Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

He's two ffs! Two!!!

Getting a little smack from a 2 year old you've just carelessly careened into is a non-event.

He's. Two.

I'd not have even thought to worry about the smack if I were the other mum - I'd be more focused on teaching my 6 year old to be careful with small toddlers.

A two year old hitting out when they're frightened and/or hurt is no big surprise. It hardly makes him this massive liability that you need to be on top of at all times as other PPs are suggesting.

He's under 2! He's a baby! Babies strike out and hit. Good for him for sticking up for himself. The other Mother should have been watching her child and should have told her off for trying to squash babies. I'm glad you gave her an earful, imagine how annoyed you'd feel if you said nothing. She grabbed a baby roughly, she's a twat!! I hope you see her again so you can remind her to keep her kid away from the babies. I think it's fine you tried to give him some independence too. It's a soft play area.

So the basic thing is here that soft play should have an area for 3 and under. If it doesn’t it’s not for for purpose. It’s not ASD to do what he did, he is 2 and 2 year olds and 6 year olds are not in same area in any normal soft play

She should have never touched your child. I think there is nothing wrong with telling someone else’s child off though. Not shouting but a stern voice as I really feel that if she had done nothing it just enables a society where children do what they want.

The girl should have been way more considerate of your son, but kids that age don’t always think. Her actions were an accident - maybe she was too excited or whatever. However your son shouldn’t be hitting any child - that is worse than being crashed into by accident.

I hope he gets the help he needs though. You need to see it on both sides, both kids need a telling off for different reasons. The girl needs to be considerate and your son should hit x

YABU. From what you have said in the thread so far you are essentially allowing your child to hit other children and giving him excuses for it. IMHO the other mum was 100% justified in her reaction. People saying “he’s two” - he can still be disciplined, and if you can’t manage it, stay close to him and prevent him from assaulting other children

If you saw your child climbing up the wrong way on a slide why on earth didn't you go and tell him no you go up the steps then slide down? If you'd done this all of the situation could have been avoided. Also.if you know your DC smacks other DC you should have been more closely supervising him. I'd be furious if a child hit my child in the face. The mother should not have touched your child though. You need to be much closer to him at soft play.

Of course a two year old can be disciplined, but it absolutely is NOT something a total stranger should be doing. And certainly not in a physical way!!
Also - with all the supervision in the world - a toddler will still sometimes hit out before your brain has even bad chance to register what is happening.
@WarriorPrincess24 My son did this a lot when he first started walking. I used to worry so much about other children (and their carers). 1. Because I didn't want my son to hurt anyone, and 2. Because I felt like there was something 'wrong' (for lack of a better word) developmentally. Until I realised that a child lashing out is absolutely a "normal" occurrence. Not "normal" in the sense that most children do it, but "normal" in the sense that for some children (especially those with speech difficulties), it is the only way they are able to communicate something.
It's only been in the last few months that my son (almost 3) has stopped reacting this way. For lots of reasons, I think - he's now able to remove himself from the situation/able to ask an adult for help/is beginning to understand it will hurt the other person/is more comfortable playing alongside other children/etcetera ad infinitum. All because we have been super patient with him, explaining what is right and wrong and allowing him to (safely) feel his feelings. Our patience is paying off and he is the most gentle, sensitive, loving little boy. I promise the same is true for your child, and they will continue to get better in these sorts of interactions. Probably before he's 6!

If you know he lashes out then unfortunately you have to be right beside him. You can't let others be hit.

I missed out the probable main reason for things getting better - my son has gotten older and naturally matured!

This type of nonsense gentle hands off (I obviously do not mean that in a physical sense, before you start clutching at straws) laissez-faire parenting is why so many children nowadays have these sorts of behavioural issues. If people don’t want to parent, they shouldn’t have kids. Children smacking other people is NOT “normal” and should never be written off as such, no matter how badly you or OP want to make yourselves feel better. “My child hits others but it’s fine, that’s just normal for some kids” is something you’ll only ever get away with around other parents who can’t control their undisciplined kids, I regret to tell you.

Oh FFS! Assuming there’s no SEN you should be parenting your own child and supervising him if you know he behaves like that. Parents like you are exactly what is wrong with society! My DC were two once but they never smacked other kids. If they had then I would have been mortified and taken them home after I’d apologised profusely.

She grabbed him by the arm ffs, she didn't hit him. Get a grip.

Far closer supervision required if he is liable to react with hitting.

Basic common sense was clearly not applied.

Close supervision is essential with a hitter.

You were the unreasonable one.

You saw that your 2-year-old was sitting at the end of the slide, which no child needs to be sitting at the end of the slide blocking it.

But instead of getting up to move your child out of the way, you were likely just sitting there playing on your phone.

Your child got some consequences which you are too wet to give.

My guess is that he won't be taking a swing at anybody anymore, and that's a good thing

You need to say gently but firmly and often when hitting attempts happen, “hands are not for hitting, hitting hurts, we don’t hit”.

The other mum was clearly unreasonable with the man-handling, but (and not condoning the manhandling with this) i question how hard your son hit the girl.

Also, I’m afraid that I don’t believe you that you were ‘close by’ - you were observing from a distance. You weren’t supervising him. If you were supervising him, all of this wouldn’t have had the chance to happen to the level it did - particularly the other mum storming in. I say that as the mum 2 under 4 who is fed up of other parents not supervising their children in soft plays.

Funnily enough, one of mine got hit at a soft play by an older child today, but I was right there to have a word with the older child… Then later witnessed a young child being hit multiple times by the same culprit - neither parent of the two other children were in sight the entire time we were there.

You should have grabbed her arm and told her to back off, see if she took kindly to that.

I now realise there’s been a bit of drip feeding going on; son is 1, not yet 2, therefore likely isn’t hitting very hard. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that him being left unsupervised - and he was unsupervised -is at all ok. Your son is 1 and a hitter. A soft play is no time for learning independence, given his age.

Why would you assume no SEN when the OP's first post says
DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD.

I don't actually think it changes anything in terms of his need to be supervised but come on, at least read what an OP has to say before starting on the insults!

She should NEVER has touched your child. But you have to accept some accountability here and if this kid of yours is reacting to innocent incidents with smacking other kids across the face and is developmentally delayed you shouldn't be leaving him on his own in the soft play. Just because he is older, doesn't make it ok. You have to stay with him and guide him. I would have said something to your kid if he smacked mine. Simple as!!!! You need to do more so that doesn't happen

I really could not get myself worked up by my 7 year old being hit by a baby... I would just tell him to stay away (then again I have 4 boys under 10 so a smack in the face from a baby doesn't seem crazy to me 😂).

I wonder if the 7 year old didn’t see your toddler playing or was too excited and then it all went out of control. I have had a similar experience but no dramas, where similar-aged girl went to play on a piece of equipment my toddler DD was playing on (hanging off on the side lol). I was stuck to DD pretty close but the girl didn’t think or notice either of us it seems. I just said, “Hey, can’t you see my kid’s using that?” And the girl went off somewhere else. If I had been a distance away maybe would have been a similar outcome to some unpleasant interaction.

Maybe chalk it up to experience and like others are saying, maybe sticking to toddler bit more closely may help avoid big kids playing over them.

I am impatient to some degree to have DD be more independent playing where I don’t need to be shadowing so much and could sit back supervising (aka have a coffee or look at my phone). That’s a bit far in the future. Just have to give it time and teach a few rules along the way and it will happen.

This. Little kids hit, push and lash out sometimes. I can't imagine my 6yo getting worked up about it beyond an aggrieved 'Mum, that baby hit me!" But then DC1 frequently gets walloped by their tiny sibling and takes it very well, so maybe that's affecting my view of this 😂. DC1 knows not to hit and be gentle back, of course, and we're trying to teach DC2 the same thing but there's a limited extent to which you can reason with a 1yo bent on mayhem.

OP, the mum was clearly in the wrong. Kids wallop and get walloped. I've been lucky so far in that (with the exception of DC2 on DC1 violence) my kids have mostly been the wallopees not the wallopers but I've never viewed it as the end of the world for my kids to get the odd bash - it's a good teaching moment for how we deal with it and avoid hitting back. A comparatively 'big' 2yo came over the other way and thumped my little 1yo, who was a bit put out but is obviously made of sterner stuff than the 7yo you encountered as just gave them a deathly look - honestly, if looks could kill! I just put myself between both babies and said pleasantly "no hitting please, let's be gentle", and the parents came over and made the child apologise, which is how I think most normal people would deal with the situation. I would never lay hands on anyone else's child unless it was a safety issue, I would rather remove my own child from the situation.

It is only ok to grab a child if they are in danger. In no other circumstances is this ok.

OP should have been much closer as she full well knows the behaviour of her child

Ditto for the other mother.