Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

He was withing my very close eye range, I was not far away and would consider myself to be close by.

No, you were at a table outside the frame. Close supervision for a 1 year old in soft play involves being in with them, preferably within a few paces of them. Close eye range is what I keep with my 5&6 year olds, with babies you need to be there, by their side

If you can't manage that because of your mobility, then don't go to soft play until your child is older. What the mum works not have laid hands on your child, none of it would have happened had you been providing adequate supervision.

I agree with this to be honest. Well done your (baby!) son for sticking up for himself. Maybe the girl will think twice now before she tries shoving babies aside.

@WarriorPrincess24

DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum.

Good on you for defending your child OP. This woman had no right to lay her hands on such a young child in the violent way she did.

I wonder what DH would have done if he'd been there and actually seen her yank his two year old like that. Would he really have done or said nothing? 🌹

All this "should have"! Things happen. Life isn't a perfect straight line. Kids fall over and knock each other and bump heads and babies occasionally bite and slap (I like how a PP tried to make out that a 2 year old full on punched someone in the face 😂)

No mother is perfect and will intercept every misdemeanor of their child. Nor should they. Children learn in their surroundings.

The only "should have" in this situation is the other mother should NOT have physically grabbed a baby. She wasn't present when the baby hit (not punched!) her child, so it wasn't like she grabbed his arm mid-slap to prevent him from slapping.

I'd move on now @WarriorPrincess24 . Your baby was being a baby in a situation where there are loads of kids and these things tend to happen. The other mother was completely out of order and if her 7 year old does indeed have SEN and is prone to pushing babies then SHE needs to be more attentive to her own child and not "scrolling on her phone" as seems to be the favourite accusation around here.

When the incident happened I wanted too see how he reacted, I thought we had made some progress on his social skills so yes while I know he can lash out I wasnt expecting him to smack her.

Hmm. I don’t think it was great that you decided to ‘experiment’ on another child instead of swooping in.

@WarriorPrincess24 just another point
"When the incident happened I wanted too see how he reacted, I thought we had made some progress on his social skills"

He's a baby. He's doing what babies do. I know he is going to be assessed for ASD but I wouldn't worry about the social skills of a baby. It's really difficult to gauge. You did nothing wrong here. A baby, in a baby area should be pretty safe to potter around on their own. There is a dedicated baby area specifically for that purpose and it usually states U3s Only. The larger area tends to state No U3s allowed.

The mother was 100% in the wrong to yank your baby. I would often tell off a child if they were doing something naughty or dangerous around younger children but I would NEVER lay a hand on another child. I might separate two children if I thought things were getting out of hand but that would be as far as it would go.

Your baby is a baby. There are going to be a lot more incidents with bumps, knocks, pushes, kicks, maybe even biting him being either the biter or the bitten. These things happen and it's not worth getting upset over. I have 4 perfectly polite children who, as far as I know, don't go around physically assaulting people. My lovely 10 year old used to think it was hilarious to grab glasses of anyone who wore them. Sometimes scratching or slapping in the process. She was a baby!! And now at 10 she hasn't done it for years!

You're doing a good job @WarriorPrincess24 .

Oh, give over

So should OP have also swooped in and bollocked and manhandled the six year old?

You need to say gently but firmly and often when hitting attempts happen, “hands are not for hitting, hitting hurts, we don’t hit

no, you don’t need to use overly expansive language on a 1 year old. You just need to say, firmly, “no hitting”. Just as you would say “no throwing” and remove the item
being thrown. If they hit again you would remove them from the softplay.

i think children get quite confused by parents using too much language to over explain “no”. “No” is something a 1 year old can understand.

If the 7 year old has SEN her mother should have also been right there to stop her child
from lashing out. SEN isn’t a get out of parenting free card.

I wouldn't have stood for it at all, I'd have probably grabbed her in the same manner in the moment and told her in no uncertain terms that if her older child hadn't slid purposefully in to a 2 year old that none of it wouldn't have happened!

Understandable that she was upset because she didn't see the first bit but you can't put hands on another child, especially one so much younger than your own- that's the time you look for the parents to have the word with them.

The pp has already said the other mother was heavy handed, so clearly no, the OP should not have bollocking and manhandled the six year old.
She should definitely chastised her though.
The common sense and understanding of a six-year-old is doing a lot of heavy lifting here too. Yes they would know better than a two-year-old but they are still little themselves

Good on him for sticking up for himself he will go far.

A 2 yo?

oh come on. If you’re watching your dd whoosh down a slide and bash a toddler off it, and toddler smacks her.. you’re going to have a problem with a little child hitting a MUCH bigger kid who hurt him?

if that’s the case, you’re an idiot.

I think I might be the only one but I had a little chuckle at your nearly two year old rallying after being shoved by a 6/7 year old and lamping them. If my 7 year old had done that, I’d have thought it bloody served them right.

He’s still so little and these things happen but once you know you have a hitter/biter/thrower you do have to helicopter parent around their interactions with other kids until they get a bit older.

I don't have poor reading skills - I was trying to clarify because she said a ladder, but then said the girl slid into him. Without knowing the layout, it's difficult to tell.

OP said a soft, wide ladder, I imagined something like this.

Yes it's similar to this but you climb up it and go around the little obstacle course thing into a ball pit

She crossed a line touching your child in any way, let alone how she did it. I’d have been upset too.

My youngest was similar to yours and I had to watch him like a hawk in places like soft play and basically stalk him. Still had incidents mind you, because those are inevitable with a load of hyped up kids. But it’s the only way to prevent a lot of this kind of thing. The way some parents behave/react to things is mad imo.

I hope you get support soon with your son. Best wishes on the pathway.

Soft play can be tricky to negotiate as rough and tumble does happen although I find most kids apologise for any accidental bumps. I have on occasion had to tell a child off though as their parents are nowhere to be seen and they are acting nastily. I wouldn't ever touch them though.

A 6 year old knows not to crash into and push a baby. They're not THAT little!

I think you’ve massively over exaggerated what the other mother actually did. Just like you’ve over exaggerated how close you were to him, seeing as you were outside of the play area.

I certainly have not over exaggerated about anything. I have been 100 percent honest and even taken on board some of the more negative comments. But if you've nothing helpful to add them maybe don't waste your time reading and commenting?

Your son is only 2!!!

that mum was awful, should have acted calm for her own daughters sake. She is modeling disgraceful behavior. No boundaries, short fuse. Hands on aggression.

Playground stuff happens.

you son, regardless of ability, is ONLY 2.

A kid slapped my 2 year old hard on the back at soft play, I would say same age. I didn’t give a shit, I looked directly at him and in a stern voice told him ‘we don’t smack’. He didn’t cry, I didn’t touch him but his parents were nowhere to be seen and he smacked my kid.

In your case, I would have gone batshit at her for laying her hands on him, but I’d have also said her kid was bang out order which she clearly didn’t see.

I get children have developmental delays, mine do, but they aren’t always obvious to others but as her child was clearly older than yours, she should never have done what she did. If he was kicking the shit out of her I’d understand but he’s 2. If she’d have been watching her child she would never have done it.

At lease you was watching your child, most treat it as a couple of hours rest.