Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

Yes she was out of order for touching your child. But you were BU for not intervening, especially as it seems from your comments about lashing out that he has form.

I imagine this is one of those situations where there are three truths your truth, other mums truth and what actually happened.

Jesus OP. I think you handled it incredibly well! I would have done to the Mum what she did to your child! In front of her daughter. But then I am a tad aggressive when it comes to protecting my child. Nobody, not anyone, will put their hands on my child and get away with it!

My child is adopted and has a serious history of trauma and adverse childhood experiences. My parenting style is rooted in a gentle, trauma-informed, sensible and kind ethos. It is absolutely NOT "laissez-faire parenting". It does NOT mean I "don't want to parent". Quite the opposite. It's a different style of parenting to yours, and one I would be using even if my child didn't have the history he does. Because he's a CHILD. And good discipline does not mean putting your hands on a child in order to control their behaviour. It means learning about why your child is struggling to communicate in a more socially acceptable way, and then researching the best way to parent them based on that. And "gentle" doesn't mean "undisciplined" (or whatever other shitty phrase you want to use).

how did she manage to get there before you did? Being only 2, I would have thought your son wouldn’t be far at all from you at any stage.

Should have reported her to management, because that's actually classed as child abuse. It's one thing to tell someone else's child off, but to actually lay a hand on them takes it to a whole new level!!

I mean from my perspective, an older child assaulted your son first.

After she knowingly crashed into him, she then shoved him.

He was reacting to being assaulted.

Other mother should’ve been controlling her child first. Because a 6 year old shoving a 2 year old? Nah. I’d have told her what a little brat her own kid was and that actions have consequences.

Most 6/7yos have had 1-3 years of school and are very well aware that we don't hit or push past people and that we are careful of younger children. I would be very annoyed with my 6yo for inadvertently hurting a younger child as I expect them to look around them and show care towards others. If my 6yo deliberately slid into and collided with another child, I would be very unimpressed and that would be a warning from me.

Yes, younger children shouldn't hit and, yes, maybe the OP should have been more on it, but surely people who have been around other children often enough and who aren't overly precious about their own children recognise firstly, that toddlers sometimes hit or throw things, second, that they're unpredictable and third, that other parents don't always bring their "A" game to parenting and mutual tolerance and understanding is the way forward. If a toddler hitting could overset my 6yo, personally I'd be thinking I needed to work on their resilience.

She shouldn’t have grabbed him or been so reactive to such a young child, so I voted YANBU.

You needed be directly on hand supervising though, not observing it unfold from further away.

Agree with this - but shouting doesn't help either.

He's TWO - all this will do is frighten him.

And she should have told her own child off, too, for coming down the slide when it was obvious there was a toddler in the way - she could have seriously injured him

You're both being over-protective idiot mothers.

How does yelling at each other in a sand pit help the development of children?

Why did you not see/ not be close enough to your 2 year old to see that he was blocking play equipment for other children?

You could always be the grown up and help manage the situation by either managing your son or nicely asking the other children to have a little patience.

Especially if you know your child has issues and can hit out at other children?

I think both mothers behaved appallingly.

Hopefully her daughter will be a bit more careful in future.

It doesn’t matter what has happened, there is no excuse for anyone to put their hands on someone else’s child. The other mum was totally out of order. No your son shouldn’t have done that but sounds like the 6 year old started it! I would have shouted at the other mum too.

If you read the thread properly you will see that my child was not blocking anything. Infact he was using the okay equipment the proper way. He was climbing UP it which is what he is supposed to do. The girl came DOWN it which is not it's purpose so no he was not blocking it. And as fo yelling at the ach other, again that never happened.
What is it with some of you MNters twisting things to suit your own INVALUABLE opinion.
Yes, I may have behaved appallingly but only in defense of my child who didn't deserve to pulled off a piece of equipment by his ARM. By a STRANGER. I assume of this had happened to you you would accept this?
Get a grip.

She had no right to touch your child but if another child had hit mine in the face regardless of age I’d be livid. Possible SEN has no relevance imo, my youngest has asd and adhd and I make no excuses for his behaviour. At 2 I was always in the playgym
with mine, it’s just easier and avoids situations like this.

I'm still seething about it today tbh.

You should supervise your child better! You should be an arm's length away from your child at somewhere like softplay with other children around

So the mother didn’t witness it happening but went over when she saw her daughter crying? Then presumably her daughter told her what happend and who did it and then the mother grabbed your child and took
him off the soft play….it seems like all this would have taken a minute or so to happen so why didn’t you intervene sooner? Also if the mother didn’t even witness the incident I’m literally shocked she did that to your child.

Well then you need to be in there with him constantly!

You waited to see his reaction bevlcause you thought the 7 year old girl exists to be your sons learning opportunity?

Sorry OP but

1- i wouldnt be that far away and I all likelihood me and DH would have been bumbling around the area with him
2- if I weren't right next to him, i woud have flown out of my seat to comfort him, apologise to the girl for the accident in general (regardless of it not being my sons fault) and used it as a chance to correct her behaviour about ladders being for going up amd not down.

Finally, I don't think I've ever been to a soft play that doesn't have a special section for babies and toddlers so it sounds to me like he was in the big kid area and unsupervised to boot.

She was bang out of order but you dont come out of this well either. Especially as she got to her 7 year old before you got to your 2 year old. How far away were you!?

7 year ilds crashing into other 7 year olds is par for the course. Its why babies and toddlers have a seperate area.

Again, of you read the thread properly you will see that he was in the under 3 section.. your opinion doesn't matter to me when you can't be bothered to read the thread properly.

Why are you repeatedly ignoring the posts saying that you need to be in the frame with him. He's still a baby, he's nowhere near the age you can sit at a table outside yet.

Kindly @WarriorPrincess24 if he doesn't respond to you telling him no etc and you weren't physically there to intervene then how did you think that this situation - or another, given kids are constantly getting into strife - would go? Imo you needed to be in there with him. Maybe not right on top of him as he's nearly 2 rather than just 1 but within a couple of steps so you could get there quickly. Even more so with older kids also in there, it is a recipe for disaster.

If you have a reactive and physical under 2 year old, you need to be in there with him in arms reach. You just can’t sit back and watch from afar for exactly this reason sorry. Both to protect your child and to protect others. I’ve been there, people will judge you for being a “helicopter parent” but your child needs you with him.

I missed that one post. But if there were 7 year olds in a bit that they shouldn't have been I wouldn't have sat on my backside drinking a coffee with my husband, I would have been telling management and, regardless, been in there with him.

Rights and wrongs aside, he could have been seriously injured in that environment and had he lost an eye or something, it wouldn't be fixed by placing blame. Its his actual safety that matters.

As you saw, by not being there, he had a horrible experience by another mum. Which she was completely out of order for, but that's not much comfort to your son is it?

Because no one will tell me how to parent my child. I came here for advice about my reaction to the other mother not people's opinions on my parenting style. I've explained the reasons he was in there and how far away I was etc but for some reason though ppl will find fault with that and that's okay. Doesn't mean I have to agree with that. Yes he is still a baby. He was withing my eye line, I was not far away, at the edge of the frame. I could see him. He was fine and playing happily. I don't see an issue with allowing him to independent play and allowing him to build his confidence especially since this was the first time he had the confidence to even ever the soft play area. So no I'm not ignoring it, I just don't necessarily agree the perspectives of people like you acting like I dropped him off and came back an hour later! Who are you or anyone to judge me as a parent based on this snippet of an incident. I'm sure your the parent of the year. Give yourself a pat on the back. I can't b that bad of a parent if he's made it to 2 years old unscathed!
Give it a rest.

He has made it to 2 so far and not exactly unscathed if he was so upset by the incident you descrive, which was entirely avoidable and occurred on your watch.