Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

@lastapache you got me 🥰

I think you have a 'husband issue' as much as a cleaning one.

He's not pulling his weight.

You've said so and said you gave him ultimatums.

How can he not act like a grown up and help you?

@Quicknamechange1234567 youre absolutely right about the screens. Thats next on my hit list.

Bloody good on you for doing that, that’s a massive achievement in itself!! I haven’t managed to get my DH to pull his weight and doubt I ever will, so genuinely well done for finding a way to do that.

It is of course possible that my memory is faulty, but I don't think so in this instance. I certainly don't remember hearing of friends having a bath every day (adults obviously showered daily) and was definitely never bullied or teased over being smelly or unclean in any way.

My mum was a housewife years before we were born and is fastidious about both personal hygiene and housework in general so there's no way she would've left us in need of a wash. We also had eczema so she was probably discouraged from bathing us more often back then (these days you're actually advised to wash them more rather than less often if they have eczema but it was different then).

I do find my children get grubby quickly - but then after dinner you wipe the filthy faces and at bedtime you remove the filthy clothes and then they're fine again. We do bath/shower them twice a week on average (more in summer) but the odd time they go a week you wouldn't particularly notice.

I think so many parents bath babies nightly as part of a bedtime routine (never worked for us as eldest hated the bath until well into toddlerhood) and then because the children never go more than a day or two without a bath they don't realise they can iykwim.

@FangsForTheMemory im gonna find myself a little black cat 🐈‍⬛ like that, such a good idea.

Then I don't think they're right.

Have you been back to the optician?

Maybe a declutter would help a lot get everyone on side and all chip in.
My homes spotless but im a minimalist and it helps.
I grow up in a messy home and i hated it.

Yep. That's when I had my children

But back in the 50s/60s the once a week bath and wash-down in between was the norm.

More frequent bathing came in with gas boilers/central heating and warmer bathrooms/!

You don't do things like change bedding because you see it needs changing you should be doing it weekly or fortnightly as a matter of course

You don't wait to clean until things are so manky you can see the dirt you clean before it gets to that stage.

You either need a routine or a cleaner

No. I do think from what she's said, that it isn't good enough, although I can see why. I'm glad she's addressing it.

It's even worse imo as there is another adult there who really doesn't seem to bother at all

To each and everyone who responded to this, I can’t thank you enough, I feel so held and supported. Feeling so inspired, I took a day off today to get on top of my stuff. Started with the children and one was late as a result but will do better tomorrow. Filled the air fryer with boiling water and fairy liquid, went and stripped and re dressed all the beds, thought wouldn’t it be so handy to have the clean bedding stored under the bed in future rather than buried in the hot press, (came on here and saw someone’s idea of putting it under the mattress! Serendipity) washing and drying on all day, floors all hovered and washed, bathrooms all done, car done, toys tidied, bins out, foil in the air fryer. Feels amazing. I went to listen to music on my AirPods and ended up listening to an audiobook “becoming supernatural”.. came on here and found that in another suggestion. Twirls are my favorite ! I feel so good. I’m going to read the rest of the posts on this later, only got to about half of them so far. Going to pick up my darlings and cherish this thread so much and come back to it again and again 🥰 thank you all and be blessed beyond measure 🙏🏻

Well done OP! I suffer from chronic fatigue so I know what it can be like keeping on top of a home.

Speaking as someone with disabilities it sounds like you're doing amazingly, I wish I was that on top of things. But is it really necessary to judge others for not doing as well? We all have our own unique challenges in life.

Thanks for the lovely update @Alittlelostinlifeisi ! Win!

As a child, back in the 50s I only had a bath once a week as did the rest of the family, I think that was normal.

I was alive 40 years ago and remember having a bath or shower daily.

Kids need a daily bath or shower.

Once a week is foul and bordering on neglect, especially when the kids are getting into a bed that has not been washed for 2 months. Grim.

Wow, you’ve inspired me OP with this! Well done!

@Alittlelostinlifeisi - I was going to suggest paying for a deep clean so you can start off on the right foot - but I see @Starlia has beaten me to it!

If I were you, I’d have a good declutter, a spring clean, and then put a cleaning rota in place so you do the cleaning regularly, not just when you see it needs doing. In the meantime, you do need to start your children off on a regular shower/bath/wash schedule - but if you do just this, it hopefully wouldn’t be too hard for you to achieve, and you can look at that as the first small step. Doing that will give you a sense of achievement, which will help you move on to the next job.

Just break it down into lots of small steps - if you look at the whole job, it will be overwhelming, but if it is small steps, each one shouldn’t be overwhelming. One step at a time, one small job at a time - and lots of little achievements to spur you on.

What im taking from your post is that your house is pretty tidy, so don't add to your stress, if you can afford, get a cleaner in once or twice a week, and really the kids do need washing more often than you're currently doing. If you can't face more chores, I'd even suggest potentially taking them swimming once or twice a week so it's a "fun" activity and they're showered on the way in and out.

I'd also aim for cleaning bed sheets every week atleast, which is a shit tonne easier in the good weather to get stuff dried.

Well done @Alittlelostinlifeisi!

Excellent, well done! 👍

Agreed

We have some routines to keep on top of things.

Either DH or I clean the bathroom while we are bathing/showering DC. So bath is running and we are cleaning the sink and floor and tiles around the sink. We do the loos every evening when we use them.
We always clear up the tea stuff straight away and then spend 5 - 10 minutes at night just before we go to bed, tidying and cleaning the kitchen- worktops cleared and cleaned. Floor swept and flash-mopped.
One night a week we spend an hour cleaning one room properly -downstairs or our bedroom. It's amazing how much you can keep ontop of with routines like that.
I have 'tasks' for the DC. For example- they have to put 10 items away off their bedroom floor/bed before bed-time some nights. It's a bit of a game really.
Even though they are still young they help with their rooms eg they all like to dust and polish so they do that and I hoover. DH usually changes their beds. I sort washing. He irons his shirts and our work stuff and anything else but we don't iron much. I keep hangers in the utility room and lots of stuff goes straight on hangers.

@Alittlelostinlifeisi
I've been following your thread on and off all day.
So pleased to hear you’re feeling so much better and sounds like you’ve done incredible today!