To consider pulling out of being MOH less than a fortnight before wedding?

[Rolomania]

Been best friends with the soon to be bride for well over 10 years. She’s always had a gob on her, putting her foot in it and is very opinionated. She has a lot of great qualities about her, which is why she is my best friend despite having to tell her to keep her opinions to herself sometimes.

I am her maid of honour in 12 days time… she has 2 other bridesmaids.

She has in my opinion taken it too far this time, and spread her judgemental opinions onto our other friend who is currently grieving a very close relative. To her face, other friend absolutely devastated with the lack of compassion and walked out.

I told best friend her comments were nasty and she seems not to care, said she can’t be bothered with someone dimming her shine with grief whilst she’s trying to focus on the wedding.

I just feel like pulling out of being maid of honour and telling her I’ve put up with some opinions from her for the last 10 years, but she’s taken it too far.

But because wedding is in 12 days, everything paid for, my dress, make up hair etc I just feel awful.

What would you do. I feel stuck

I know someone who fell out with their MOH just after their wedding. It had been brewing during the planning.
she can’t even look at the pictures or video of her day now.

there won’t be a right way of dealing with this and you will be painted as the bad person either way. You just have to work out which way you feel most comfortable with

Depends on what you're aiming for really. If you've simply had enough of being friends you could end the friendship after the wedding by a quieter drama free distancing. If you want to make a statement of your disaproval/visibly support friend 2/punish her for her nastiness, then pull out. When you understand what you want to achieve your choice will be clearer.

Wow, what a nasty woman she is!!! Was your upset, grieving friend a bridesmaid and has walked away from that?
I would also tell the bride she either apologises to grieving friend, otherwise you're walking away too. I'd also tell her that the world doesn't revolve around her!

I certainly would not be going the wedding and would not be friends with this horrible woman . Block her and consider this friendship over.

I don't agree with asking her to apologise or else.

What she has said and done is way past that.

It's a good example of how people get away with terrible behaviour for years and years because everyone gets used to it, doesn't challenge it, and excuses it with 'she's opinionated'.

You just have one clear decision to make: do you wish the friendship to continue, or not?

If you do, then be MOH.

If you don't, then don't. I would do her the courtesy of telling her, and why, so that you can know you did the right thing.

Have you spoken to bereaved friend?

For me this highlights why being ‘best friends’ with an arsehole with ‘good qualities’ is a fallacy.

Their unpleasantness always becomes a problem for you eventually.

I actually care how my friends think about other people and their behaviour towards people other than me.

Bride will crack and speak to you, she has to. She needs you for the pics. Will you be doing a speech?

I agree with a PP. I'd tell her to give a heartfelt apology to her friend or she can stick her wedding up her arse.

So, she's angry that bridesmaid's stepdad had the audacity to die just before her wedding, but tried to make out it was a joke. Then confirmed her anger later on by saying she didnt care about what she said and she's tired of sensitive people. So, clearly she's just a massive nasty twat.

I take it she's never lost a parent? If she thinks her behaviour is normal and she's got the balls to say that to your face, I'd dread to think what she says in private.

I couldn't be around such an entitled arsehole. I wouldn't bother asking her to apologise so you can be part of her wedding cos the apology won't be real. I'd have to tell her to fuck off.

I would do nothing. I wouldn't contact her, but wait to hear from her. If no contact I honestly just wouldn't turn up.
Don't buckle first.

What a cold hearted, nasty bitch she is.

No, I wouldn’t be MOH and I’d be telling her so today, and then blocking her. She is showing you how she would treat you if you were grieving, remember that.

I wouldn't be friends with someone like that so it would be no problem to resign as MOH infact I would have not been able to remain at the table with her after saying that.

She's disgusting.

Don't do this. It would be enabling the bitchy bride (BB) and would be seen by grieving friend as taking BB's 'side'

Yes, and her poor in laws.

She's just a bitch. I'd follow suit and ditch her. You don't need people like that in your life.

I am genuinely stunned that so many people are telling you to go ahead and do it for her. After what she's said!?! Some people are doormats and it shows

Hell no to being MOH! Text her to explain why.

Even if she did apologise profusely, I'd still be re-playing that conversation between the 3 of you in my head as I walked up the aisle behind her wondering if she really was truly sorry for what she'd said. OP only you know her well enough to know this.

The bride to be is utterly insensitive and her behaviour is indicative of a bridezilla whereby everyone must do as she says otherwise face the wrath of her saying 'it as it is'. She sounds cruel and unkind.

How does your other friend feel about you being MOH after this. Surely, she would question your loyalty if you go ahead?

Was the other friend also a bridesmaid? I’m just being nosey.

The bride though, if this is an example of her behaviour then why are you friends with her? You’ve spent years correcting this type of nonsense instead of just moving on from her. She hasn’t grown up, she is self centred and rude. Why are you friends with her?

A no brainer. This creature is toxic and not worth even thinking about. It would be bye bye ex friend!

I think MOH is a special role. It shows your closeness and support to a close friend/relative and you want to be with them to help them and celebrate the next start of their life.
i couldn’t do it unless i felt close to the bride.
A minor argument due to wedding stresses I could get over
Finding someone was that cruel and heartless to others, I couldn’t
I would be sending something like

”Hi Amy
i have been giving a lot of thought to the incident the other day with Rachel.
You and I have been friends a long time and have had some great times and laughs, I am really grateful for those and they will always be special memories.
However people change and, although you have always been outspoken, I feel that what you said to Rachel was something I cannot understand and cannot forgive.
I know your wedding is important to you but surely friendship should come first. Instead of understanding Rachel’s feelings from her step fathers death you were more concerned with how it would affect your wedding! What you said to her was heartless and cruel.
A MOH should be there to support a bride that she loves, supports and cares for. They should want to be there for them because they are close.
After this incident, I no longer feel this way about you. I think it would be unfair to both of us for me to continue in this role so I will not be attending your wedding.
I wish you all the best for the future”

I wouldn't even contact her. I'd just assume your not going and drop back the dress to her.

No way would I attend her wedding, what a nasty cow. I'd 100% be taking the other friends side.

This isn’t new behaviour this is who she is
Suck it up then distance yourself after the wedding

Give her an ultimatum. She either apologies profusely to other friend and makes it right or you'll be walking away from her and her wedding.

She sounds horrible.

I certainly hope so.