To consider pulling out of being MOH less than a fortnight before wedding?

[Rolomania]

Been best friends with the soon to be bride for well over 10 years. She’s always had a gob on her, putting her foot in it and is very opinionated. She has a lot of great qualities about her, which is why she is my best friend despite having to tell her to keep her opinions to herself sometimes.

I am her maid of honour in 12 days time… she has 2 other bridesmaids.

She has in my opinion taken it too far this time, and spread her judgemental opinions onto our other friend who is currently grieving a very close relative. To her face, other friend absolutely devastated with the lack of compassion and walked out.

I told best friend her comments were nasty and she seems not to care, said she can’t be bothered with someone dimming her shine with grief whilst she’s trying to focus on the wedding.

I just feel like pulling out of being maid of honour and telling her I’ve put up with some opinions from her for the last 10 years, but she’s taken it too far.

But because wedding is in 12 days, everything paid for, my dress, make up hair etc I just feel awful.

What would you do. I feel stuck

She wouldn’t be my friend anymore and I wouldn’t be attending much less be in her wedding - “having a gob on her” is not a reason to be a self centred, selfish, nasty person lacking in compassion or empathy. Weddings bring out the absolute worst in some people, and I’d forgive her being stressy, but not her making someone else’s family bereavement all about her wedding.

“she can’t be bothered with someone dimming her shine with grief whilst she’s trying to focus on the wedding.”

I mean what kind of nasty individual actually says this kind of thing?!

@Rolomania

We were out for dinner together the 3 of us and friend said she was devastated about her step dad passing and was worried about her mum and bride to be said in these words “I’m a bit gutted he died so soon to my wedding day, feel like you’re just going to be crying whilst I’m walking round the aisle! Couldn’t he have waited?” Then tried to laugh.

That would be it for me I'm afraid. That was a despicable way for the bride to be (bridezilla) to behave and I really wouldn't want to be friends with someone so unfeeling like this. Also, although this situation is enough to end your friendship, remember this woman is likely to behave the same to you one day. 🌹

Wow. That’s really heartless. I can see why you want to pull out.

This sounds like more than just ‘a gob on her’. It sounds pathologically insensitive and self-absorbed, and as if she lacks a theory of mind, or any social filter.

I think I’d go with ‘Apologise or I resign as MOH.’ But do so in the full recognition that the friendship may be over. I’d also think very seriously about why you have been ‘best friends’ with someone who has form for this for a decade, and why you’ve put up with it.

You keep describing her as ‘opinionated’. She’s not opinionated — opinionated is when you’re prepared to argue yourself blue in the face that Dune 2 is better than Dune 1, or that Jacob Rees-Mogg is misunderstood. In this instance at least, she’s been cruel to someone bereaved.

She sounds like an absolutely awful person and I'd just not turn up personally. Fuck her. I absolutely loathe people who get away with being dick heads because they've just 'got a gob on them' or are 'opinionated' or the worst one 'just say it like it is'. No, she's just a nasty, narcissistic cunt and doesn't deserve friends by her side on her 'big day'.

I would leave it as not talking to each other and wait and see what bride does. If she apologises to the friend in the next few days then go ahead with being a supportive bridesmaid, but if she continues being a bitch or it’s clear she’s only sorry because she doesn’t want to be embarrassed at her wedding, then I’d leave her to get on with it alone.

What's happening with the other two? I mean you don't want to defend someone who is still friends with her.

I’m fucking agog that someone could be that self centred and mean. Being so horrible to a virtual stranger would be awful enough, but someone close enough to be a bridesmaid? Fucking hell.

I really don’t think I could be friends with someone who behaved that way so being MoH would be pretty pointless. If she was “lucky” I’d tell her before the wedding day. But if not, I’d just not show up on the day and block her.

Nope after reading that I wouldn't be going near her ever again, including her wedding.

Friend is completely done with bride and has blocked her number and removed her off whatapp and Facebook.

And by the way that's not being "opiniated" that's being cruel, heartless and nasty.

I'm speechless at how self absorbed she is and her insensitivity

Has the bereaved friend pulled out?

Edited to see that she has. I must have cross posted.

Absolutely this, that’s bloody awful what she’s said!

Just go ahead and back off after wedding. Just don't be available,

I wouldn’t see her again. You don’t need that level of selfish nastiness in your life. Consider this a blessing, albeit unpleasant for now. It’s not new behaviour so bin her and hold your better friends closer.

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. She's sounds dreadful.

I was going to say do the wedding stuff if she apologises profusely to your friend, and then distance yourself afterwards, but as I started typing, I realised that you'd have to act really fake on the day as if she was actually your friend. And I am not sure how anyone could actually be friends with someone that callous and insensitive. The fact that she is standing her ground even afterwards just makes it infinitely worse.

I don't think you have any other option but to pull out and end the friendship. Really difficult at this late stage, but pretending to like her on her wedding day would be untenable.

I agree with others. Send her a message telling her she's been acting in a completely unacceptable way. Either she apologises to your friend or you won't be maid of honour anymore. Leave the ball in her court.

She'll get the wedding she deserves. Walking down the aisle on her own.

Sounds like it.

For me, since the bride has also decided to play "I'm not talking to you game" at this stage, not only do I think you should pull out of the wedding, I wouldn't even bother telling her. What an absolute selfish, heartless piece of shite she is. If bridezilla does decide to speak to you beforehand, just tell her then that your done with her. Sod the "apologise or I'm not coming" stuff that some are suggesting, it's beyond that IMO.

It’s unforgivable. There’s no way I would be going near her.

I expect she will come grovelling as she won't want her wedding aesthetic to be tarnished by having just one remaining bridesmaid.

I'd suggest it was a joke gone wrong but you say she has form and has gone too far this time.

I would contact her and say that she owes your other friend an apology and if she doesn't step up to that you don't feel comfortable being MOH and leave the ball in her court. Yes, it's "inconvenient" for her but the reality is that she can't go through life saying what she wants to people and never facing the consequences for it. The consequence in this instance is that you feel so uncomfortable about the comments she made that you're reconsidering the friendship. I'd through in how you wouldn't want the tension between you to "take the shine off her on her wedding day" for badness

I don't think I'd remain friends with someone like that, does not seem to be something isolated.

I can’t help but feel sorry for her future husband.

What a future with such a cold bitch.