which demands it.

Toilets are bleached whenever required.

Bedding is washed every couple of weeks. Should really be every week.

It's not a show home but it's a house full of love & laughter 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh we all bathe every day.

Just read your update. Well done OP! 🙌🙌🙌

This

Get yourselves a cleaner for a start to take some of the pressure off.
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Honestly you are doing so well given all that you are dealing with. Please take a moment to appreciate that you have insight into your childhood issues and how it manifests as an adult.
I also understand how easy it is to slip into wine addiction. Unfortunately it makes everything worse. I was basically sliding towards functional alcoholism so I don’t drink at all any more. It robbed me of my motivation, productivity, sleep quality and overall wellbeing. If you are able to stay away from it, you will feel so much better.
how do you feel after your cleaning blitz? If it made you feel good, hang onto that and remember it next time.
Some other ideas could be - build good habits in your kids by offering some pocket money for age appropriate jobs around the house. And if your partner is not helpful, I would tell him he needs to take the kids out for a Saturday morning to allow you to do a blitz every week. If he can’t or won’t do housework, then he can contribute in other ways. Maybe he needs to find the money for a cleaner.
hope you’re feeling better. Take care. You’re not alone.

I am not a clean freak, and believe me I have seen some, but I do feel like I am happier when things are clean and tidy, I also enjoy cleaning to so that helps too. I also have three kids and husband (had-recently divorced), so that complicates things but I keep at it anyway. For me scheduling things helps, also I like to do it all at the same time, that way I get to enjoy it for a day at least.

I clean house and do laundry once a week, on Friday. That means dusting, vacuuming, bathroom cleaning, watering plants, laundry. I am usually wasted afterwards but it is totally worth it. I change sheets twice a month (have a reminder in my calendar). I personally shower twice a day. When I was bathing my kids it was once a week. More if it was needed. Everything else is on a need to do bases, touch clean when I notice something. I also open windows everyday to let fresh air in. It is a good habit to put things away, or throw them away right away. Once things start collecting it becomes a bigger problem. For example I wash my car very rarely, not sure why, but this I really do not enjoy, so occasionally I take it to a car wash, but inside it is very clean and tidy. I just through away every little thing and do not let my kids leave stuff/mess in the back. You got it OP!

Loads of great tips on here.

The best tip someone gave me when night toilet training was to layer multiple sheets on a mattress, so mattress cover, sheet, mattress cover sheet etc.. So when you strip the beds e.g. at night, the next layer is already waiting underneath.

Cleaning the sink and taps with a bit of shampoo makes them really shiny. And if the kids hate having their hair shampooed they can wear their swimming goggles.

Yes they wash their hair and face every night right before bed time, and change their jammies every night ( this is another thing I try to tell them they don't need to change every night)

Their pillowcases would get changed more often if I notice they are dirty but honestly they always smell lovely when I check them , they have big beds, no singles so I don't know if that helps, we only have white bedding so it would be pretty obvious if it was "filthy"

@livelovelough24 do you manage to do all that after work on a Friday or do you have some time in the day? That's loads!
^
It takes 3 professional cleaners a full 9-5 day to deep clean our house so I think I would not have a hope.^

all this “just give them a quick wash before bed”…do none of you have kids with long hair that needs drying? And/or that fight you tooth and nail about going into the damn shower??

My girls are 7 and 9. I wash their hair every second day because I simply can’t face the fight of it every single day. The whole process can take 60-90 mins of my precious evening (9 year old does her own shower but getting her in there is a fight every single time). Their hair is thick and takes an age to dry.

honestly it’s an absolute flashpoint in this house.

Mine also had long, and very thick hair. She had a ponytail for school and it slipped easily under a shower cap. On hair wash nights she went to bed with damp hair and survived.

She had it cut to her neck at about 10 - total game changer.

that fight you tooth and nail about going into the damn shower??

Yes @PostMenPatWithACat I have one of these and was wondering the same thing!

Sorry I meant to tag @ILoveYouItsRuiningMyLife there

Well done for wanting to turn around, regarding the time to clean issue, I imagine that with lack of organisation you spend time looking for stuff? Get 3 days holiday, get everything organised, get rid of lots of stuff, get some storage and label it. And with the cleaning a bathroom not cleaned for 3 months will take hours, but once a week wipe round shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes, little and often is the key! Best of luck!

I had long hair growing up. My mum just left it wet and it dried overnight. I'm still alive. Never blow dried it. What a faff.

Going to bed with wet hair sounds so uncomfortable though. And it would be an absolute riot in the morning surely. I wouldn’t go to bed with wet hair I wouldn’t expect them to either 😕

Bloody well done, OP!

Amazing OP, you must’ve been exhausted. Now stick to putting everything back in its place when finished with and teach your kids the same. I have an under bed zip up storage cuboid from IKea for bedding. I keep the whole set including sheet in one of the pillowcases (MN tip) so it keeps everything neat and together.
With bathrooms- spray them then go and do something else then come back and wipe. Much easier . The boiling water air fryer tip is good and for lots of other thing too. Bowl of water in microwave for 5 mins then leave in to steam. Easy to wipe down afterwards.

my teenagers shower daily or every other. toddler is bathed every day because he stinks if he isn't. not sure how you can leave kids a week and needing 1 or 2 months 🫣

I bath the kids every other day.
Shower most days myself
I Hoover and mop once a week but sweep most days (dog hair)
Change beds every fortnight
Dust weekly (really helps the house look nice)
Hair wash weekly
Car does get scruffy, I just do it as needed

Wow you are doing great. Maybe we need a thread for all those in a similar situation (or do we already?)

This book might help too