Complaining neighbour

[ivise]

So today for the first time my neighbour has left me a note on the door saying that my child has been loud for some time now and that she can't take it anymore. She is new to the flat and is down bellow me . Sometimes she works from home which I didn't know . She says she can hear a constant running and stomping (probably when she plays ball or ballon) yes my child can be quite active but what can I do , tell her off , she is starting school next September so I am hoping that will give her some peace but I am not sure what else I can do . Now when the weather is nice I am sure we will be out more often ,but of course when she is home . She seems quite considerate of understanding I have a child and that the floors are awful but I am not sure what she wants me to do .
Anyone has dealt with this situation? How would you approach someone with the note like that ?
Bear in mind I have never had complaints from anyone before . Also she has had complain from neighbour down bellow her about loud music in evenings which she did disturbed us as well .Considering it was after 11pm but we never complained about it , it's has been stopped from what I have heard x

Does she have children herself? You do know that she has every right to be at home and wfh as much as you… making excuses about whether isn’t good enough pre school children should be getting out the house whether that’s the park, Musuem, NURSERY, playgroups. Having your child running up and down all day is inconsiderate

But do you know what school isn't? The child's home, where, shock horror, the child has more freedom to be themselves. Yet again this is not a child running around in steel toe cap boots playing with a jackhammer. This a child (far enough, not a toddler) playing with soft toys in their carpeted home.
I'm sure your neighbours are lovely and I'm sure if there was an issue, you could hash it out as grown adults do. The neighbour didn't really give OP the chance did they?

Playing ball games in a flat above someone is considered a nuisance regardless of the age of he child. Would you be happy if your upstairs neighbour a grown man took up football in the flat and all you heard was the thud of the ball. I doubt it. You need to teach your child the difference between indoor and outdoor games. Keep the indoor games as quiet as possible a d take her out as much as possible. A bit of rain never hurt a child. We were sent out to play at 8 and didn't come home till 6 from on early age we played out in all weathers. Take her puddle splashing if it's raining and keep the indoor games for when the weather really is extreme.

Playing with a ball on a carpet makes very little noise. For us we made more noise whooping and giggling whilst throwing. You are allowed to live in your flat and I think the neighbour needs to come to terms with that. Kids get louder as they get older - not quieter!

Yet again, small child playing with a soft ball sometimes not a grown man playing football. Not the same thing, not even close.
Stop being ridiculous.

I don’t think you should do anything differently from what you’re already doing. Like you said, it’s not your fault the neighbor works from home.

I just wonder if the lady was having a bad day. It happens to us all, suddenly one child jumping too hard becomes an earth quake. I imagine sometimes your child gets on your nerves too (or maybe that was just me with mine). Why not drop her a note saying something along the lines of; I am so sorry the noise troubles you, sometimes I feel the same. It is difficult for me to know what to do other than give my child away 😅. I wonder if you are free some time could you pop up for a cuppa and a chat and maybe we can work out some small changes that may help?
You may find after the heat of the moment that you can become good neighbours to be another.

Why on earth would the OP know? It's more than a bit silly to assume that you have to disclose your private medical details to have your neighbours act with common human decency. My point about able-ism was aimed at other posters anyway, who seem to think no one should work from home, ever.

Not the same thing as an adult man doing that would be a nuisance.

A comparator would be a 6ft 13 year old boy/ girl as they are still a child and their behaviour would also fall under the category of "children playing".

Now the arguement would be most 13 year olds would know better than to do that. So the question would be when do you start teaching a child what things are ok to play with inside?

You moved into a home, not an office block. Just because she would now like to work from home, deciding to turn her own home into an office, does not mean that you should have to live differently to suit her wishes. Clearly, working from home isn't practical for her because a young child lives in the block. She should find her way back to the office. No wonder children of today are so anxious. They're back to supposed to being seen but not heard, but can't go outside because of weirdos and shouldn't be on screens too much. What exactly is it that our kids can do that will please everyone? Absolutely nothing. And so it makes the most sense to assess your own child, her needs and your lifestyle. You can be considerate of your neighbour, but your sole job is to raise a human, and small humans need to move around.

Boys can play with dolls and kitchen sets as well.

Yes quite.

And Lego, and action men and jigsaw puzzles and teddies. Honestly some people will try and twist anything on here into something sexist when it clearly isn’t.

@IMBananas666 @PixieLaLar

WHOOSH

there's my point, flying right over both your heads.......

Your point makes zero sense. This is not about little boys and little girls. Why are you trying to make something sexist that simply isn’t? No one is saying girls shouldn’t be heard but boys should. I think you have issues.

Maybe explain your point then because it makes no sense to me either.

its the suggestion that if the child had been a boy then playing with dolls, teddies etc wouldn’t have been made. But it’s a big assumption on their part, they don’t know and can’t know.

I brought my son a dolls pram as he loved to push the pram at stay and plays & take the dolly in and out of the pram. Not sure that frangipani hasn’t missed the point any child can play with any toy

The noise you are describing is normal everyday noise. The fact that she lives in a flat with upstairs neighbours or that the floors are not well insulated isn’t your problem. I feel for her as I am noise sensitive too but it’s hard to know what you can do. I’d stop playing balls in the house and tell get you have done that so she knows you are trying. Say you are sorry she’s upset but there is a limit to what you can do as you can’t stop a young child from running - though to be honest you could encourage that to try to help a bit too. As others have said she could use noise cancelling headphones or the flare type to minimise and soften sound. Beyond that you can sympathise and be polite but you don’t have to take on her problems and make them your own

She’s energetic and needs time outside, you can’t let weather stop you (waterproofs, wellies) it can be time out splashing in puddles, football, as well as indoor activities such as leisure centre (swimming pool etc).

Nursery they can be a bit cooped up as well, spend time outside afterwards if you can or at least walk/part buggy, not pick up and go straight home in a car.

Sorry OP, but you do need to teach her not to run from room to room in a flat. Does she wear slippers as they can be a big help?

If she is old enough to understand being quiet (eg not to wake a baby) this can be helpful to start to her about impact of noise on others.

I note you already said you will move ball activities outside.

The implication is that it wasn't actually her point at all though. Commenting that boys play with those things too was apparently "missing the point" 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course you are assuming that nursery for the child isn't miles away. Lots of people are just assuming that this child doesn't spend time outdoors. Children can spend all day outside and still be rambunctious at home. Kids will run, they will be heavy footed, they will live in their spaces. Everyone needs to learn to accommodate living in spaces with other people. Including the neighbour, it should not just be on the child and mother to be the people to do all the changing. Everyone seems to forget that the neighbour seems to lack manners and seems just as happy to make noise that her upstairs neighbours have to deal with, ie. her music

Everyone seems to forget that the neighbour seems to lack manners and seems just as happy to make noise that her upstairs neighbours have to deal with, ie. her music

OP says in her original post that the neighbour had complaints and since seems to have stopped playing her music so loudly. You can't really use an example of the neighbour being asked to stop making so much noise and then stopping making so much noise as a supporting argument for why OP shouldn't stop making noise.

I really feel for you both, I hate other peoples noise and I can’t for the life of me get my children to be quiet! Hope you manage to find a compromise.