To be a bit upset that my mum doesn't know who inherits the house?

[chillyolives]

My mum is 55. My step dad is 44 (don't call him that, to me he's my real dad)

Anyway, I asked her casually what happens to the house if she and my dad were to die.

She said it's being left to the kids. So assuming me, and my 3 technically half siblings

I said, is she sure I would even get something since I am probably not named as one of the kids, as I'm not my dads biological etc etc

She said really absent mindedly 'oh I don't know actually, I'm sure you are included surely'

And then changed the subject.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?

My mum is a lovely, lovely woman but has raging ADHD and avoids any direct, pressing issues she'd aerially have to go and find out via a 3 step process of more etc

So it's not that she's avoiding the truth on purpose, I'm sure.

My dad is a man of few words. To everyone. And I feel too awkward asking him

It's really none of your business.

My elderly Dad lives with us. I have his will in a sealed envelope in my safe. He's 30 years older than your parents. I have no idea what his says!

i don’t understand this hesitance to discuss willls.

I am 46, my sister and parents know the contents of my will. I know the contents of my sisters will.

OP is perfectly reasonable to ask. Who gets custody of the younger children? Is it her? She needs to know what would happen if her parents die while they have younger, dependent children.

I've talked to my mum extensively about her will, what she wants, no end of life treatment, what songs at her funeral etc. not everyone doesn't talk about these things, some of us do!

OP is perfectly reasonable to ask. Who gets custody of the younger children? Is it her? She needs to know what would happen if her parents die while they have younger, dependent children.

But that's not what she asked. She asked about the house. According to the OP the 13 and 15 year olds are almost adults.

I was responding to the comments that it’s none of her business.

it is reasonable to check in fairness - there are too many threads where a step parent excludes a step child after inheriting everything.

when children are involved will should be even more open - it’s odd the mum won’t talk about this. Perhaps there is no will? A solicitor would have talked through financial and custody arrangements in detail.

I'm thinking its you who maybe doesn't understand?

Having TIC and life interests set up means that if one spouse dies, then the other goes into care, the assets of the first to die, and left as a life interest for the survivor cannot be counted as the survivors for care.

So if they are 50/50 TIC only the surviving spouse' 50% can be taken into consideration - they have only a life interest in the other half with it in a trust for the absolute beneficiary (usually children)

If both end up in care, only their respective share can cover their costs.

Perfectly normal, and sensible, will planning. Doesn't have anything to do with mandatory disregards that apply regardless if a partner / disregarded individual still lives in the home.

Slightly risky, does he pay rent, if not he has a beneficial interest in your home, has he willed that to someone else!!

What a strange question to ask your mother

if my kids asked me that, I would tell them to ask their father and he would tell them to ask me.

How do you know they own it?

It may be a family trust house.

if your mother has ADHD, the type that makes her nervous and jittery, she may never eat or drink anything made by you again.

Shock Horror, not all families are the same so it’s not a case of ‘people on MN are so weird etc etc’
I’m in my 50’s with multiple siblings and a Step Parent
I have absolutely no idea what is in my parents will , who they are leaving their money too and whether my siblings and I get an equal share if we get anything at all.
I wouldn’t dream of asking them if I was due to inherit anything and they would consider it the height of rudeness if I did ask.

Your "share"? I think more parents should spend it all before they pop their clogs. After all, they worked for it. Let the kids make their own money.

@chillyolives may I suggest you look up inheritance stuff on line.
However, very basically and

From a purely technical perspective
If there is no will and your parents both own the home and assets
If your mum dies your SD gets half of her share and the other half of her share is split between her blood related children
If your SD dies your mum gets half of his share and the other half is split between his blood related children. You OP would only get a share of this if your SD has legally adopted you.

If your mum dies first and then your SD dies and assuming there is no will his assets are split automatically between his closest blood relatives ie his children and adopted children. If you are not adopted and you felt this was unfair you would have to contest it.
The reverse goes for if your SD died first and then your mum after but obviously as she is your blood relative you would automatically be included in the inheritance.

This is EXACTLY what could happen.
.. And does... Frequently.

I knew of someone where the new younger wife asked the 19 year old recently bereaved of her dad suddenly (he was late 40s-heart attack) to leave the house, as she wanted to sell it and move back to her home country..

The poor daughter was only 19....

Dreadful.

Yes, Dad pays rent.

And he owns his own home

So, you’re going to spend all the years your parents have left, which could be 40+ years worrying about a thing that may or may not happen.

You are 26, stopping wishing people dead and go live your life.

Nobody is entitled to inheritance.

That is rubbish.

OP does not wish her parents dead.

OP wishes her parents to live a long time and spend all their money.

BUT if parents die and leave everything to her siblings and nothing to her, she will feel ignored and less loved.

That is not greedy. It is human.

@chillyolives I think you've been treated incredibly unfairly on this thread, I get you, it's not the money it's the fact that a will is the last act in someone's life and to be left out is hurtful in the extreme. I have personal experience of this happening to someone close to me and it very much feels like you are not loved in the same way as others.

I don't think you are at all unreasonable, I understand the shock and I wish you well.

I think it is really selfish of parents to leave behind chaos because they dont want to have to think about it.

Not taking the time to sort out what will happen after they are gone is a sign that parents dont really care about their DCs.

Some people are naive and think that if they do nothing then the status quo will be maintained. Or think that their intentions are what will occur rather than the law.

@GnomeDePlume completely agree. Leaving a bombshell for your adult children which could damage relationships is awful. Especially in this case when the will must deal with the Custody and guardianship of the underage children.

also OP should know who is entrusted with her siblings in the event of her parents passing. I know I get custody of my nieces in the unlikely event that their parents die. I know my sister and BIL’s wishes in respect of finances etc.

i appreciate some people tip toe around this - but all advice is you should be open. Remember that fabulous tv show that helped families with wills? Got it all sorted so the siblings weren’t left bickering.

and sometimes they make matters worse.

Agreed. Especially this bit: Or think that their intentions are what will occur rather than the law.

There was a thread running recently that showed this very well. A woman whose Dad had died was asking advice because her aunt (Dad's sister) was dealing with everything and had assured the daughter that Dad wanted Aunt to inherit all his money. Dad had not made a will. Dad had chosen to have minimal contact with daughter over the years, having walked out on daughter and mother when daughter was a baby, but if he'd wanted to disinherit her all he needed to do was get a will form from a stationer's or go to a solicitor. He hadn't. I haven't followed the thread since it was first posted, but I was heartened to see that the vast majority of replies were reassuring the OP that she was the next of kin and the heir, not the aunt, and without a will the aunt was entitled to nothing, and the OP was standing firm on that point. Quite right too.

Your mother is 55. A friend recently had a baby at 53. Safe to say neither she nor your mother are thinking about their demise. I think it’s unreasonable to mention death to anyone let alone a young(ish) woman. X

Err well she really should be. Pretty fucking stupid to have a baby and no will.

Nor me. I think that is really vulgar.