Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

Would you have hit the mum? Really?

Do people call the police for this stuff? I wonder if they come out. Would love to hear what happens.

I wouldn’t touch another child.

Being crashed into is kind of an accident. Though the 6y old should have been more careful. Being punched in the face feels more deliberate to the victim I guess.

I feel sorry for both kids here but think the other mother should have controlled her protective impulses.

I would not have punched the mother
or called the police. Those feel like extreme reactions.

In fairness, neither of the children is in the wrong.

The girl was trying to use the slide correctly. The OP's son was preventing that from happening.

He is too young at not even 2 to know that. Which is why he should not have been allowed to do it by his mother. Knowing that a child is a hitter (and again, at this age it's completely normal, but obviously needs dealing with- every time he hits, he is removed from the situation, no negotiation or amount of tantrumming)

Soft play is hell on earth. Literally. I doubt there is a child in the land who hasn't either thumped or been thumped in one if not closely supervised by the parent. Properly closely. And the younger, the closer.

This is a good point. In these scenarios it’s often forgotten that both kids could have SEN.

This...
Doesn't quite make sense. She shouldn't have grabbed your child. But how didn't she see if she was closer than you? How do you know she didn't see?
Why weren't you near by given you know your child has a habit of hitting other children? When mine went through a grabbing toy/pushing phase I was next to them and watching like a hawk ready to intervene. And mine was never a hitter.
Both in the wrong in some ways so just let it go. Your husband obviously didn't think she was massively over reacting either.

This is pretty rough behaviour.

Do you normally ‘lamp’ people?

She shouldn't have grabbed him.
You need to helicopter him if you can't move quickly and he lashes out. I say this as a mum of 3 additional need kids who lashed out.

I don't think you were in the wrong. Your son was playing in the under 3 section, if parents of older kids let them play in there, they should be supervising their kids extra closely and reminding them to be careful around much younger children. Obviously, you need to keep trying to teach your son that he can't hit people, but he's very young to consistently resist the natural impulse to lash out if he feels threatened. It sounds like the other Mum saw her daughter crying and her instinct to protect her lead her to be heavy handed in the moment.

I agree with this however it should never have happened.

My son is also 2 and capable of physically negotiating the toddler section in soft play however I always go with him,for reasons like this.

Also staff bring toddlers to parents if on their own and remind them they need to come in or the child comes out . I think its until they are at least 4.

The 6 year old would have been removed from the toddler section also.

I have brought my child into the older section but it's tough going I really only do it on a school day if I'm off work so know it will be quiet

Considering the older girl started it by crashing into him and deliberately shoving him I would say she deserved the smack actually! My son hits back if hit first and I don't tell him off, he only does it out of retaliation and kids need to learn to stick up for themselves. This woman's little princess was being a brat and she should have told her own child off.

Indeed.

He's 2! And reacted to someone being horrible to him.
Can't get too her up over this.
Age and context speak volumes.
But you can have a chat about not using your hands to speak 😂

You don’t let your child “build confidence” at the expense of other children. How would you feel if another child had smacked yours in the face? I think you’re downplaying what your son did.

You say he goes to playgroup and frequently pushes and hits other children. That’s not on. Remove him as soon as he does that. Don’t just try to explain. It sounds like he’s not taking your verbal explanations in. Keep it simple, say No Hitting and remove him - every time. In the meantime, you should be literally right beside him when he’s at soft play or similar.

Older kid slid into younger kid... not entirely surprising that there was a reaction. Other parent should not have 'yanked' your two year old.

OP, was he blocking a slide? It sounds like it, and you should have been supervising him more closely and been very ready to move him quickly.

If your child has the potential to hit other children, then you need to closely supervise. Then another parent wouldn't have needed to intervene

I think some posters here have poor reading skills. OP didn't say her DS was at the bottom of a slide, he was at the bottom of a ladder and the 6YO pushed him. If these posters 6YO behaves similar, whilst being allowed in the under 3 section, they need to helicopter parent them better. It's not up to the parents of toddlers to moderate them, they should not be there.

If your son hit her in the face, I don't think her reaction is unreasonable. Personally I wouldn't have yanked another child but the telling off was understandable.

I'd not overthink it. Your son hit someone and was told off for doing that. It's not the end of the world and there's plenty of situations which parents will handle differently. One of the boys in nursery used to hit the other kids while his mum (who was lovely) didn't intervene (when they played in the playground after pick up) which left other parents wanting to protect their kids from being thumped.

If your son is prone to hitting and you don't moderate his behaviour from a close distance, I think you have to expect that some parents will react as she did if their child is hit. Your son and her daughter will no doubt have forgotten all about it by now so I'd do the same.

She should have used words appropriate for a 2 year old and waited to find out who his adult was for them to deal with it.

She had absolutely no right to lay a finger on a child she doesn't know and would have hit the roof if it were my child.

Shit happens at soft play, kids get over excited of rush about everywhere and someone always ends up hurt even if by accident.

Softplays are actual hell on earth for me as a parent of an autistic 6 year old. I spend the entire time on high alert waiting for tears or for something to knock his confidence.

exactly, I feel like so many people replying have missed the part where she instigated it.

a 6 year old crashing at speed into a 2 year old and shoving them is more dangerous than the 2 year old hitting the 6 year old.

Thanks everyone for all your comments, just catching up on this thread now.
I can take some of the more harsher comments on the chin here because to an extent I understand where they are coming from. Just to clarify, DS was on a ladder not a slide. The girl came down the ladder while he was halfway up. He was withing my very close eye range, I was not far away and would consider myself to be close by. I could see everything and I was watching him. I saw the situation unfold and regrettably I did not intervene at first. He never usually plays in the soft bit, he doesn't usually like the texture, the noise, he usually either clings to me or wanders around, at first I saw this an an opportunity for.him to independently play in the soft bit and he seemed happy so I didn't want to rip him away. When the incident happened I wanted too see how he reacted, I thought we had made some progress on his social skills so yes while I know he can lash out I wasnt expecting him to smack her. The other mum's table wasnt as close by but she had another child whom she was seeing to in another part of the play very closely. She was already up hence why she got there before me. The whole reason I made a his thread was to ask whether I was being UR with my reaction not to get advice on some of the perfect parents here who quite obviously deserve a medal. I try my best for my son every single day especially with all the challenges I have with him. He doesn't understand my verbal cues, he doesn't understand "NO" he doesn't understand that hitting hurts. The othe child clearly does understand but chose to treat my son that way. I wasn't about to rush over and discipline the little girl for shoving my son even though I saw what happened. I would have removed Jensen and told him not to hit had I had the chance but alas I didn't as the other mum went bat shit.
For anyone that's bothered my son didn't care, he didn't even wince when she grabbed him, he didn't know what was going on, which is unusual, he hates adult strangers and people being to close to him. I'm not going to sit here and try and defend as what the point. I do things that I think are best. I don't feel so bad this morning about my reaction now tbh. And wish I'd have said more to the woman tbh.

It sounds like your 2yr old doesn’t even like soft play so why take him? He will hate it even more now so I would just stop going.

It's not he doesn't like it, he lacks confidence. We have another child and we try to do things that both of them can do and enjoy.

I honestly don't understand these comments. He's 2! And reacted to a child behaving badly towards him.
If he was 4, that would be different. But he's 2!
OP will teach him as he gets older.
A 6 year old shouldn't be pushing younger children (far more concerning) and they shouldn't be in the under 3s section.
A mum yanking a 2 year old off a ladder if just ridiculous.

OP it's done. Don't overthink.

One more time - HE IS 2.

If a 2 year old smacked my child in the face my response would be sympathy for her being hurt but i would not even be annoyed at the toddler. I would explain to mt child "he is really still a baby and hasn't learned how to behave yet." I would not blame the child and guide my child to play out of his way.

If another 6 year old hit mine i wouls speak to him firmly and tell parents. I would not move him or scream at him.

Yanbu for being angry.